Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Lady Lainey gets ready for the final push

Amazing super home county of Yorkshire

Woohooo before I get into full flow of cricket, super fabby news, Prince Philip of the Southern Hemisphere is coming to UK and then flying up to  stay with Lady Lainey this weekend, not too sure which house or on what he is going to sleep, but at least he can make some sarnies for the cricket teas! Only jolly well joking. I will be in Mrs Ordinary mode whilst he is sipping G & T's on the boundary (lucky blighter!!).

Well the cricket match at Leicester  was heart stopping especially getting updates on Twitter. Rain, cricket, wickets, dropped catch, cricket, Lunch, covers on, cricket, early tea, Lady Lainey feeling sick, rain, wicket, lost overs, rain and then finally all over and the game declared a draw. A very sad finish to an exceptional game of cricket, well played Yorkshire and onwards to the next match!.

I Lady lainey was nearly chewing my nails down to my knuckles and that is not a very Ladylike thing to do so, scoffed some wine gums instead,( I was hoping that  I don't get pulled over on the way home in Lady Lainey Limo hahahaha).

Even though I am now, manically stressed with up coming move, I am trying to remain super bouncy happy and look on the positive side of said move, i.e water just coming out of tap at LT Towers II and not walls like LT Towers. And we are now into moving week so I need to get my act together.

So after work  I got into the Lady Lainey limo ( yes sometimes I do drive myself) went over to LT Towers II and deposited more clothes, handbags shoes and tiara's. Mr Funky had been round earlier to mow the lawns, and had found FROGS!!!! Now these are something that I don't like at all unless their legs are on a plate with garlic butter ( sorry to any vegetarian readers!). Mr Funky said that he frightened them away but I Lady Lainey am not as green as I am cabbage looking, I know that they are loving the longish grass and the fact that it will be a bit wet in there too,makes for a lovely frog homey type place. I will now be terrified to go into the garden!!! I am a big scaredy Lady Lainey really, not keen on mice either so hopefully don't meet any of those out in the grounds!!.

Finally just to say that I Lady Lainey love Twitter, it is a great social media site and helps you to interact with people that you normally would never have had contact  with,( Gillespie the Gallant is probably wishing it didn't exist!) but when used in the wrong context it becomes a monster. In the case of British diver Tom Daly, very plucky young man who is representing his country, and giving his all, so for some person ( and I will not name and shame the said person as the media in the UK are doing that very well thank you) to make cruel comments about him on Twitter is just not 'cricket' or diving in Tom's case. He is a  very brave young man too and gets my full admiration. Chin up Tom and your father would be very proud of you.

On the plus side British men won a bronze in the gymnastics and the British Equestrian team are currently in Silver medal position.

Monday, 30 July 2012

Not Monday again?????

Lady Lainey before her  orange afro!!!

Monday Morning 6.40am and I am super exhausted! I can't believe that it is Monday again!

 Anyhoooo what a  day I, Lady Lainey had yesterday. Took Count Christophe for his flight back to sunny Saltburn then  Mr Funky helped me move some of my rubbish treasures to LT Towers II.And then we went to 'The Riverside ' ground ( or Emirate Durham ICG if you are sponsorship minded) to watch what we knew would be the final hour of (former super) home county Durham's match..
Before I get in to a right and proper rant I will just say that both Durham and Middlesex bowled very well it was just the batting that looked like something out of 'Kwik Kricket'.  Durham finally won but although lots of Durham fans were jumping up and down in their seat and squealing with delight I, Lady Lainey retained my composure ( not that hard I can tell you) and put a firm arm across Mr Funky's chest to restrain him from jumping about like a mad thing. Durham may have won but they have no way exonerated  themselves in my eyes.
They still play as a disjointed team, leave out some of their better bowlers and don't appear to talk to each other. Geoff Cook still sits on the balcony scribbling  books and books of notes ( he is probably writing his memoirs) and nothing changes in the whole outlook for Durham. Bring in new blood, get rid of dead wood, bring Lady Lainey in to give team talks. ( I am sure the prices of 'Creme de la Mer moisturiser, the latest Jimmy Choo's and the good champagne guide is far more motivating than anything they are listening to now!!)

But YORKSHIRE!!! I could wax lyrical about 'my Tykes' , what a turn around from last season, how amazing are they???, can I be the official writer for  them???? OK maybe that is not an option but they are doing blinking well and for that we can only say that Gillespie the Gallant is doing his stuff. and the team are responding. #COYT. A double century for Lyth, well that is great cricket. Enough said.

Other sporty news,
1) Baron Button didn't win the Hungarian Grand Prix or get on the podium.
2) Lizzie Armistead got a silver in Road race cycling
3) Rebecca Adlington  got a bronze ( too much media pressure on her??)
4) China have most medals
5) Australia A at Riverside ground this week

So off to work and keeping up on Twitter to see what super home county of Yorkshire pull out of the bag today!.

Oh yes and Dame Didi has decided not to go for Chateau Didi Deux, so no packing and moving in September hurrayyyy!!!

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Count Christophe and cricket

Just for Dynamo Dom, before he is sent to the dungeon!

What a jolly busy day for I, Lady Lainey yesterday.After waiting for the Aussie rules football results it was all stations go  to be ready for Mr Funky collecting me to go to see (former super) home county Durham, and then oh my Lord he was late, yes late and it as if that wasn't bad enough Count Christophe had already landed at Chester Le Street. I ,Lady Lainey was jolly well jumping up and down in a very frantic way when Mr Funky finally tipped up.
Got to 'The Riverside' ground and Count Christophe was just relaxing in the sunshine, waiting for us, so all was well...except that Dame Didi sent me a text saying

'You won't forget to bring your nephew back with you, will you?'

What kind of crazy Lady does she think I am? (rhetorical question)

Play was abysmal, The Count and I had a walk at lunchtime and met Pauly Paul and Dynamo Dom ( he is a bit of an all rounder I hear on the grapevine). More play and I use that term loosely, listened to the two gentlemen behind me discussing the stroke play, players stance, physique and from their chat it was evident that the said men  were either former Test cricketers or at the least former first class umpires!!!. I turned round to have a glance at these obvious stars from the past and found myself looking at  'Darren Trough' and 'Sir Loin of Beef'. Quite self explanatory me thinks!!!!!!

Pauly Paul and Dynamo Dom came round for tea and we all got a jolly good soaking so ran for cover to eat our quails egg and cavier sandwiches.Mr Funky decided we would go home and although Durham went out to play again we had, really had , jolly well had, had enough ( Yes even I Lady Lainey had, had enough of cricket). Durham were all out for 200 and then staged a come back by bowling well at Middlesex and the closing score was 58-5. Poor match and poor show by both clubs.

However over in Leicester super fabby home county of Yorkshire,  made Lady Lainey very proud, Bairstow getting another century, Lyth being 159 not out and finishing 16 runs ahead on start of day 3
#coyt, #strongunit, #supercoach,#teamspirit, #neversaidanyofthisaboutdurham!

other sports news.
1)  Baron Jenson Button not on pole ( his team mate is!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
2)Super sprinty bikey bloke Mark Cavendish did not win gold
3) Yorkshire are super top cricket team
4)Durham are jolly terrible team at the moment
5) Geoff Cook should resign
6) Bored with the Olympic coverage on BBC!  ( Jake Humphrey covering gymnastics now that made me laugh, and no matter how much I adjusted the colour on the TV  Gary Lineker was still orange!)
7) Dynamo Dom is a very cheeky young man about Lady Lainey's favourite cricketer and is off to the dungeon! 

