Thursday, 28 February 2013

Thursday round up

So lets get straight down to the 'nitty gritty' and I can tell you that the little Lady Lainey waving the windmill in the picture would no doubt be battering someone with it if she was in NZ.

The warm up for the test match was taking place and Bell made 158 as England reached 426 all out . Joe Root was selected to play and made a good start with 49. However KP, back in to do his best, made 14 ( windmill battering ahoy!). Broad was also included, obviously desperate to prove his fitness  and made 14 ( windmill battering ahoy and doubt he will be fit for the test!). Lets see how it goes on today New Zealand are currently on  224-6.

Lets also hope that Bell can keep that smug look off his face!.( windmill where are you???)

The drugs testing debate trundles onto its second day with Michael Vaughan putting his oar in. His statement that if there was regularly testing it would be a starting point to potentially wiping it out completely. HHMMMMMM????? That is obvious!

Paul Smith who played for Warwickshire in the 1990's and was banned for drug taking, also talked about the testing and as he has first hand experience of drugs his comments seemed more viable. I saw Paul play many times in the '90's and he was a talented, man who looked to have a good career ahead of him. After being banned by the ECB he appeared to be in the wilderness. He now works for The Princes Trust and also is involved with ComptonCC a Los Angeles based cricket team which counts ex gang members on the team.

Sussex have announced losses of £325,000, however the BBC sports page lost the link so no further news on that.

The MCC committee are trying to get T20 cricket included into the 2024 Olympics. They believe that this could be great boost to the game, I believe if clubs lowered their  prices it would make the game more accessible to families #justmyopinion.
The committee who met in Auckland over the last two days ( nice little jolly!) said that the earliest that they could lobby to  be included was 2024, The T20 format being the best way to showcase the game.


After yesterdays dismal start and then glorious sunshine, its looking similar for today, so get the washing hung on the line, get your skirt on ( ladies only) and get out at lunchtime to bask in some much needed vitamin D restoring sun.

Pony Paul is back today so the phone will not stop ringing and he is bound to fall out with an Architect. I will be doing my usual, drinking gallons of coffee (in my new coffee cup thank you RMFC) and looking pretty.

So until tomorrow

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Lady Lainey's whips Mr Funky into shape

Haha in your dreams!!!!
So Mr Funky the chauffeur is carrying  condition, ( horse racing term, and he sure ain't no race horse!! ) and I decided that he should partake in some super exercise devised by I Lady Lainey (and you can all take your minds out of the gutter! He is the chauffeur!). So last night after doing the million and one other things that I Lady Lainey have to do in my life, I went round to call for him and then you may well have seen Mr Funky and I running along the A167.
Flipping heck it is really hard to run and keep your tiara in place and also control your orange afro as well as trying to shout out encouraging words. So to the sounds of ' Come on Lard A**e get a wriggle on'  & 'Faster fatty that pace is not going to burn the calories' I egged Mr Funky into doing a circuit of the town
 ( old town that is,not the over sized and inflated ego end of town). When I got home I collapsed into bed, but no need  for the Funkster to know that!
The idea is that we do this a couple of times a week and hopefully that combined with Lady Lainey's diet lunches and teas for cricket will see Mr Funky  become a lean mean chauffeuring machine again in no time.
 ( and also a miserable chuffing sod as he can't have cake).

That aside I can tell you that I thought MY legs were going to fall off this morning, not sure how he feels!.

So what else has been going on in the world.

Well sadly the inquest into Tom Maynards death have brought up the fact that he was 4x over the drink driving level and had cocaine and ecstasy in his system.A true shame for a young man with talent. this has moved the cricket authorities to demand more drug testing on players. A verdict of accidental death was recorded on Tom.
Sadly the inquest also brought up the fact that Tom had been a regular drug user.

Paul Colleywobble  Collingwood has undergone surgery on his thumb but should be match fit for the start of the season #stopsuckingitthen  #stopspittingyourdummyout!

Footy news, The Blades took on Leyton Orient at Bramall Lane last night 0-0.Ryan Flynn had the best chance for Sheffield but it never happened ( obviously as you read the score above!).George Long the Blades goalie did a fine job, and they took away a point to continue their title chase. Saturday sees them at Oldham #COYB

On this day 27th February Pony Paul was born, he said 32 years ago but Job the Jolly reckons it is more like 40!. He is not at work today as he is wasting a holiday so that he can lounge around in bed all day. Whatever he does we all wish his 'Many Happy Returns' and hope that he gets everything that he wants.
( Doubt that)


Sun is coming up, but that in no way infers that there will be heat, The temperature is 0! However we may make the heady highs of 3c today. I may even omit my scarf in celebration. OK maybe not.

And so with that I am off to a (quiet) super swanky Lady Lainey office, with just Jobbers and I  ( well Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman is in, but we won't see him as he will have a doctors appointment and then the optician and probably have to take his wife to the vets or wherever he takes her..........................the list grows daily, but at least he only has 4 months until he retires!)

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

It's Tuesday and its freezing

Well jolly good morning from Blighty. Today is the day that the first delivery for 'Hortensi Bleu' is made. The gift bundle will be delivered to Little Lord Jonny and Little M'aam Amanda, the son (and possible daughter in law) of Countess Christine of McNally and Tim'll Fix it ( and he does). I was very busy cellophaning the bundle of home themed goodies last night as well as preparing the next gift on the list which is for M'Lady Margaret's birthday. OMG I am busy, as a busy busy thing. But busy is good isn't it?

