Sunday, 30 September 2012

Monster children visit

I need to get to the end of it!!!

Well Mr Funky came and did all things horticultural and then Dame Didi arrived with the Monster children..

Count Christophe and I went through some of his college work discussing, architecture and design and build, (woohoo check me out!!!), whilst Dame Didi took Rt Hon Richard to have his locks chopped off.On their return Tim'll fix it called ( and sadly this time he couldn't fix my car!) to say that he had a car for me, so we all jumped into the Monstermobile and headed off to the garage.

After running the gauntlet of the royal hounds, and believe me I never want to be 'french kissed' by a Border Collie ever, ever,ever again. YUK! I finally saw my possible new car. So now waiting to see what the loss adjuster says and emptying my piggy bank, and hopefully it will be the new Lady Lainey Limo.

Over at the World T20, England took on New Zealand ( who were without Jacob Oram). Although no man is a team Luke Wright played exceptionally well and hammered five sixes on the way to scoring 76 from 43 balls. Well done Luke and well done England who went on to win. So now to the next round!.

And not long until super besty home team of Yorkshire are in T20 action, the excitement is mounting here at Tykes Towers. I have washed and ironed my Yorkshire shirt, now just got to wait for 9th October.

Over at Bramell Lane The Blades drew against Notts Co. There was a lot of fouling going on ( and Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo nowhere in site) and yellow cards aplenty. However The Blades take on the Monkey Hangers(Hartlepool) on Tuesday, I wonder if Mr Funky fancies a night over at 'Pool?

The Mighty Whites ( Leeds United) were victorious at Bristol yesterday too, winning 3-2. They take on Bolton ( former team of Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo) . #COYL

So what is in store for Lady Lainey today, well I am going to have a bacon and egg sandwich ( its not all quails eggs and cavier you know!), and then go off to Sedgefield to the bootsale with Countess Christine and the little Lord Memphis.

And when I get back from there I intend having a little nap!

Saturday, 29 September 2012

Had a lie in!

Well its the weekend and I am didn't wake up until 7.15am which is very late for Lady lainey, what a lazy daisy I am! got to get busy in Tykes Towers (to  keep my mind off my battered limo on the drive). I was going to have a tidy up in the garage last night so that when I eventually get a new car it will be able to live in the garage. However I  decided to watch a film on TV and quaff a bottle of Merlot!

I have the paint for the kitchen and so will try to get this sorted this week so that I can get the blind put up and the shelves,which will help to empty one of the two remaining boxes.  Oh deary me its all go and I am beginning to feel like hamster on a treadmill again.

What a mad few sporty days it has been,

Firstly on the cricket front. Yorkshire have signed  Jack Brooks from Nothampton, after having a deep indepth delve through all info regarding this young man, I can say that it is great to have him in the Super besty Home team, however his locks will never be in the league of  his Royal Ryanness's, and he does have a look of Mr McEnroe. #lessoftheheadband.

Mr Hamilton has signed for Mercedes in a deal that will guarantee him a lot of money, so good luck to him when he moves over from McLaren.

Over in La Belle France a giant statue has been unveiled in front of the Pompidou Centre in Paris which depicts the moment when Zinedine Zidane butted Italian Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup final. The statue is entitled 'Coup de tete'and according to the Pompidou Centre it is an 'ode to defeat'.
Sadly this incident marked the end of Zidanes career.

Well off to make bacon and eggs for my breakfast and then wait for Mr Funky to come and mow the lawns in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers( and fat chance of me venturing out there, not with frogs and slugs  lurking!!)

Friday, 28 September 2012

Woohoo its nearly the weekend and boohoo too

Possibly Lady laineys new limo!

Crikey I can hardly believe that it is Friday already and at 4.30pm today I will be on my way home from super swanky Lady Lainey office to start decorating the 'Little Ladies' room. I went to collect the pictures from the framers yesterday that are going to be hung in the bathroom and I am super bouncy excited as I think that both of these rooms are going to look blinking marvellous when they are finished. (Photos will be blogged and also link to new super swanky Lady lainey/ Tykes Towers website will also be posted).

We had a quiet day in the office yesterday as Job the Jolly head buggered off to London leaving me with the other two monkies. I was trying to have a nap as I am still jolly tired  and they kept flipping 'breaking' the printer, messing with the printer and generally getting on my nerves so I messaged Jonny of Albans, who has been jolly poorly. Get well soon and keep wearing the stockings ( no he is not related to the chap in Mnachester airport).

On way home had an 'incident' in the Lady Lainey limo which now means that its looks like said car will be a write off and I Lady Lainey am a little bit shaken to say the least.  However hopefully it will all be sorted out soon. Big shout out to Ageas insurance ( who sponsor besty team in the South Hampshire) for all their help when I phoned.

Was going to have a bit of a swat up on  what I have been missing cricket wise ( not a lot really ) sad about Ireland as I saw them play over the summer. However with all the ballyhoo with the car, I came home and went to bed.!

Got up this morning to the news that England had lost to the West Indies! I think a serious team talk is in order. Playing New Zealand next and anything could happen!

Also just a quick reminder to 'Back Le Bid' your chance to to sign up to bring the Tour De France to Yorkshire. Go to . I love a bit of lycra!!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Thursday already!!!

Well at least it stopped raining for a while yesterday and today looks sort of OK, I am beginning to think (actually I know!) that I should have stayed over in France.

However I am back in Blighty and trying to make the best of it. I am once again sorting out my rubbish  treasures  to put onto eBay as I am now having an even hugerer clear out than before. This time I am working on the blinking books which seem to creep into my house and jump up onto the bookcase, also I am going through the DVD's. Actually I just want to get rid of stuff and get the new house sorted out.

Mr Funky text to ask if I was OK as all the rain that had came down had formed a 'moat' around Tykes Towers, all I need if a fire breathing dragon ( cue Tzarina Katerina) and a knight in shining armour ( cue Sean Bean), and I will be in my own little kingdom. ( Many of you will think that I already am, and need the room with the padded walls!).