And so Count Christophe goes home today :-(
And I Lady Lainey am once again waiting for Mr Funky...........................

Saturday, 28 July 2012

A rare day off but is it worth it?

Beautiful Lumley Castle

I know that you are all expecting I, Lady Lainey to open with a rush of expletives regarding the state of play at (former super ) home county Durham. Well for once I am at a loss for words,even though  there actually are many words that I could use to express the disappointment that I feel at the poor display by  so called professional cricketers. Its just not cricket!!!! So the subject its closed on the state of play yesterday lets hope that today is different.

However now super super home County Yorkshire are a different kettle of fish, I am smiling as I write this and genuinely feel really proud of the whole team and coaching staff. How they have turned themselves around this season. New imput from super coach Gillespie the Gallant have made #strongunit. and no sign of baked beans or beetroot. Go get 'em boys!!!

Else where in LL land it was super busy in LT Towers last night with last minute prep for Shildon BR teas which eldest sister M'Lady de Misery ( now reverting to her true name of Tzarina Katerina due to being super helpful to Lady Lainey helping her to have a day off,) is  delivering  cricketers sustenance for me today, as I am at The Riverside Ground watching (former super) home county get thrashed by Middlesex, doubt I will need to show up on Sunday it'll be over by tea tomorrow at this rate!
Tzarina Katerina took instruction well re delivering ( I thought),then had two calls before I went to bed.For the love of God, its not bloody rocket science, take teas to ground, speak to cousin Rt Hon Robbo Jr and then leave all in his hands!! I Lady Lainey was ready to tear out orange curls out with frustration. I had done all the blinking donkey work.

Over in Australia for the big footy match there was a late change in the Crows camp with Shaun McKernan replacing ruckman  Sam Jacobs who has a hamstring problem. McKernan returns to the team after fracturing his jaw ( OMG what kind of game is this!). Sadly they lost to Geelong Cats with the final score  102-75. Sad faces in the Dukes castle I think.:-(

Also going on this weekend is the Hungarian Grand Prix, so #COYJ, I, Lady Lainey am wishing him the best of luck in the race, I know he can do amazingly well.
And of course the Olympics have kicked off in London, huge display of all things English on the TV last night, although sadly this is not a true reflection of the state of our country at the moment!. Or maybe it is Mr Bean!!!! and not the Sean type either, the Queen spoofing it up with Daniel Craig..........at least there was a little show of cricket

 Got to go and get pretty for the match, although with the state of play I could be home by lunchtime!.

Friday, 27 July 2012

Oh la la

Bonjour tout le monde, well after all the excitement of the last few days, I lady Lainey thought that things might be a little calmer today.....but as is always the case in my life it went a bit mad. Dame Didi called to tell me that she has spied a new chateau and if she can get the stopper off the bottom of her piggy bank is considering buying it. Well I am well and truly gobsmacked, I thought that she was happy in Château Didi  Premier but it seems she is wanting Château Didi Deux. Wow looks like I may be helping her move in September! Just when I thought I would be getting a rest.

Well back to super home counties, they are preparing for start of play today, and Yorkshire must be on a high after their amazing win, they were travelling  to Leicestershire  yesterday for start of game today and I am hoping that they have a great few days play. Durham are at home to Middlesex, and yes I am going on Saturday, along with Mr Funky, and eldest monster child nephew, Count Christophe( who is coming to stay with his besty Auntie in the world but only so that he can go down the pub with her on Saturday evening). We are taking tea on Saturday with Pauly Paul, work colleague of Mr Funky and all round good egg ( and also avid reader of blog so I thought that I would give him a mention).

I didn't get to see the conclusion of Durham 2nd XI match yesterday as a massive downpour at lunchtime resulted in I Lady Lainey getting jolly well soaked and  having a serious orange afro which is never a good look so I went  to LT Towers II to do some work.

I have persuaded the Duke of Adelaide to take a look at English cricket over on Australian TV, and I will try to keep abreast of Aussie Rules Football   ( someone give me a poke if I fall asleep). Sadly The Duke is also a Manchester United fan, I knew it was too good to be true, I have tried my jolly hardest to talk him into supporting The Blades but it is a wasted effort!!!!

Had a quick text from 'Would like to be Lord Lainey late last night

'Would like to be Lord Lainey' Hi, how are you?

Lady Lainey  Jolly blinking well now that my 'Boys' are through to semi's ( 2 big smiley faces)

'Would like to be Lord Lainey'  A bit of a fluke I think!

I Lady Lainey did not respond, how bloody dare he try to take the shine off my bouncy happy jolly evening. Time to draw a line underneath that!

Like I have said before I do not understand, men and cars, men and golf, men and bragging, in fact men in general.

And so I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office  to work with 3 men that I do not understand but who understand Lady Lainey perfectly ESPECIALLY when she shouts. So they had better have my coffee on my desk when I get in..............

Thursday, 26 July 2012

'Tykes' Triumphant


I think by now you know how much I, Lady Lainey love cricket, to the sky and back twice over!, and today I am so bouncy happy  that the 'boys' in the office will have to strap me to my seat and not allow me to have any more coffee.

Why am I as bouncy as a hyperactive puppy?, well why do you think?, my wonderful, amazing, fantastic boys of super splendid home county only went and did it! Yes they jolly well did, they blinking well won their quarter final, and so semis here we come!. ( the purple dress, yellow scarf and green cardigan must have worked)



Gillespie is not only Gallant he is GRRRREAT!!!!

So pints of Black Sheep down the nearest Toby Carvery and hold the baked beans and beetroot!

Well done to all the team!!

Also a big shout out to Lady Laineys fave super southern team, Hampshire, who nearly made Lady Lainey sick with excitement ( and super fabby boss Job the Jolly updating by text nearly every ball, top man Jobbers), talk about taking it to the wire!

Before all that took place though I decided at lunchtime yesterday that I  would toddled down to Feethams home of daring Darlo cricket club, to see Durham 2nd XI v Ireland A, it was not as hot and sunny as Tuesday but it was just what the doctor ordered, peace and quiet and no work, packing or moving things to LT Towers II.( for a little while at least)
After a little, much needed, nap I had the pleasure to meet Phil Simmons,and then super hairy  Wilbert the Irish wolfhound cross. I got a super lovely sloppy licky kiss, ( From Wilbert not Phil Simmons! what kind of Lady do you take me for! ).
Durham declared on 561-6,close of play saw Ireland 32-1. Today should be exciting!

I wish that the house moving fairies would come to my house and take all my things to new house meaning that I the lovely and very tired and tetchy Lady Lainey could spend more time watching cricket and less time sorting through piles of junk treasures accumulated over the last 5 years. I would just be able to sit and count my tiaras and paint my nails, but no the cold hard truth is there are no house moving fairies and so I Lady Lainey am breaking the aforementioned nails and my back too trying to get into new house in record time!.

Before I forget, for all my Australian readers don't forget Saturday 28th July, Adelaide Crows V Geelong  and apologies for not knowing that the snazzy shirts they wear are actually called Guernseys. Thank you to the Duke of Adelaide for teaching me all things Antipodean. I am learning more every day. #COYC ( Come on you crows).