Rt Hon Richard had a brill birthday and phoned to say thank you to his besty Auntie Lady Lainey in the whole world, for his pressies and for the mention in the blog. ( which he read at school and laughed out loud at). Sadly over at Chateuau Saltburn, there was little chance of anyone running round with their jumpers over their heads ( luckily for Baron and Baroness Burphy, besty neighbours of the Dame ). They have been without heating since Monday and British Gas are still trying their best to get an engineer out. So wrapping up in blankies and hottie botties in their beds has been the main priorities this week.

Job the Jolly is off to London ( former home of Lady Lainey ) today and fair sneaked that in without me knowing ( I would have asked for a lift and gone to visit friends whilst he did the boring meetings bit). However we have agreed that I will go with him next time.

I am tonight going to catch up on all things cricket as I feel that I have been in the wilderness. The one thing that I do know is Gillespie the Gallant will NEVER EVER EVER do 'Strictly Come Dancing' and for that I salute him and admire his integrity at not selling himself out, ( and he says he is totally uncoordinated).

And so I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to shout at the remaining boys and have a little nap!.

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Happy birthday youngest Monster child nephew

Rt Hon Richard

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday you little monster child
Happy birthday to you

Well as you can guess there will be party tea aplenty over in Chateau Saltburn tonight as Rt Hon Richard is celebrating his birthday. I hope that you have a great day, get lots of pressies, eat lots of cake and sweets, sausage rolls, peanuts, crisps and have fizzy pop, then run around with your shirt over your head until you are sick.......................oh no that's what I do on my birthday!!! WHOOPS!!!!

Have a great day Rt Hon and hope that you enjoy it.

Back to horrid things in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers ( formerly LT Towers II), we have had so much rain that I thought I was going to have to build a flipping ark!!! the drive was submerged and I kind of wished I had the James Bond Lotus! However all the rain has made another little problem rear it ugly head again.


I feel sick, the paths in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers are literally covered with the slimy blighters and the blinking hoppy things are hopping around on the patio, looking over towards the terrified face of I Lady lainey peering from the kitchen . They are obviously having a grand old laugh at my expense, but I tell you I am declaring war again and this time I will finally win!!!!!!!!!! Not sure how, but I am determined. Any ideas gratefully received.

Also need to find out who's cat is leaving (quite large) deposits in the walled garden, if I catch it ( there is a joke in there if you  say it quickly) there will be merry hell to pay!!!.

Over in the land of cricket, there appear to be more talks with KP. I question why????? He is not to be trusted and should never ever be allowed to play for England again, why are they even considering letting him back into the team. He allegedly gave away team tactics and was an all round big headed idiot. So put this to bed finally and let him prepare to scoop up his  bonus in the IPL.

well time to go off to super swanky Lady Lainey office and freeze my whatnot's off! so

thermals on                                               YES

woolies on                                                YES

orange afro ready to get more curly          YES YES YES

so off I go and happy birthday besty youngest monster child nephew xx

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Tuesday, Tuesday, Holiday newsday

and what was this man up too????

Well its Tuesday already and I am desperately trying to catch up on all things cricket, The funny thing is that after 9 day off Twitter  I have really missed Gillespie the Gallants tweets, I love it when he sends his one word answers, they always make me giggle. How will I cope until April without his funny one word answers! ( probably the answer is 'FINE').

I have also been catching up on all the cricket gossip  ( and aren't you cricket boys 'bitchy', wow you put us girlies to shame). Reading as many reports as I can squeeze in and also heard that local clubs around Lady lainey land are playing matches still ( it is obviously to catch up on those lost over the season)

The Duke of Adelaide has changed his profile picture and appears to be basking in  Spring sunshine, I am tres jealous as in the UK over the 'summer' any sunshine would have been good. However having topped up my vitamin D levels in France I think I will, get through the winter without developing rickets.

Well what were Dame Didi and I up to in France??? Well the usual fun filled, laugh a minute time, but starting in Manchester when I was approached by a very badly dressed 'cross dresser' I have no problem with anyone dressing how they want but for goodness sake, have a shave, and shave your legs and your chest, wear something halfway decent,not look as if you got dressed in the dark. Knee high socks, short skirts and hairy legs and hairy chest is never a good look ( I am not speaking from personal experience mind!!).  And DO NOT stand heavy breathing behind me in the queue!

Amsterdam airport = jobs worth woman, who wouldn't let me through on the 'quick get away'queue. Leaving me less than 10 mins to get to the plane. So they closed the gate on me and I very nearly used some unlady like words ( like 'blinking open that gate, you chuffing silly billy, I am getting on that flipping plane if its the last thing I do'). Eventually I got on a bus with the 6 other people and finally made the Air France City hopper!

And so to France and Chateau Didi Premier. Lots of wine and lovely food, raves going on at the neighbours 2 Saturday nights running and star gazing ( which was amazing). A trip to the Pharmacie ( see separate blog) and a couple of trips to the O'bel Bar where we were going to have a little flutter  on the horses, but couldn't figure out how to do it, so we played on the 'Rapido'. If you are ever in France, try this in the PMU bars, it runs every 5 mins. We spent 4 euro and won 3! OK not earth shattering but the Dame and I  were whooping like mad things and the 'Marseillaise' whistling parrot was going loopy too and then the barman was trying to ply us with Pastis ( he knows us too well methinks).

After playing 'Secret Squirrel' with Dame Didi we spotted the  the neighbour naked in the bathroom. Zut alors!!!! it was enough to give me nightmares but luckily after a vat of Gros Plant the image washed away. (Last time I hide behind a shed and go 'commando through the bushes to investigate noise!!!)

And then suddenly it was time to pack bags and drive back to Nantes, I was kicking and screaming this time as I really didn't want to come back to the UK.