And because I have been so busy doing housey stuff and sometimes forgetting to be the lovely Lady Lainey my super besty ex cricketer friend RMFC gave me a call to make me smile. Thank you RMFC best ex cricketer friend in the world!

And so from an overly excited Lady Lainey I wish you all a 'Bloody well done Yorkshire' Thursday.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Sunshine and cricket

Well what a super fabby day I Lady Lainey had yesterday. Although I woke up at 4am ( and exchanged tweets with Sir Troy Summers in Australia), I went into super swanky Lady Lainey office, shouted at the 'boys', drank too many cups of coffee ( making me mental bouncy),had a little nap, sorted out some drawings for super super swanky hotel in central London, and then............................................................... went to see boys of semi good home county (Durham), OK it was the 2nd XI but at the moment they are playing better than the first team.
Brathwaite had taken a wicket before I got there at 12.10pm ( how rude he could have waited for her Ladyship) and then after lunch, great hope for the future of the club, super polite young man Jamie Harrison took 3 quick wickets. Well done Jamie, I am very proud of you!. Ireland A played well and declared on  335 leaving Durham 16 overs to bat before close, where they stood at  72-0. It was a glorious day with the sun bouncing off Lady Laineys orange curls and tiara, and I Lady Lainey looking very pretty in a red and white dress. not like today...........
As I am in purple dress with a yellow scarf round my neck, green cardigan and my curls looking very orange, why you ask?( and no I haven't finally flipped my tiara)
Because I am wearing something bright and colourful as requested by super other home county for their QF match,

Think that 'Would like to be Lord Lainey' is in a really hopping mad man strop, not heard anything from him, I guess he is roaring around the countryside with his new love and I am a distant memory, Hallelujah!!!

Over in La Belle France Dame Didi and Rt Hon Richard are living it up in sweltering temperatures, I doubt that the tricycle will be out  at the moment, I think the pool is the place to be!.

Popped in to see besty friend in marital home town, Countess Christine of McNally, luckily got in and out of the castle without be 'loved to death' by the royal hounds, Sheba the German Shepherd, Tyson the black lab, Leo the ( gigantic) Doberman, and Bella and Benji the border collie puppies ( and very bouncy they are too). They were with their daddy, working hard being 'Tim'll Fix it', and 'loving to death' anyone who sets foot in the garage!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the time I got back to LT Towers I was completely worn out and just had time to shovel big bowl of pasta down my cakehole, tweet Gillespie the Gallant, before falling into bed.......to dream of my 'Tykes' triumphant. Actually shouldn't say that as it is a tad hubristic!



Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Bouncy happy cricket Tuesday

Just to cheer me up you understand, do you know who it is???

What a palaver, I Lady Lainey went  to meet (red) carpet man to organise new carpets for LT Towers II last night and was spotted by non other than the 'FORMER LADY LAINEY', this is not good for several reasons.

1) He was not nice to Lady Lainey
2) He was not nice to Lady Lainey
3) He was not nice to Lady Lainey
4) He was not nice to Lady Lainey
5) Lady Lainey did not ever want to see him again her whole life ( or afterwards!)

Even though I knew moving back to the town where I spent my married life, may have resulted in a sighting, because I rarely stoop as low as the gutter, I thought I may get away without seeing him ( OK you get the picture!)

However to cheer myself up I am getting the things together to decorate my desk in honour of 'My Tykes' quarter final match on tomorrow evening, Did you know that Yorkshire have a big match tomorrow night??????


Well you should be reading my blog more carefully!!!!!

I am 'popping' down to Feethams ( Darlington Cricket Club)  today as Durham 2nd  XI are playing  and I will be cheering in a very loud manner if super polite young man Jamie Harrison is playing. I am supposed to be meeting 'Would like to be Lord Lainey' there but haven't heard a peep from him since Friday so may get a couple of hours peace to watch the cricket and not have to listen to him 'rabbiting' on about cars, work,cars, work, cars..............................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 Yesterday at the Test....well what can I say, South Africa annihilated England by an innings and 12 run. Time for a shake up in the England camp. There is no I in 'Team'. But lets not dwell on this as I am sure that there are lots of wheels in motion behind the scenes to put us on a better footing for the next test. As I told besty ex cricketer friend RMFC, 'England are worse than Durham and that's bad!!!' 

In case you are still trying to guess whose posterior it is...........it belongs to Gillespie the Gallant! ;-)

Monday, 23 July 2012

Monday morning zzzzzzzzz

I think that the picture above will be how I am at about 2pm this afternoon! ( OK slightly larger than lovely little lady in picture). I, Lady Lainey am fair worn out what with cricket teas both days, moving handbags to LT Towers II ( that is a job and a half!) and then cycling through Paris, scoring 311 runs for South Africa not to mention 2rd place ( got moved up!) in the German Grand Prix. ( OK the last 3 were not me but its exhausting watching it all). I am so glad that its Monday and I am back to work for a rest!!!

I have a mad busy week with moving all my Tiaras to new home and then Durham 2nd XI are playing in super home town of Darlington AND then Wednesday evening is the BIG match, so if you hadn't heard its Yorkshire in the FLT20 quarter final. I will not be 'tweeting' Gillespie the Gallant before Wednesday ( hurray he is probably screaming) as all the 'little Tykes' need to get themselves fit and ready it.

Now I Lady Lainey have a bit of a dilemma, next weekend I am due to go to Emirates Durham ICG ( The Riverside ground !), but I am contemplating NOT going, its not like they will miss me ( OK maybe Austins bar will!), I am a little bit disappointed with the team and the results and with the whole lot in general, as you know I will at the 11th hour decide to go but at the moment it is very up in the air.#not happy bunny

Enough of my moaning!

Papers and TV full of Wiggo and so they should, be he did us proud! He is now about to start training with Mark Cavendish for the Olympics, wooohoo bouncing jumpy Lady Lainey!
It was just a quick one this morning  as have to load the car with other non essential items to drop at at LT Towers II tonight when I go to meet the carpet man. Also Mr Funky (  top chauffeur) is going to fit my new lights and mow the lawns for me ( wow multi talented). Its all stations go and hopefully I will soon be moved into my new home.

No word from Dame Didi since Saturday, hope she hasn't fallen into a vat of Gros Plant!

8.30am just had word from France they are well and Dame Didi has been trying to do wheelies on her tricycle! Zut alors, extreme sport insurance needed!! And on my map of where blog is read, sure enough France is lit up!!!

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Sunday Sport!

Quick fabby update on today's sporting events, well news from down under is that The Adelaide Crows played a blinding match and won 124-75, no I haven't completely lost my tiara, but promised that I would give them a mention and I, Lady Lainey always keep my promises. Jolly snazzy top they wear too!!!. Must get one.

So to Chesterfield and my super dooper Tykes, oh dear they lost but as they say 'its not the winning but the taking part', however if you are taking part you should win! ( quote borrowed from super ex Hants bowler Martin Jean-Jacques). However memo to my 'boys' draw a line under it and concentrate on Wednesday when I Lady Lainey will be wearing ( as requested by Yorks CCC) super bright colours, orange ( my hair) yellow, bright purple, green and any other bright colour I can adorn my body with #COYT

Also RIP Don Wilson, who passed away yesterday.