And now after getting the first day over at super swanky Lady Lainey office, and seeing the amount of work that has accumulated whilst I have been away, I think that today I had best get my head down and see how much I can get done.....................

...................whilst day dreaming about my next trip home to France!.

And finally MV....NO NO NO to KP!!!!!

Monday, 24 September 2012

Oh no UK and work!!!

Well why the sad face I can hear you all saying. Well firstly I lady Lainey am now back in Tykes Towers ( LT Towers II) and its flipping freezing cold. After the sunny climes of La Belle France, I fear that  it is time to bring out my thermal thong and consider wrapping up in several layers of woolly clothing.

Secondly ( and most importantly) I am back in super swanky Lady Lainey office, and the boys had used all the coffee whilst I was on  holiday and they had left loads of things on my desk and.......................OK you get the gist, I am not a happy lapin.

Also I woke up to hear the news that England played a blinding match last night, letting India win by 90 runs! WOW, what super chaps they are!!!!!!!!!!!!. I am not making any comment as I haven't read the match report and I have had no cricket info at all whilst in France ( Le Figaro, funnily enough does not give cricket results!), so I will refrain from commenting until I have swotted up etc.

Lastly I have a huge pile of washing to get through and since the weather forecast here a week of torrential rain and gale force winds, it looks as if all the washing is going into the garage to dry.

Hopefully by tomorrow I will be in much super bouncy mood and much more like myself. I really need another holiday to get over the one that I have just had.

Oh and the Dame and I got new tiaras for my birthday bash in November. Not long now, so something to look forward too.

Bon Journee

Saturday, 22 September 2012

So what was the discovery?


I bet that you are all on the edge of your seats wondering what amazing discovery Dame Didi and I discovered at 3am in the morning.

Had we found an extra bottle of wine that had been squirrelled away for 'emergencies?', no it blinking well wasn't. We normally sit on the terrace facing the 'southty,northty, easty, westy star ( that will be the North Star to everyone else) and we sometimes see the plough too, however having turned round and looked towards the back of the chateau; we saw that the sky was full of stars; yes we know that they are always there but had never seen them ( usually by the time we stumble in from the terrace we can't see anything!!); but with clear skies and zero light pollution, we were fully able to see the most amazing site ever. Then we spotted 3 stars in a row much brighter than any of the others and although a little squiffy were able to make out that it was Orions Belt as seen above.

Now we are tend to wake up around 3.30-5.00am to 'check ' that the stars are still there!!!!!!

This morning they weren't due to very heavy cloud :-(

Sadly neither of us can get a decent shot with our cameras but it really has been the most wonderful thing that I have seen.

Sadly today is the last day of the holiday and we are doing odd jobs and going to the beach for a quick paddle, before going back up to the chateau to pack ready for the flight back to the UK tomorrow.

Friday, 21 September 2012

just what the doctor ordered

Bonjour I am back!!! yes it is I Lady Lainey (or Lulu as I am known here.)

 You may have been wondering where I have been.Well truth be known I am on my holidays and really just trying to chill out so have put my beloved blog on a back burner. I have been sunbathiing on the terrace most days and also preparing and eating wonderful food for both Dame Didi and myself. However we did have a trip to the pharmacie as we both had very nasty bites on our legs. I will write this is English and you will get the gist

PHARMACIE LADY hellos ladies can I help

LADY LAINEY hello Pharmacie lady we need some cream as we have been bitten on our legs

PHARMACIE LADY oh dear me those blinking mosquitoes!!


PHARMACIE LADY oh what the chuffing hell was it then

DAME DIDI (flapping hers arms in a strange way ) No it was a horse She then stops as she realises that horse fly in french could be somthing different.

PHARMACIE LADY you were bitten by a horse or maybe a chicken!!!!!

 She put cream and spray on the counter charges us 9€ and we leave as she mumbles to her co worker, 'obviously been over the O'Bel bar too long '

Dame Didi and I come back to the chateau and get drunk on the terrace and at 3am make an amazing discovery...............

Monday, 17 September 2012

What is the big yellow thing in the sky???

Got up this morning to a huge yellow thing in the sky , I ran to wake up Dame Didi, woohoo I think it is sunny I squealed and raced off to don my bikini, ( and scare the neighbours and local wildlife)

Woohoo lying out on the terrace reading my book what better way to 'chillax'. I know I promised to tell more about the odd sorry interesting people I met on my way here but when we got tothe internet cafe it was closed so that will have to wait for another day
We went to buy a new shed for the grounds of the chateau and spotted the one straight away so Dame Didi put her order in. We also bought the winning lotto ticket for tonight here in France so I have everything crossed so that I can purchase my super Lady Lainey (or Lady Lulu as I am known here) residence. you may be finding my blog quite boring of late however if I told you a quarter of what has been going down here at the chateau it would make you cry with laughing.I am saving this for when I am not typing on an android impliment.
However I will say we have not yet seen the marseillaise whistling parrot but have seen s o dog. And tomorrow when the plumber comes Dame Didi will be playing United nations give us a clue. A true joy to behold and source of much merriment in the aftermath. And so as the sun sets here and we prepare to retire to the terrace to star gaze (a euphamism for getting squiffy) we will be looking again for the plough, the southty northy easty star and the 'shooting star' that is usually a plane!!! I ask the question again is it really safe to let us out!!!!

Sunday, 16 September 2012

bon vacance

Welcome to France and to my holidays as you can probably tell I Lady Lainey am having seious problems with the l' ordinator [computer] here in La Belle France.
 I finally arrived safely at Nantes after nearly missing my flight at Amsterdam thanks to a jobs worth!least said about that the better. But with seriously aching ears and really thinking I was going to die in turbulance ( and I am a seasoned traveller) I was sunbathing on the terrace in no time.
 Today Dame Didi and I were mistaken for frenchwomen and then I ended up doing ' supermarket sweep' for a poorly frenchman.
Home for me to make new roller blinds for the chateau.have a kip and now21.07pm we are sat on the terrace drinking wine We have been star gazing one of our favourite pastimes and trying to see the nouvelle lune but clouds have made it tres difficile. Tomorrow I am going to the internet cafe to be able to tell more of exploits including the bad crossdresser. The kind stewardess and how 20 buckets of wine make it all seem like a bad dream. Bon nuit tout le monde x

Friday, 14 September 2012

Countess Culshaw is 21 (again)

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday with several pints of wine
And don't spend the night in the loo

Well as you may have guessed it is The Countess Culshaws birthday today. Here's hoping that you have a great day and get very drunk and behave disgracefully like we used to when we were Little Ladies and Countesses.Be sure that Dame Didi and I will be having a glass of wine to celebrate with you.

Also a big shout out for Mr Funky the chauffeur who delivered me to Manchester and should now be on the golf course( BORING!!!!). Hope he  doesn't forget to come and pick me up!!.

I have been all over the globe this morning, Manchester, Amsterdam, Nantes and finally Coex, but the best thing is I AM ON MY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

After the stresses of the week (Yorkshires promotion push) and trying to tie up a million loose ends at work, I am finally here at Chateau Didi Premier and can't wait for BBQ time. So with the Gros Plant and fizz in the fridge, hopefully veal marinading and haches steaks waiting to go onto the 'barbie' ( hopefully some Yorkshire salad too) I can really start to enjoy my first night back at 'home' in France.

So this is really a very short one as I need to un pack, unwind and get ready because its nearly




Wooooohoooooo we is going up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( OK not grammatically correct but I is super excited!!!). After bad light and rain had the players at Cardiff on and off the field, they eventually got the runs needed to make sure that The Tykes went up!!!What a great pressie for I Lady Lainey before I go off on my grand tour! A huge shout out to Gillespie the Gallant who has turned the team around and brought them back to where they belong, also to the amazing efforts of the 'boys' who have knuckled down to the job in hand.
Despite injuries, England call ups and to quote coach 'honking weather' they have pulled through to make every Yorkshireman ( and woman) proud.

So now lets get the title!! No pressure Jason.

And over at former besty home county  of Durham things are going from bad to worse, instead of clearing out the deadwood, they are actually giving one 'piece' a blinking benefit, methinks he has been on a 6 year benefit especially as the last 2 seasons he has done bugger all, actually I reckon he played more matches for Yorkshire when 'loaned'. What a flipping joke!!!! Another nail in the membership coffin and as I have said before,they will not miss my money however I do not think that I will be the only member stunned by this announcement. I did tweet Durham 'ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!' and didn't get a reply or a retweet!!! Not that I expected one.
They also won their match!

So as I put the final clothes in my bag before jetting off to La Belle France, I do so in the certainty that next season I will be £140 better off. Woohoo new tiaras and champers with that 'saving'

I am tweaking my new 'Tykes Towers' website which I will unveil after my hols for anyone that is interested, it will be very boring and about the work that I am doing at the house to bring it up to Lady Lainey standard.But worth a glance to see what I am doing when I no longer am on the boundary.

So off to the office for my last day of shouting at the boys for a while and , then straight off to Manchester for my jaunts around the globe to get me to Nantes!!!

have a great day everyone


any excuse!!!

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Justice for the 96


Finally the families of the 96 victims of the Hillsborough disaster know the truth. After 23 years of putting every ounce of their energies into getting a truthful and unbiased report, it was released yesterday morning and they were the first people to view it. These people lost loved ones and have always tried to maintain their dignity whilst striving for the truth to be made known. Also for the survivors who had to live with the lurid headlines that were plastered across downmarket red top tabloid newspapers.

Hearing David Cameron make his statement in parliament, apologising on behalf of the country, made me cry. I had personal experience of how a survivors life had been changed by this tragedy and know first hand that what unfolded on 15th April 1989 in front of this person will haunt him for the rest of his life.

However hopefully all families of victims and survivors will now get peace of some sort knowing that any slur on their character has finally been erased. This will never bring back loved ones though!

As for The S*N  I hope they are sued out of the market for the lies told in the aftermath.Regardless that they thought they were being reliable informed.

Families vindicated, fans exonerated. Police shamed, hopefully now the High Court will order a truthful inquiry.

RIP the 96. You'll never walk alone.

And so very briefly on to less somber events of yesterday.

Super besty home county of Yorkshire are in pole position at the moment, they had a good second day but ended on 44-3 as bad light brought a halt to the match. So with rapidly fraying nerves and no nails left to bite, day 3 begins.

England won at Edgbaston.

 Squad for India not now being announced until Tuesday. (NO NO NO to KP!)

Other home team of Durham, not doing too badly but rain affected play at times.


Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Bean beaten to it!!!!!!!!!!!

#gutted,#cantbelieve it,
What is it that has got Lady Laineys orange curls in a whirl, well let me tell you....... the' lucky to be considered as Lord Lainey', Mr Sean Bean, has been and gotten himself a girlfriend. Well I am heartbroken to say the least. I was even considering stepping down the aisle again with him ( even though he hadn't asked me!). Well I will continue waiting because sure as eggs is eggs he will be on the market again soon.

Spent all of yesterday at work keeping up to date on twitter re the most important match of the season...........Yorkshire V Essex! Had 'tweeted' Gillespie the Gallant yesterday morning (but only with the blog details, I am sure that he had more important things on his mind), and I was feeling jolly sick with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. I was a tad concerned when we lost Joe Root very early but of course the boys fought on, however there was a tweet from @YorkshireCCC and I think that some people had been sending tweets with unkind words about my Tykes, how very dare they!!!.
Yorkshire were 284 at the close of play,with his Royal Ryanness scoring a very respectable 37, and apparently playing some pretty great shots too.
As reported on the Yorlshire CCC website, end of day one no one any the wiser in the promotion push, but Yorkshire still in the thick of it.
Over at Derbyshire after an initial wobble by Hampshire they pulled back to 272 all out closing with Derbyshire on 50-3!
Glamorgan batted well at Cardiff, with Kent earning 2 bowling points.
So day 2 dawns with all Tykes fans on the edge of their seats.