And Durham lost by 8 wickets enough said!!!!!

Test match, OMG highest test score by a South African player, Amla played amazingly finishing on 311 not out as South Africa declared at tea time 637-2. Currently as I am typing like a mad Lady England are 67-4.

Over in Hockeheim ,Wooohooo Lady Lainey is jumping up and down ( holding firmly onto tiara) Super Baron Jenson Button made the podium!! he got 2nd place which is just fabby in my book. Well done Jenson super driver.

TOUR DE FRANCE   And even more jumping up and down as Bradley Wiggins won Le Tour De France, what a star! how amazing and well done to him and all Team Sky. I can see Dame Didi now tricycling  down Coex high street ( Regarder dehors!!!!! le lapin de paque, il est mort!), imagining herself on Le Champs Elysees.

Gosh what a super busy sports day it has been,  and here in 'Blighty 'the main topic of conversation on TV is 'who will light the Olympic flame?' no doubt in my mind WIGGO!!! ( Well actually I had a list as long as my arm but don't want to bore you)

Well have to go and get ready for the big 'Top 10' cricketer board reshuffle tomorrow.


Super Sporty Day today


Oh my goodness, who held me down and poured copious amounts of fizz down my neck last night?  anyone owning up to it? Must have been me then! Thank you to super friend Black Knight of the Ferrari for a great evening,luckily did not have to try and fold my 6ft + frame into the said car to come home, managed to fall in and out of a taxi instead! And 'Moves like Jagger' it was most certainly not!!!
So feeling a little delicate this morning after partying well into the night, I crawled out of bed with my hair in an orange curly mohican ( not a good look), luckily I had remembered to take my tiara off!. I am now trying to get my act together to get teas sorted for super Marton CC.

Yesterday was not a good day  local cricket wise, Shildon should have bowled Langley Park out for under 100 and didn't!. Lots of finger pointing etc. RT Hon Robbo Jnr was trying to take it in his stride but I could tell that he was jolly cross!. He didn't even have any pork pie at tea, Holy Moly!

 Over in 'big boy' cricket Yorkshire had no play and the game was a draw with last 3 days lost to rain. I Lady Lainey was very sad for my 'little tykes'. Everything crossed that you will get to play today. #COYT

As for the other team ( I, Lady Lainey cannot even bring myself to mention their name). They lost to Sussex and I can not even manage to type out the scores,I read it described as 'gripping'...hhmmm not the word that comes to my mind. I genuinely think that I could have done better in my Jimmy Choos!. Now as you know I am not one to speak my mind.....but for goodness sake, what the flipping heck is  going on over at D****m? For most of the season they have played in a very disjointed way, there is no signs of camaraderie, and players appear to be or want to be jumping ship.Maybe I am reading these signs wrongly, but speaking to other Durham members I tend hear the same thing. Geoff Cook what is going on?  I feel another letter going to said man, I am sharpening my quill as we speak! And this year Mr Cook I will not be fobbed off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh deary me I was off on a little rant there, and with the stonking headache that I am nursing that is not good.

At the Test, it was not a good day for Mr A Strauss either he broke his sunglasses, smashed to itsy bitsy pieces whilst throwing a ball! South Africa played really well and  have a first innings lead, so lets see what today holds

Also not so good news at Hockenheim, super fit bloke Jenson Button is in 6th place on the grid ( would have been further down but for  Mark Webbers penalty points for a change of gear box) However I Lady Lainey have great faith in you,So come on Baron Button and get your foot down!

AND FINALLY............................

we have 'Wiggo' what a superstar, what a blinding biker bloke ( even with his bushy sideburns), what an amazing run he has had. Can't wait to see you cycling through Paris later today. I am so super excited that headache or not I am bouncing up and down. Also must not forget Chris Froome who is also super top bloke cyclist and Mark Cavendish ( come on and get gold in the Olympics Mark!).

PHEWWWW I am totally exhausted now and its only 7.30am! going back to bed for an hour now!.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Any volunteers???????????????

Saturday morning 7.23am  and I have already made a visit to LT Towers II  to drop some things in ( about 40 handbags!). I have cricket teas today at Shildon BR, which are all prepared and ready to put into the Lady Lainey limo.

At LT Towers II all the bedrooms need to be redecorated so that will be a fabby  fun job next week after work! (NOT) unless there are any volunteers????? OK all the Yorkshire boys are excluded as they have a super massive match on Wednesday evening (just in case anyone was not aware!). However 12 'boys' from Durham would be a great help in getting things ship shape.??, NO? well get your acts together and win some matches!

Cricket for my 'Little Tykes' was a washout and another day was spent in the hotel watching 'Dickinsons Real Deal', 'Bargain Hunt' and 'Flog It', whilst having a couple of pints of cherryade (sugar free of course). I hope they caught up on the blog.

Before I get onto a jolly old ramble as usual I want to say a very big thank you to Sir Troy Summers for reading and 'retweeting' my blog  and helping me get nearly 1000 hits on the blog (1005!and new reader in China!) . Troy if I could send you a malt loaf to Australia I would, just not sure it would get through your  tres strict customs and quarantine laws ( I googled it to see). Thank you Troy. And also again a big thank you to Gillespie the Gallant who also 'retweeted' my blog, and 'Dr' Paul Nixon, thanks to you all it really has gone global and I am truly amazed.

I think that I am finally managed to rid myself of the horrid thing that got me down during the week ( No not 'Would like to be Lord Lainey' sadly!) Although on that front you will all have been on the edge of your seats to know how that is going..............

Would like to be Lord lainey, She is so amazing, I think she is fantastic,

Lady Lainey, I am so pleased for you both!

Would like to be Lord lainey, You haven't seen her she is a joy to behold, so wonderful, so powerful...............

Lady Lainey    IT IS A CAR NOT A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!! You  flipping old fruitcake ( not exact wording but too Lady Like to put real phrase in writing)

Listen to about 0.5 more seconds then put phone down.

So you can see that it is going as well as ever!!!!

Dame Didi and the Rt Hon Richard are having a fabbo time in La Belle France, Richard was even in the pool yesterday, however the boiler problem reared its head again ( as it did in April) and no amount of coaxing from Ludovic the plombier can rectify the problem ( that and the fact that 'United Nations Give us a clue' is not a recognised language), but they are  having fun with the neighbours, Bebe the Boxer dog and S.O Dog.. Missing them already and can't wait to fly out  in September.

My super dooper monster child eldest nephew, also liked the blog which he featured in yesterday, not so sure about all the people on the bus to Whitby yesterday morning. He laughed out loud and in his words 'the other people think I am crazy'!  Well welcome to Lady Lainey world!!!.See you next weekend Count Christophe and don't forget your wallet! xx

Oh yes and @cliffspinks is back from his hols in Cyprus and no I don't want to see your white bits!!!! That is not how you work your way up the Top 10 board ( £500 would get you into the top 5!)

Well off to be 'Mrs Ordinary' now and do my duty to the cricketers of Shildon BR sooooo many men soooo little time!!!