I had been out at lunchtime and made a couple of purchases for Christmas ( yes I know it is only September but I like to be prepared!), so they will go into the present box and will be wrapped up when I get back from France. And also have to post out card and pressie to Countess Culshaw besty friend in the world and mummy of the gorgeous Sir Samuel ( who is into his second week at school now!), her birthday is whilst I am away wine swigging and partying hard with Dame Didi.


Blinking horrid slimy things those slugs!,  Last night I put down half a ton of slug pellets which will leave me lots of slime and horrid stuff but hopefully will deter the aforementioned slugs. However the frogs are a different thing altogther, it has been suggested that I get some one with a stronger constitution than myself ( methinks Mr Funky) to get hold of the frog and throw it into next doors garden, however I think that this would be just a temporary measure as this frog seems to like me ( judging by the amount of times he 'pops out' to say hello) so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know.

Well another day another attempt to clear my desk before the 'Grand Tour' begins on Friday. So off to shout at the boys ( only Pony Paul and Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman today, Job the Jolly is seeing young Job the Jolly Jnr off to school and then doing some daddy type things this afternoon).
2 days until we are ready for the off!!!

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

4 days to go

Are Pink Hippo and Vomit Bag ready for France? looks like they are already on the Pastis!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO 4 days to go until I am reclining on the terrace and drinking copious amounts of Gros Plant! CAN'T WAIT!!!!! The weather forecast is good for the weekend, and not too bad for the rest of the week, Super dooper bouncing excited now.......................must go and pack my bag.

Over on the cricket front

Super besty home team of Yorkshire are in Chelmsford  for the last match of the season and final push for promotion. Take about taking it to the wire, talk about making Lady Lainey sick with excitement. And I am trying very hard not to chew my nails off ( so that they are super smart when I am in La Belle France).
The team all went out for a bit of 'bonding' last night to 'nandos' ( no not Torres!) and then hopefully an early night for them all. I am sending big #coyt wishes to Gillespie the Gallant, His Royal Ryanness and all the boys. Whatever happens you have had a fantastic season and have done all Tykes proud with your amazing show of team spirit and exceptional playing. Can't wait until next season!!!!!

Other home team of Durham are in action today and to be honest there is nothing to report, by their appalling playing, poor sportsmanship and lack of team spirit they should have been in the place of Lancashire. However you did manage to pull a couple of rabbits out of the bag to save yourselves and hopefully next season will play like a proper team.

I Lady Lainey can hardly believe that the season is nearly over, I had just got back from France when the season started and now it is coming to a close and I am hopping over 'le Manche' for another holiday, however after working nearly 7 days a week, for the past few months I think that I deserve it.

And so full of nervous excitement I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to get ready for the start of the match ( well I am on holiday wind down).



After the lovely weather  I had seen nothing of slugs or frogs, however when I went  to put the recycling out this morning, there were 'hundreds' of slugs outside( well it had rained some last night), so I carefully stepped around them and then as I moved the recycling bin..........the flipping frog jumped out.The cardboard is now spread all over 'the deer park' and newspaper is on the patio, I am locked in the house and won't even go out to throw down some slug pellets!!! Horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, 10 September 2012

A job (part) well done

This is how I am feeling this morning, Dog tired!, I started painting yesterday  before 8am and was stopped at midday by Tzarina Katerina arriving and then got back to it half an hour later, I carried on until it rained at about 3.30pm and by that time I had managed to paint 8 of the 26 railings that surround the outside if Tykes Towers, I am beginning to know how the men feel that paint the Forth Road Bridge!

I will not give up until the railings are complete ( or I fly off to La belle France which ever comes first). I have to say though that a lick of black paint has made all the difference to the look of the outside of the house and I am jolly proud of myself, I am however covered in metal paint, in places that I have no idea how it got there!, I am also sporting a very 'goth' paint effect on my nails!.

And so I am on wind down this week for my jollies, although I doubt there will be any 'wind down' at super swanky Lady Lainey office as huge mega big job in Wembley ( autocorrect has brought up Wombles for this, I am laughing so much!) is ongoing and lots of things to do before I go away.

Back to all things sporty,

Well all the years of build up ( and building, we were involved in the transformation of the stations on the DLR) for the Olympics and Paralymics all came to a close last night and that is it for good old Blighty. It all seemed to run smoothly and we didn't do too badly in the medals either. So well done one and all.

Over at Monza the wonderful Baron Button showed what a true sportsman he is, when his car came to a halt and he was out of the race. According to Dame Didi, he got out of his car and waved to all the crowd and was also a perfect sportsman when interviewed. How different from his 'team mate' last week after the crash. The aforementioned person went on to win, so hopefully he was more forthcoming when interviewed!.

Football on Saturday saw the Blades draw with Scunthorpe 1-1.

and we are one day away from the start of the big match at Chelmsford. Promotion push for the Tykes, sick feeling in the pit of Lady Laineys tummy, and every faith in my boys!.

Well time to don my suit and fluff my curls and off to the office for work, hope the boys have got the kettle on or there will be hell to pay!

Have a great day where ever you are.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

England V South Africa


Its a lovely sunny September morning here at Tykes Towers and before I race outside to continue painting the railings I will give you a quick update on yesterday.

I, Lady Lainey , did some painting, raced into the Towers to get ready for Mr Funky to arrive and he was AN HOUR! late, now this is happening a little too often, and quite worrying as he is taking me to the airport next week ( which airport still not sure about!). he made some excuse about works open day, going to the top of new building, blah blah , official capacity, whinge, moan. So I switched off and off we went to Chester Le Street. We arrived to see that England ladies had beaten the West Indian ladies, and settled down to eat lunch and drink coffee ( yes no wine etc for her Ladyship....shock....breaking wine!!!! it will become clear later)

I can give an outline of the England v South Africa match in  a few words. Not worth the money we paid to go!. However it was very sunny, we saw the 'robocam' Sky camera man ( he is always popping up), and talked to a lovely family from Driffield. Then Mr Funky drove me home and I had to do a very quick change into Mrs Ordinary to go to the presentation evening at Super Shildon BR CC.And off I drove ( hence no wine at cricket!)

The flowers above ( BEAUTIFUL cream roses and as most people know I , Lady lainey only like white or cream flowers, odd really when red is my favourite colour. Cheap date on Valentines Day though, no red roses for me YUKKY!!). along with a bottle of fizz and 2 bottles of Merlot,  were my gift for my service to the men of the club ( actually that sounds a tad rude!). They were the clubs way of saying thank you for the teas that I have provided for them.

Sat with Rt Hon Robbo Jr, Rt Hon Robbo Middle and the Fair Florence and Super Jim ( Robbo Jr besty mate in the whole world). Had a 'wild' evening, playing bingo (YES!), listening to a club singer ( YES!), and then pulling some raffle tickets out of a box. Actually it was a really lovely evening I was totally exhausted when I climbed into my bed at midnight!.
And now I am preparing to go back out and paint, paint,paint!

Hopefully pics of the new improved Tykes Towers will be posted soon.

Oh yes forgot to say     'COME ON JENSON', who is second place on the grid behind that other person! So lets have the double today.

Saturday, 8 September 2012

There is nothing like a Dame......

The Dame in Le Touquet Paris Plage

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Dame Didi
Happy Birthday to you ( with lots of wine in France and Maroon 5 blasting out!)

Happy birthday to super besty in the world sister, The Dame Didi! Have a super day and sorry that I can't be with you, cricket calls. Hope that the monster children do all the chores and that they make the meals and do the shopping and the housework and washing................. and then in the REAL WORLD, hope that they remembered to get  you a card!

Also big birthday wishes to besty oldest school friend Duchess Debbie the Wise who is 21, just like moi! Have a super splendid day with your hubby and the boys.
Duchess Debbie  the Wise & the lovely Lady Lainey

And already this morning I have painted 1 set of railings outside of  Tykes Towers, and now am  going to have a shower  get the  orange afro washed and waiting for Mr Funky to pick me up and deliver me to Chester Le Street to the T20.Lunch and tea is all packed up and the weather forecast is 'scorchio' well its going to be a lovely day.

The cricket news

Essex beat Hampshire which puts to an end  their promotion push. Yorkshire are 1 point behind Derbyshire at the top of the table, making the match at Chelmsford next week very exciting.Kent are 5 points behind Yorkshire. In Division 1 Lancashire have gone from the highs of winning the championship last year to the lows of going down to division 2 next season.

7 days to La Belle France and still waiting to hear what will be happening with my flight.

Have a super Saturday.

Friday, 7 September 2012

War continues

This is war!! ( and any excuse for a Dolph pic!!)

YUK! YUK! AND YUK! I now have a slug graveyard along the line of salt by my back door making it now impossible for I, Lady Lainey to step into the vast grounds of Tykes Towers in my Jimmy Choos!
Between the slug corpses and the frogs I am a captive in my house! Think I will have to get Mr Funky to come and clean up the mess and then I may venture forth once more into the garden.

After work yesterday I went out and wood stained the gate which now looks wonderful I also chopped down the bushes in 'The Deer Park' ( as Mr Funky calls one part of the garden). Jobs left to do outdoors
  1. Clean the patio
  2. Paint the garage door and million railing around the front of Tykes Towers
  3. Have super massive bonfire
  4. Have gravel put down outside the kitchen
  5. Have a bucket of wine to celebrate a job well done.
Now to the important things CRICKET,
over at Headingley YORKSHIRE WON!!!!!!! and a storming 6 wicket win it was too. Gillespie the Gallant must be very proud of his boys. The promotion charge now goes down to 4 days at Chelmsford next week. I am bouncing already,#coyt

Down at former besty team in the south, Hampshire Essex put on a cracking batting display scoring 475 which leaves Hants  to score 353 to win. Could be a good day at The Rose Bowl today.

Other sporty news

 Sunday is the Grand Prix at Monza and Dame Didi is now on Twitter, tweeting Baron Button, encouraging him to another win.  It will be fun in La Belle France when we are both fighting over the 'tablet' to see what is going on!

T20 at Chester le Street tomorrow, England v South Africa and I Lady Lainey will be in my usual position.

Tomorrow also sees the Presentation evening at Super Shildon BR CC.

Well yipdeskip it is Friday, last day of the working week and only 8 days until I am on that plane to La belle France which has now all changed again, instead of flying to Paris and then on to Nantes, now the plane is going to Amsterdam and then Nantes, so after all the chopping and changing by Air France and KLM I  am hoping that they may consider either letting me fly from Durham Tees Valley airport or give me use of the super swanky first class lounge at Manchester. We will see.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

I Likes Tykes!

Well done to super Tyke Joe Root for winning LVCC breakthrough player award. Well deserved award for a talented young player.

And talking about Tykes... Yorkshire were in batting yesterday and scored 344 with Lyth being 'just over the boundary' away from a century. His Royal Ryanness scored 35 (very impressive). Glamorgan went back into bat and at the close the score was 27-2. Come on boys. #topcoaching #topteam.#going up!!!!

Down at former super besty team in the South (Hampshire) the cracking bowling start against Essex didn't really relay into the batting, Hampshire managed to edge a lead and  Essex went back into bat trailing by 59 runs, and went on to have an amazing day at the crease with the score at the close 217-2. As was reported in Hampshire, 'not much fun in the sun!'

Not wanting to rest on my laurels after a success keeping the slimy little blighters out of the house for another night, I have now found where they may be coming into the house and so after very long drawn out discussions in super swanky Lady Lainey office, I am going to be filling cracks under the door frame with expandable foam. REALLY!!!! The boys in  the office think that it is a good idea for me to be let loose with this product. Apparently I can't go wrong!! OMG this should be fun!. If it all goes belly up I will post a photo.