Friday, 20 July 2012

Happy birthday to monster child nephew

Well its Friday and test match is well and truly in full swing.( Strauss went very early yesterday morning!) and England look in a strong position, Alistair Cook making 114 and England finishing the day on 267-3. So get settled down in front of the TV (or radio) at 11am with your 'flankie' on your head and #comeonengland

 However in  Lady Lainey/Dame Didi world there is only one thing of great importance today and that is the birthday of Super besty eldest monster child/nephew Count Christophe!

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you ,
Happy Birthday with a teddy cake
that gives you blue poo!

OK this is a family joke ( or not a joke at the time!)and I think that it is self explanatory. I know that the Count will be hating his wonderful, beautiful, amazingly funny ,besty Auntie Lady Lainey for saying it but, Christophe there are worse things I could have written about, I am just saving these for your 21st!!! and for goodness sake DO NOT  drink cider tonight!! But more importantly have a great birthday and see you over the weekend. XXX

OK enough of being super brilliant besty Auntie in the world..

Cricket news now and what the 'Donald Duck' is going on? Rain falling  overnight on my 'Tykes' in Chesterfield  resulted  in a wet outfield yesterday,and them all having to go back to the hotel and watch 'Jeremy Kyle', '60second makeover' and 'Diagnosis Murder'!!! This was not  what I( or any other Tykes fans) wanted to be reading on Twitter! Even though TMS was on radio in super swanky Lady Lainey office, it didn't lift the gloom. Today hopefully will be a better day for the boys.
Durham got out to play in Sussex with Scott Borthwick scoring a half century before going lbw. Durham finished on 231 and Sussex start the day on 100-3

Over at Rugby School yesterday  Durham 2nd XI were playing, and super 'well dones' to Lady Laineys favourite Durham cricketer, the lovely polite young Jamie Harrison who took 2 wickets in his first over, for  big fat 0 runs!!!! Well done Jamie, keep up the good work.

Well its nearly the weekend  and there is the German Grand Prix to look forward to. I am not really an F1 fan but do like it when Jenson Button is on the podium, also Sunday sees the finish of Le Tour de France so 'Allez Wiggo' as they are shouting in France. However it is creeping closer and I am still on count down to Wednesday 25th July, Super Yorkshire match.

Over at Platinum Duck Palace (hub of cricket tea empire) fridges and freezers are filling up ready for feeding the masses at Shildon BR and Marton CC. Where has the week gone? ( Actually most of it spent shouting at 'boys' in office because I didn't feel very well and then going home to bed ). Friday night used to be party night in LT Towers now I am up to my elbows in egg & cress sandwiches, quiche etc. OR maybe .........shock of shocks..........I am getting old!!!!!  

Right just knocked that thought out of my pretty head, so now decided that Saturday night is party night, everyone welcome,bring a bottle ( super 'spensive champers please!)


Thursday, 19 July 2012


Well news from the super home counties yesterday were that Yorkshire were  doing jolly well at Derbyshire finishing on  on 219 ( Jaques  61) the home team being 135-7 at close of play. So jolly well get the rest out before noon,! Over in Arundel  rain brought an early close of play for Durham by the 3rd  over they were 1-2 !!! . By lunchtime  they were 92-4 and then it rained, and it rained, and it rained so the boys all went back to the hotel for a couple of glasses of Vimto!.

I will be watching the results coming through on Twitter avidly today as well as listening to TMS ( #comeonengland) for test match commentary, because I am at work and what else am I supposed to do, I turn up, sit at desk, bark orders at ‘boys’, wait for someone to make me a coffee, end up making my own and then sit looking pretty, so may as well fill in the other 6hr 55m with something remotely interesting :-)

Dame Didi and Rt Hon Richard are by now living it up in La Belle France and I for one am flipping well green with envy. I have checked the weather forecast and the temperatures are nearly twice what they are in ‘blighty’!!!!!!!!!!!( actually I think it is hotter and drier in the Arctic at the moment)

Talking about France…Le Tour De France is getting to the closing stages and good old Bradley is still in the yellow jersey ( tres smelly by now!).  I personally would prefer the ‘polka dot jersey’ (maillot à pois rouge in French and  very pretty!). I can’t wait for the closing stage ‘dans’ Paris.

Not heard a peep from ‘Would like to be Lord Lainey’ (wooohooo finally he has got the message!). However, I know this is because he took delivery of new car yesterday and will be doing ‘boy’ type things like:-

A)    Kicking the tyres (what is that all about????)
B)      polishing the bonnet with his sleeve
C)     Sitting in the drivers seat making screeching noises, like F1 driver ( I was going to say ‘like Jenson Button’, but I would never want to compare The great Baron Button to ‘Would like to be Lord Lainey).

No doubt he will tip up at LT Towers in said vehicle, but hopefully it will be after I move to LT Towers II !!!

I am feeling much better today, headache gone, but still sound a little 'croaky' so feel like I am ready to face the world, well Darlington at least!

Have a great day where ever you are.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

grey day.........not really

OMG!!! got up this morning still feeling under the weather.................... got into the bathroom only to spot ........horror of horrors....a grey hair ( 3 actually!)! in my lovely orange curls! I think that I am changing from super  gorgeous looki likey of his Royal Ryanness into Gillespie the Gallant ( without the beard I hasten to add). 'Note to self' on way to work  call  Hair crimper extraordinaire, Jetset Jeanette to arrange to have this dealt with quick sharp. All this and still feeling like I have been run down by a Rolls Royce!!!!!

Some breaking  tres fabby news at LT Towers, is the possible arrival of Prince Philip super besty friend in the Southern Hemisphere, who may be over in UK en route to Russia (?). Hopefully he will come to stay for the weekend and help Lady Lainey do cricket teas ( well he can drink on the boundary whilst I work my fingers to the bone making sarnies and scones!). It actually won't be the first time that he has flown half way around the world and  ended up watching club cricket , whilst I  dish up teas. So Wooohooo  I am super excited  as I haven't seen his royal Princeship in 3 years, and I am jolly well jumping up and down in bouncy puppy kind of way.  Actually just had to stop doing that as my head has started to ache and I feel a little bit sick.

Anyhooooo even more important stuff is going on with super home Counties ( Yorkshire and Durham). Yorkshire are playing at Chesterfield and Durham at Arundel. According to word on Twitter some 'folk' were a bit miffed about Yorkshire staying in a hotel overnight  when 'its only an hours journey' to said place of play. Gillespie the Gallant took quite a bit of flack about this (not as if he booked the hotel!), however as we all know Yorkshiremen have deep pockets and short arms, and so if Yorkshire CCC didn't think it was necessary then it wouldn't have happened!

Other news on the cricket front super chatty man his Knightship Paul Nixon received an Honory Doctorate yesterday from de Montford university. Well done Paul and many congratulations, so that done, get on and write another book!

I Lady Lainey still feel a little unwell despite going to bed when I crawled in from hard days graft in super swanky Lady Lainey office. However always the trooper, I am up, dressed, tiara on and ready to go and have another 7 hours sleep work. 

Look out 'boys I am on my way and have a stonking headache!!

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Feeling under the weather

I Lady Lainey was feeling a little bit under the weather last night ( no drink involved, it was a school night!!!)and so went to bed at 8.30pm, I awoke this morning at 5.00am and actually feel much worse, not sure what it is, but bravely soldiering on. So about to put on my tiara and venture forth to super swanky Lady Lainey office and boss the boys around whilst sitting at my computer looking pretty ( OK today I will be looking pretty rough!).