Big shout out for Lou Vincent in his 'Wacky Woodworm wagon'. Hope you've had a fun season and call in at Tykes Towers when you are in Co Durham. check out

Well this is a short one today as I had forgotten how busy the roads were now that 'little people' have returned to school. I did see the lady across the road put her child in the car and drive around the corner to the super school ( Sugar Hill) that I went to. However it took her longer to strap him in and get the car sorted than it would have to have walked there! Carbon Footprint????

9 days to La Belle France, and the answer to the question from yesterday is.........................Gland is French for acorn and that's what the cakes were, anyone thinking otherwise obviously has a mind that works the same way as mine!!!

Bon Journee

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Slugwars day 2 and day 1 Tykes report

Slugwars Day 2

Well I Lady Lainey decided to go down the  less chemical route last night, ( I was tempted to have a vat of boiling oil to pour on the slimy little blighters) so a huge amount of salt around the back door with a handful of slug pellets for good measure to see if it would stop them getting in ( OK I know the slug pellets are not nice, but nor is slime on your carpet!). No trace this morning but to on the safe side I will be donning my camouflage paint and going commando(!!!) later this evening and putting down 'Slug Killer'. Also on the patio a bowl of beer to drown them in ( at least they will have a party before they go!).

Its cricket again whoopdedoo!!! and over at in super besty  home team of Yorkshire it was the first day of their match with Glamorgan. WOOOOHOOOO super splendid triffy news............yes you've guessed it his Royal Ryanness was back in the team.  I was bouncing around super swanky Lady Lainey office when I saw the team listed on Twitter ( or 'Titter'! as my auto correct keeps putting in!). 
So they won the toss and elected to field.. His Royal Ryanness took 2 wickets ( back on form I see!), but Patterson took 4! well done that man. Glamorgan were all out for 272. In reply Yorkshire closed the day on 20-0. #coyt #goingup#strongunit

Super besty home team in the South, Hampshire (now on the black list due to beating my Tykes in the T20 final) had a cracking day down at The Rose Bowl ( yes I know it has some silly sponsor name, but it was originally named the The Rose Bowl ) They had Essex at 7-1  and then 25-2 very very early on. And even though they are still in my bad books, I couldn't help but smile, as two of the clubs that I watched regularly when I lived in London  were slugging it out! Then 25-3 in the 13th over so it was looking good in Southampton. actually they did jolly well and got Essex out for 180 with David Balcombe reaching his 50th First class wicket. A terrific bowling display shown by Hampshire who were 165-4 in reply at close of play.

Pony Paul  'Draughtsboy' in Swanky Lady Lainey office had been for a 'wild' weekend in Blackpool  ( For the love of god, I could think of far wilder places to go) and only just made it into the office today. He looks rough and I for one am not going  to ask what kind of shenanigans they got up to! Roy 'Chubby' Brown was mentioned so at that point I completely tuned out as I realised that it was some hideous boy bonding/drinking/pleasure beaching thing. And I bet they never took a change of undies either!.Boys are horrid!!!

Only 10 days until I am flying off to La Belle France, I am getting so excited now that even the mental bidding on my junk on ebay is not even coming close to the thought of what Dame Didi and I will unexpectedly get up to! 'Marseillaise' whistling parrots, dead Easter bunnies,mermaids on the beach at St Gille Crois de Vie and  Glands (  my favourite moment in Hyper U  screaming with laughter much to the Dames horror when she saw the said cakes!!!), Prune Jam ( 'It'll make you sh**e through the eye of a needle'),Viktor, and 'Wobin' as well as S.O. dog, are previous highlights. I hope that we don't get shot at again this September!!!!!

Glands! What do you think the English translation is???? Answer tomorrow

Going for promotion


Noooooo not I Lady Lainey, going for promotion but my Tykes. Today is the start of the match at Headingley against Glamorgan. And regardless of the fact that in my office we have super swanky new job in London on going, I ,Lady Lainey will be following ball by ball on twitter. It will be a great turnaround for my Tykes ,so come on boys you can blinking well do it. Gillespie the Gallant has helped to pull together a great team and they deserve to go up next season #coyt

Yorkshire also had a presentation dinner where Richard Pyrah got  the 'Outstanding Performance' award. Joe Root got 'Young player of the year' and Gary Ballance seemed to sweep the board with the rest. Well done to you  all and judging by a couple of pics on twitter yesterday a good evening was had by all.

Well over at the former besty home team of Durham, they are not in action until next week and I am hoping that in that time there will have been some decisions made as to where the club moves onto. I guess the boys will be training hard for the last match of the season. ( Me thinks not).

OMG not only do I have frogs in the garden, I Lady Lainey have now discovered that slugs are coming into the back of my house. YUK, YUK, and YUK again. I HATE SLUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
I have been on the Internet and found every possible way to get rid of them and as I don't have any children, pets(yet) or old people in my house, I can use every chemical known to man to get rid of them.I know this is not the most humane method but believe me I hate seeing  trails from my back door into the house,it makes me feel sick as I don't know where the blighters have gone and they lay eggs and ..........................its no good they have to go, so I will be gathering my weapons tonight to wage war on them. SLUGS BEWARE Lady Rambo Lainey is on the warpath.

Monday, 3 September 2012

Go, Go, Go Jenson

12 more days until I am in France

Woohoo super Baron Button was on top form yesterday winning the Belgian Grand Prix! What a super sportsman ....unlike his team mate Mr Hamilton who showed his unsportsmanlike qualities when being interviewed. When you have such a high profile and are in the public eye, try to behave in an adult manner when you are interviewed! How childish and churlish he appeared ( or actually is?) how rude to the interviewer. Yes it was an horrific accident that took him out of the race, but hell, poo happens and he is still walking and talking  ( even though he was rude)!!!.

Wooohoooo no more cricket teas until next season, Platinum Duck Palace ( hub of cricket tea empire ) is now going into semi shut down, however available for weddings, bar mitzfas and funerals.

Ebay is my new besty friend in the world I have been selling all my rubbish  treasures and making a couple of bob along the way, woohoo new tiaras for the Dame and I and a bucket of Gros Plant  for us both in France.
Also trying to persuade Dame Didi to have a party for her upcoming birthday when I get to France. Lots of cheese and wine or a night down the 'O'Belle' bar complete with 'Marseillaise' whistling Parrot, wow that would be a mega fun night especially as we would have to walk home, we might even find the 'lapin de Paque' actually scrap that I flipping hope not  he has been 'deaded' since Easter Monday!!!!!!!!!!!

Even though it is Monday, I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office in good spirits ( maybe it is the residue of last night) and will try my hardest not to shout at the 'boys' today. Actually it will be really sad as I wont be getting my usual 9.00am call from Sir Robert of Solihull as he no longer works for the company, big boohoo for that.

Got my super swanky new wall paper for bathroom and 'little ladies' room at Tyke Towers so photos to follow when I have finally done the deed ( wallpapering that is ).

Over at the 4th ODI, England beat South Africa by 6 wickets, hopefully England will have now settled down after an eventful few weeks, and hopefully it will be a great match on Saturday when I Lady Lainey take my 'spot' at Chester Le  Street for the match. Also this may be my last visit to CLS unless Yorkshire go up and I will be there next year cheering the Tykes on.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

What a let down

13 days until I am driving down this tree lined avenue

Dame Didi called into Tykes Towers yesterday morning as I was getting all the staples together for the tea at Super Shildon BR CC, when my mobile rang it was Rt Hon Robbo jr. Well there had been no rain ( for a change) and there was none forecast so it was a mystery as to why he was ringing.  The call was to tell me that the game was off,due  to not being able to get a team out! Poor Rt Hon Robbo Jr! The club is his pride and joy and he is always dismayed when this happens. Boys of Super Shildon CC get your blinking acts together  you either play for the club or you don't. There are people who give alot of their time to making sure that things run smoothly at the clubs and then get let down at the last moment!.

Also realised that tomorrow is the last tea at Marton CC, phheewwww!!! what a relief now I can go to the T20 Eng v SA  next week without the worry of teas the next day. Yipppeee, G & T's for Lady Lainey, carpet burgers from the burger man at Chester Le Street, coffee and brandy if it is flipping cold and Mr Funky driving me home.WOOOOOOOO breaking news, I am asked to attend the cricket presentation at Super Shildon BR CC that same evening, so probably not best to roll in slightly squiffy especially as cousins RT Hon  Robbo Middle and the Fair Florence will be there, got to try to be on my best behaviour! damn and blast!!!

So a day to myself (again) and put up some more pictures as well as doing very mundane things ( putting on dishwasher....yes I can do that myself!). As well as lying on the chaise longue and having a bit of a nap. Then the phone rang it was besty friend in the South, Comtessa Cruse and her other half Rt  Hon Hodsman with the latest news from Pinner. An hour and a half later after crying with laughter/desperation at the antics  of our other friend Lady Jane ( who managed to get a friend lost on the 2 mile journey from her house to the Comtessa's) it was decided that possibly Comtessa should dye her hair brown so as not to be associated with the previously mentioned Lady Jane ( she is blonde!). However they had a terrific meal in an Indian Members club in Northwood Hills that I Lady Lainey had been to a few times when I lived there.

So today we have

Paralympics continuing

F1 in Belgium with........................Baron Button on Pole, #coyj

Lady Lainey attempting to put out washing without being attacked by mutant frogs

Cricket teas at Marton CC ( very close to birthplace of Lady Lainey)

Busy day for me, so best to get on with it.

Saturday, 1 September 2012

What a day for the Tykes

Scarbella day 1 is that his Royal Ryanness in the dressing room window?

Well up and about early to don my disguise of Mrs Ordinary to go and dispense much needed sustenance to the mighty cricketers of Super Shildon BR CC. I have been sandwich making and organising sausage rolls and quiche for the said boys and have to only to sort out cakes for them and then will be ready for the off.

And talking about cricket what a day it was yesterday, Super super besty in the world home team of Yorkshire, finally got out to play at Scarbados and declared, so that they could really 'make a game of it'. Great sportsmanship and true Tyke like love of cricket and the game.
Gloucs were 159 at the end of 10 overs and then the Tykes went back in to bat.. They were amazing and scored 316 wining by 2 wickets. #coyt. Yorkshire took 19 points leaving them 4 points clear of Kent in third place and 2 matches to play. Come on boys you can do it. #strongunit #topteam #goingup

Former besty home county of Durham drew with Lancashire securing 10 points. Collingwood scored a century which was great for both him and the team, but as I have said before, it is a little too late in the season for heroics. There were reports last week that a further two players are up for grabs at Durham, both still with a year on their contracts. Both seem troubled by either injury or personal misdemeanour. I am waiting for the clearing out of the deadwood from the back room and the coaching side. When that happens I do think that things will improve all round.

So today all home teams have a few days off, I can see Gillespie the Gallant 'splodging ' in the sea at Scarbella, His Royal Ryanness eating candy floss whilst on the waltzer. And Durham lads all out on the lash in the city!

Last night Black Knight of the Ferrari popped up at my house ( he didn't attempt to put the 'beast' onto the drive)  quite late ( after blinking 9pm and the noise of the 'beast' caused a bit of curtain twitching amongst the serfs). He wanted to whisk me out for a couple of sherries, however as a I hadn't washed my orange curls and couldn't be bothered to slap some war paint on I made him a cup of coffee and then sent him on his way.He is off to foreign climes next week to sell his wares ( apparently!). So hope that it is fabulously profitable for him.

And so now back to the job in hand, sort out the cakes and orange squash then off to do my duty.