I switched my phone on this morning to 6 text messages from 'Would like to be Lord Lainey'

10.30pm,  Goodnight

10.33pm  Goodnight

10.40pm Goodnight

YES you get the idea, last one at 11.45pm!!!!!!!!  I feel to under the weather to respond!

I am trying to finish packing up the house ready for the big move to LT Towers II, (hopefully to begin next week with redecoration of said house) there are boxes everywhere  here and I am covered in bruises from walking into them over and over again. Hopefully by the end of the cricket season I will be fully moved and settled into my new home, I can't wait.

Quick recap on other events

Bradley still wearing the yellow jersey ( won't it be a bit smelly now?)

Durham need to pull their socks up

Still haven't bought Sheffield United but working on it

There is a bit yellow thing in the sky this morning ( according to woman on TV its called 'the sun!')

Dame Didi, besty sister in whole world is going to summer residence tomorrow :'-(

Yorkshire are super besty home county #COYT!!

I now am going to take a tablet,drink my coffee and have a little nap at my desk I doubt the 'boys' will even notice.

Until tomorrow........................

Monday, 16 July 2012

Busy busy cricket week

Arundel Castle, not LT Tower!

Well  Monday morning and you could have knocked Lady Lainey  down with a strip of biltong, I now have readers in South Africa ( and I think I know who one of them is, none other than Prince Philip, my super besty friend in the Southern hemisphere). If it you Philip hope you find it amusing!

Big shout out also to @SummersTroy who very kindly retweeted  link in Australia so that boosted up my hits and of course a very big thanks you to Gillespie the Gallant who must be sick to death of mad Lady tweeting him the link! Many thanks to all for helping me go global!

Back to Monday and all quiet on the cricket front. And you may be wondering why I Lady Lainey super cricket fan and 'expresser' of opinions good or bad, have not mentioned anything to do with KP?  Well I do not have enough time to write everything that I would like to, but more to the point I refuse to waste my energy doing it. All I will say is NO, NO,NO to his demands.

However  sad news at super swanky Lady Lainey's office, Sir Robert of Solihull is leaving us! and I for one am very very sad, he may not be a cricket fan but is a super great person and I will miss him heaps and heaps.We have shadowed each other unknowingly all our lives. We lived across the green from each other and went to the same school in Co Durham when we were small children and then lived nearly round the corner from each other in Middlesex, and finally ended up working for the same company, super spooky!!

The rest of the week is sooooo cricket busy and I Lady Lainey may wear out my fingers typing like a mad thing.
Yorkshire are travelling down to Chesterfield (home of the crooked spire) to take on Derbyshire. So I will be watching scores with super keen interest. However the excitement in LT Towers is slowly building for Wednesday 25th QF day! When I will be donning my Yorkshire shirt and listening to it ‘on’t wireless!’

Durham are taking on Sussex down at Arundel, really lovely place, Countess Culshaw and I once went on a camping holiday there, oh my Lord what a week that was,………..  but that is a COMPLETELY different story!!!
And also we have the Test Match starting on Thursday (office radio tuned into TMS ).
I will be completely exhausted by Friday and still have teas over the weekend!

However it is only Monday!!!! No point wishing the week away as a lot can happen. (oh yes ‘Would like to be Lord Lainey’ picks new car up on Wednesday too. Big whoopdydoo for him!!!!).

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Nearly Monday again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well its nearly Monday again and I lady Lainey am like a hamster on a wheel, no sign of a day off for the next 3 weeks, how on earth am I going to get my beauty sleep and more to the point how am  I going to go shopping, new tiaras on hold then!

Teas were supplied to super super Marton CC . Paul Peer of the realm of Marton helped Lady Lainey empty her car and then went out to play cricket helping them to thrash Richmond ( would like to be super swanky club like Marton),  by 3 runs. luckily teas went down well ( Dame Didi had stepped   into my Jimmy Choos for the past few weeks whilst I have been reporting from the boundary and she can be a hard act to follow). So a big ###COYM ( come on you Marton as they are really a Yorkshire club and as such deserve a big Yorkshire chant)

Dame Didi  called me to express her displeasure at me disclosing about her 'little ' accident on her bike, well your own fault and it was never spoken of as being a secret! Love ya Mrs Nettle Rash!!

Would like to be Lord Lainey sent message that he is not getting the scirocco but an Astra!! WTF and it is red and has 300000BHP, 27 cup holders 900 gears and 10 wheels.....(for the love of god get this man away from me ....help me....what have I done to deserve this, I should be Lady Lainey Bean V!)

On the other cricket front Durham lost to Hampshire (quelle surprise!), and Hants did not even have the amazing Martin Jean-Jacques bowling (too long retired) or RMFC on a zimmer frame. Come on Durham give the wonderful Jamie Harrison a bowl ( super polite boy  of county (Lancashire by the town of his birth!)

am now reclining on chaise longue with glass of bubbly watching 'Countryfile' ( only for the long range weather forecast) . I have no interest in genetically modified crops or sheep poo,  can you see me trudging through fields, wading through streams sticking my hand up a cows bottom!  can you my aunt nellie!!

His Royal Ryanness has apparently been on the razz in Leeds (according to Twitter), but as he is still on the sick, will be let off this time without a demerit mark.

Yorkshire are gearing themselves up for T20 quarter finals so come on Gillespie the Gallant, rally the troops and lets stomp all over opponents! Cannot make it to the match as Darlington to Leeds after work not an option :-(

############## blinking well COYT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do cars and wind have in common......

Well another busy day here  with teas being served at Marton CC ( super swanky cricket club very close to the birthplace of moi!). I awoke to screams of Murray Walker in my head 'GO, GO,GO' and so I got going like the proverbial 'clappers' (meaning' Go very fast in a vigorous manner' originating from The RAF in WWII, OK English & history lesson over)

had a call from ' Would like to be Lord Lainey' last night

Would like to be Lord Lainey' Hiya I am getting a new car.

Lady Lainey oh for goodness sake are you still upset because I called your car an Astra?

Would like to be Lord Lainey' ( ignoring my comment), It a VW Scirocco.

Lady Lainey Why would you buy a car named.....( I stop right there) oh how very apt ,you and the car are well matched. ( Scirocco is wind ( actually hot wind blowing across North Africa and the Med).

Would like to be Lord Lainey' (sounding like very excited schoolboy) Its red, and has 1000000000 BHP. mumble mumble,miles per hours, blah blah blah,cup holder, natter natter natter, miles to the gallon, blurb blurb blurb 4 wheels and spare in boot,  ( totally unaware of veiled insult)

Lady Lainey, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (quickly shakes off sleep) OK very nice, got to go and watch some paint dry now.

I disconnect the call...............I WILL NEVER understand men and cars, or men and golf or men really!

And so back to cricket, far more entertaining and a lot easier to understand (honestly girls it is!).

All provisions are packed and ready and I will soon be racing across the A66 and A174 to Marton CC..
Over at Chateau de Saltburn Dame Didi is taking afternoon tea with M'Lady de Misery, I have luckily escaped this Royal visit due to cricket commitments, but know that over next few weeks whilst Dame Didi is whooping it up with the Rt Hon Richard in France ( Count Christophe is staying home and hoping to have wild parties at weekends but does not know that I am planning to spoil his fun!), I will be plagued by telephone calls ( every evening bang on 6pm), and 'surprise' visits from M'Lady!
 Lucky me!!!

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Dame Didi gets the Yellow shirt

Zut alors, An Englishman doing well on a bike in France! and not a stripy shirt or string of onions in sight! Only a yellow shirt. Go Bradley!,
Now before you think that I have lost the plot and am now going cycling crazy, I have to admit that I only watch the highlights of Le Tour De France to get as many glimpses of my beloved France as possible. However over at Chateau  de Saltburn, Dame Didi even records the live coverage! I can see her now out in her garage, polishing the bell on her tricycle and dreaming of doing the mountain stages up and down Saltburn bank! ( for readers abroad or other parts of England best to google Saltburn by the Sea, North Yorkshire UK). And Dame Didi, we both know why you are on a tricycle don't we!!! Mind that ditch and NO I wont rub you with a dock leaf there!!!!!! 

She is obviously getting into practice for returning to La Belle France on Wednesday ( and sooo obviously going to inflict great pain on Lady Lainey when she reads above paragraph), when she will be tearing up the back roads from Nantes Atlantique Airport to St Gille Croix De Vie in  a Citroen Deux Chevaux!!! ( Ok its  a Ford Focus). Don't forget to get the 'supplies' in the cellar for September.

Sad news for my Tykes, rain in Southampton meant game called off, and after the cracking day they had yesterday, very very sad.

Over at the cricket teas, Shildon  BR were doing pretty poo ( very technical cricket term! ) losing the first wicket in the first  3 balls! However lost track of the game whilst trying to Tweet, read 'Keeping Quiet' and 'jam and cream' scones, who says a Lady cannot multi-task!. By the time I had removed my 'marigolds' after washing up cups ( please get a dishwasher soon, or I may have to take Mr Funky with me to save my nails!). I was sooooo exhausted from manual labour that first thoughts were,' get in car and go home'( actually first thought was crack the bubbly its Bastille Day, any excuse!).

So now at  home  reclining on chaise Longue, and dealing with offending chips to very expensive nail job!

Le Cricket

Well welcome to any readers in France and happy ‘La Fete Nationale’ aka Bastille Day.

You may be wondering why I Lady Lainey have little references to France popping up now and again.
Is it because I have French blood running through my veins? (and hence shouting out at cricket teas, ‘what no ham sarnies left……….let them eat cake!).
Actually I have no French blood running through my veins (plenty of champagne and Gros Plant though!). I just love France and love  to go to Dame Didi's chateau in the Nantes region and chill  out  before and just after the cricket season, and quelle surprise, I bet you didn't know that they play cricket there too    http://francecricket.com/ check it out!

Well back to Le Cricket Anglaise it was not a great day again for one of  the super home counties, Rain affecting  Durham match yesterday ( and yes it looks as if I put the jinx on Durham as match called off at 1pm).
Yorkshire got to play and how they played! Joe Root scored a double century which was an amazing performance from him and all praise goes to his magnificent effort ( and the rest of the team  and coach too!) what a brilliant 'Little Tyke'.

Spoke to a friend last night who used to play for Hampshire, he said looking at the match report he was considering making a comeback. RMFC....do they play zimmer frame cricket?????

So it is now 7.30am here at LT Towers finishing touches are being made to cricket teas and my apron is packed in readiness . Car packed up and ready and I, Lady Lainey am donning drab clothing to shield my true identity and making a hasty trip to Morrison's for some flapjack and malt loaf ( well it wouldn't be a cricket tea without either would it?).

 So its a big 'come on Shildon BR' and also #COYT.

Bonne  journee tout le monde


Friday, 13 July 2012

Black Friday.......but neary the weekend

Well I the lovely Lady Lainey should have been giving a big ‘woooohooo’ its Friday, but it’s a big ‘booooohooooo as news filters through that Brett Lee is retiring from international cricket! In one week I have lost two cricketers who rated on my top 10 list (Ramps being the other) and Mark Boucher and Michael Di Venuto have also left the sporting arena.

Well let me just say to his Royal Ryanness don’t you be going and getting any ideas about this retiring lark (at least not before the Scarborough Festival).

'Would like to be Lord Lainey' called this morning to console me on the Brett Lee news.

Would like to be Lord Lainey, have you heard the news?

Lady Lainey, oh praise the lord you are getting married!

Would like to be Lord Lainey, Ha ha very funny!! I have just split my sides laughing.

Lady Lainey, No you have split your sides because you are on the portly side!

Would be Lord Lainey, OK enough of the rude comments you're no stick insect yourself!

Lady Lainey, But at least I am pretty!!!!

Would like to be Lord Lainey, Have you heard about Brett Lee?

Lady Lainey, Yes I am wearing a black armband to work today

Would like to be Lord Lainey,  ( in creepy tone) Is that all????????

I, Lady Lainey end conversation,  BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over at Platinum Duck Palace things are speeding up for the upcoming matches over the weekend at Shildon BR and Marton. Lots chopping and baking going on in readiness. I, Lady Lainey will be donning my Mrs Ordinary disguise and serving up fresh cream scones and ham sandwiches to the ‘boys’, along with lashings of tea and orange squash. I am hoping that Amazon deliver my copy of ‘Keeping quiet’ so that I can sit on the boundary and have a read.

I have just checked the weather forecast for the Yorkshire match and it doesn’t look very promising today at all, so one very sad Lady Lainey and also all Tykes supporters. Durham pulled out all stops yesterday and start today in a good position………….I will not stop there as ‘famous last words’ comes to mind.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Boundary of Bramell Lane

Well  I am still reeling after discovering that ‘Tales from The Boundary’ is being read in Iran and Russia! Who would have thought it,when I the lovely Lady Lainey first sat down to tap out her musings about life and cricket  (same thing really!). I hope that it is slightly amusing for those that are reading it.

Today I am late sorting out my blog as I came into work AND actually had to do some! Can you believe that! Well it will be the last time I assure you !
It is now lunchtime and I have been checking the scores of the home counties, and poor Yorkshire are currently off again due to rain…….…….. OMG breaking news in the office apparently I can buy Sheffield United for £15m! I can own the Blades, I can really be a Shoreham Boy (OK Lady!), I can get to see Sean Bean, that has thrown me completely off my stride, and I am  furiously flicking  through very downmarket tabloid paper to see the information on buying said club.

Now you may think it is strange that  a cricket loving lady like myself would be interested in football, well I have to do something over the winter Saturday afternoons and cricket tea empire may soon turn to football tea empire too. Anyhooo getting back to football,  one of the Rt Hon Robbo's ( family members on Her Serene Highness' side) actually plays football,  and professionally too. Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo slipped through the cricket nets and got himself all tangled up in 'off sides' and 'penalties' and  'elbow him in the back when the Refs not looking',football. Sadly he never played for the  adopted team of Lady Lainey the afore mentioned Sheffield United. ( and apparently he is 'free' at the mo, so if I buy the club I can give him a job)

So I have read the piece and now have a Euro Millions ticket tucked in my Gucci handbag and if the numbers come up not only will I buy Sheffield United, a couple of new tiara for match days, I will buy champagne for the Yorkshire Cricket team. Oh Ok and for Durham too but only if they buck their ideas up.

Well no further tweets to let me know if Yorkshire are back out, I guess they are all having a spot of lunch and waiting for the next gripping instalment of my blog!!

Durham are also at lunch, so hopefully both teams will get a great afternoons cricket in.

Fingers and everything else crossed.


Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Lady Lainey goes Global!


Well would you 'Adam and Eve' it I, Lady Lainey  have gone global!, with readers in America (Hi) Canada (Hi or Bonjour depending on region).Russia (zdravstvuj) Netherlands (hoi and big cheers to the Netherlands Cricket team whom I had the pleasure to meet in Leeds/Bradford airport on their way to play Yorkshire April 2011) Ok I digress but it went along the lines of 

Lady Lainey Hi are you a member  of the Netherlands cricket team? 

Eric Szwarczynski  Hi yes I am Eric, pleased to meet you

Lady Lainey  What the devil are you doing in Leeds?

Eric Szwarczynski We are off to play Yorkshire

Lady Lainey  (thinks... mmm favourite home county but try to remain impartial) Hope I don't read that you are bowled out by Ryan Sidebottom.( whilst thinking ' hope he knocks your bails off')

Eric Szwarczynski  Yes I blinking well hope not too ( well those were not his exact words, funny how people always get a grasp of foreign swear words)

We shake hand and I get on plane to Nantes for serious wine swilling with Dame Didi and he goes off with the team to beat Yorks by 2 runs! Sadly he was not bowled by his Royal Ryanness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Any way back to the global thingamejig.
I have people following in Australia ( g'day and probably thanks to Gillespie the Gallant for that), Germany (Hallo) Gibralter ( hiya) and Iran (Salem).
So lets see where the globe-trotting takes us tomorrow.

Anyhoooo  cricket in UK today was dogged by rain which was  a major problem, sun out early in Hampshire and then rain clouds gather as cricketers about to enter the field. = no play on day one. Tweet Gillespie the Gallant to try to keep spirits up.( Probably lowered morale!)
Durham have a little bit more luck with the weather but rain caused constant interruptions in play. No Paul Collingwood either!.Where is Beefy when we need him (golf or fishing), Where is John Morris ( up in a tiger Moth with Gower probably)., where is Paul Romaines ( now there is a blast from the past!!!)/

So close of play and not a great day by home counties and time to end  todays blog and big 'Bonjours' to Dame Didi and ' Monster children' Count Christophe and  Rt Hon Richard who hopefully have just logged on to be part of the infamy.

Bonne nuit à tous jusqu'à demain.


Lady Lainey goes for world Domination

Ok!!! not really what I was talking about!!!!

HURRAY,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Great news on the Super Siddy front ,he should be back in the Yorkshire team in about 3 weeks. Calf strain responding well so speedy recovery wished to His Royal Ryanness. I, Lady Lainey am super bouncy happy about this.  Red curls united!

I am now packing my Louis Vuitton trunk, ready for the Scarborough Festival (end of August), well a Lady has to be prepared! And Mr Funky the chauffeur has taken the blue tank thing to 'Tim'll Fix It' to get the boot reinforced in readiness for my luggage. 

I had purchased a raffle ticket when I was last there, (to be drawn at the festival) so I am hoping that I win the 3rd prize (cricket bat signed by current Yorkshire team). Mr Funky had suggested previously that I buy a bat and just ask them to sign it. Well goodness me!, at this suggestion I nearly choked on my champers!, how on earth would the shy and retiring Lady Lainey ever be able to utter the words ‘Please could you sign my bat’ to her heroes Mr Sidebottom and Mr Gillespie?
Mr Funky did suggest that I tell them it’s for my great grandson!!!!!
If he wasn’t my chauffeur, we may well have a falling out!

Over at Platinum Duck Palace (hub of the cricket tea empire), the freezers are full to bursting and I could feed the England & South African teams for a month with the contents.I Lady Lainey am seriously hoping that we get some play this weekend, just so that some of the food gets used. The real  fact of the matter is that not only is it disheartening for these teams  not playing their matches, it is having disastrous results for some of them that are struggling to stay in the league. Please lets have some sunshine!!! And please more local cricket players turning up to play their matches (e.g not letting the side down!).

However super secret news is that I, Lady Lainey am looking to make a take over bid on another catering empire. To say that this opportunity couldn’t have come at a worse time (rising damp in LT Towers and move to LT Towers II) is an understatement. However lots of workings out on the back of a Harrods receipt to see if it is a viable venture, probably more sleepless nights whilst I do workings out in my head for 8 hours. And then put together a proposal (NO!!! ‘Would like to be Lord Lainey’ is not getting that!.............ever ever ever ).

Takeover bid is still in the early stages but if it’s meant to happen then it will.

World domination is just a Jimmy Choo step away!

The Good Old Days

Harry Latchman super great cricketer and coach (sorry I was so rubbish H)

I, Lady Lainey have been having a little wander down cricket memory lane, I remember when I was nothing more than a ‘Ladyette’ going to stay with Uncle John the Joker and Aunt Eleanor the Elegant in Surrey ( yes I have many county mixes in my blood line).
His Royal Gorgeousness (my Daddy) and Uncle John the Joker would sit glued to the TV (yes it was around in those days!) watching the Test Match.

Her Serene Highness and Eleanor the Elegant would force little Ladyette Lainey to go shopping. (We would go into London and visit Harrods and Harvey Nicks and now my family wonder where my shopping addiction came from?????!!!!!)

Usually upon returning home we could hear Uncle John the Joker, screaming out encouragement (well that’s what my Her Serene highness told me) to the players. I am not sure that screaming at Ian Botham that ‘a b***dy girl can throw better than that’ would have motivated him to throw better, although maybe a better punch!

They would sometimes trot up to the Oval to see Surrey play, although Her Serene Highness would not allow her Ladyetteship to accompany them, saying it was no place for a young lady! Inferring that when Dad and said Uncle got out of the clutches of the woman they would go to the cricket match whoop it up on gin and tonic and then go down the pub at close of play, finally tipping up home in Oxted very late in the evening!

Sometimes we would go and visit other Royal relatives in sunny Essex and watch Graham Gooch play. In these halcyon days cricketers were gentlemen (well at least it was kept out of the newspapers (sometimes!) and tried hard to avoid letting team and country down. There would never have been a ‘pedalo’ incident at Southend now would there?

There also was no such thing as cricket in your ‘pyjamas’, I don’t remember seeing Mike Gatting wearing a diamond earring (extra weight yes! earring no!) and as for frolicking around on an open top bus waving bottles of champers…………no not the done thing.

However time and tide waits for no man as the saying goes and everything moves on. Today sponsorship is the way forward ( Emirates Durham ICG, WTF!!! Bring back ‘The Riverside’ and stop messing around!). Cricket in pyjamas is a money spinner, and finishing your career by dancing on TV seems to be the way forward. (note to self get the Strictly tape of Ramps out tonight!). And really who can blame them a cricketers shelf life is relatively short no matter how good a player he is.

However before you all start commenting on me being a grumpy old woman, let me just say, I truly love cricket , in whatever format, and  watch cricket at club, county and test level to this day. I love the excitement of club cricket on Saturdays (can be very very competitive!) as much as I love County cricket. Its in my blood ( well slightly diluted with Perrier Jouet!).

Oh yes I love it sooooo much I even make the sandwiches and tea!