So what else has been happening in the world.

The young Australian team seem to be picking up speed as debutant Moises Henriques, hit an unbeaten 75 as Australia closed 40 runs ahead of India in the first Test. The tourists were not in a good place and looked as if they may lose by an innings. However the young Henriques pulled it back to bring them back into the competition. Good on you all and lets see you give ALL teams a run for their money this season!

Today also sees the inquest into the death of Tom Maynard last summer England bowler Jade Dernbach is expected to give evidence regarding the last hours of Toms life. Surrey's Gareth Batty said that it had been like a cloud hanging over, and that for a lot of people was final bit of closure. Thoughts are with all the family and friends today.

The England boys have been having a bit of 'down time' over in New Zealand and have Finn, Broad, Bairstow and Prior were all photographed doing a bungee style jump form the 'worlds' highest cliff 'Canyon Swing. My thoughts............well considering that 2 of them have been injured most of the winter i cannot believe that they did this, but hey they have to prove that they are good at something.


Well today is flipping freezing cold and there is some wind, but there is little chance of rain, which is good as that means that I will not end up with a wild orange afro by lunchtime.
I am risking wearing a skirt for work today as I am sick of boots and trousers however I may put the trousers in my bag as it is blinking brass monkey weather in super swanky Lady Lainey office until about 2pm!

And finally last night I had a long chat with super besty cricket coach in the whole world Harry Latchman. he had been out coaching a young man from Essex who he is tipping to be the next big thing. I will not mention any names but I am sure that over the season you will see his name appearing in this blog.
So Harry and the lovely Blossom are just back from UAE and settling into the cold of the UK. I  however am getting my map out so that I can get in the Lady Lainey Limo and go to visit them very soon. ( Oh dear I hope H doesn't mutter those immortal lines.........'You bring the diet coke and I will provide the rum' I feel the headache coming on already)
Have a super Tuesday

Monday, 25 February 2013

Back to the grind

I really can't wait for the cricket season, but really what I can't wait for is longer days. Although it is lighter in the mornings here and I drive home in day light, I can't wait for longer light filled days ( notice that I do not mention sunshine......well this is England!). The clocks go forward here in just over a month and  although I will lose one hour of my sleep, it will have a dramamtic effect on my life. I will be uip with the chirping birdies and have housework done BEFORE I go to super swanky Lady Lainey office.I cannot wait!

So what has been happening in the sports arena ( not a lot) whilst I, Lady Lainey have been catching up on my beauty sleep.

Well David Beckham finally came off the bench in the 76th minute to play for the first time for Paris St German. They were playing Marseilles.  he apparently played his part in  Ibrahimovic's goal which could prove crucial in their title bid. But again one man does not make a team.

Over in cricket Ashley Giles handed the team back over to Andy Flowers saying that the two man system had got off to a flying start. Giles and Flowers were'job sharing' and it look as if it may have had an effect on the team. Lets see what happen in the test which starts on Wednesday.

South Africa are powering back and beat Pakistan by an innings and 18 runs to take the series.This made a clean sweep and the team look to be pulling together . Well done those boys.

Away from the sports, it was the night of the Oscars and  Anne Hathaway won for her role in Les Miserable for best supporting actress.

Daniel Day- Lewis won best actor. He is the only man to win 3 best actor oscars. What an amazing man and not one who churns out film after film. He appears to be selective about his roles and it obviously pays off.

Michelle Obama presented an award! Why?

And Sky fall won Oscars. However for me it is not one of the best Bond films and Daniel Craig is not James Bond.#nopersonality #myopiniononly.

So today I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, yes back to the grind. Off to the office  to shout at teh boys and look pretty! and  then this evening Mr Funky the chauffeur and I are going out walking and running. Well he has to lose some weight and I thought I would put him through his paces. I am not sure which of us is actually the fittest so the next couple of weeks will probably be very telling.

Sorry that this is short. Decent crickety and sporty news in general is a little thin on the ground and I really don't watch rugby ( or understand it! Flipping enormous men crash into each other, pull each others ears and then run about with a strange shaped ball. Whats that all about then?)

I will  however return tomorrow when hopefully there will be lots of exciting news and updates to convey to you all.

have a super dooper day where ever you are.

Sunday, 24 February 2013

It's Snow Joke

Well the snow continued most of yesterday and Dame Didi and I thought we were going to need a pack of huskies to get us to Lady Laineyville. It was however not freezing cold so walking out in the snow was actually not too bad.  Today however it is not so good, more snow over night and it is flipping brass monkey weather , the sky is grey and 'heavy' and looks as if it about to deposit another dollop of snow of Tykes Towers.

Having just packed the flipping Hunters away I am a bit miffed that I am having to get them out again.  I was just debating going to get my legs waxed this week, but I think I they can keep their fur coat on for a bit longer! ( you think I jest?).

So what was happening in the World of Sport.


Leeds and Blackburn drew 0-0

Birmingham beat Peterborough 2-0, this has slightly strengthened their survival hopes. Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo was on the bench, YES ON THE BENCH!!!! after turning out for every match since September he was on the bench. However at least he didn't get a yellow card.

All the 'splodging' in the sea, candy floss, fish and chips down in Bournemouth did the trick as The Blades won 1-0 Jamie Murphy's first half goal sent The Blades back to the top of Division One and Bournemouth slipped down to 6th place.Dave Kitson looked as if he may have made it 2 but is was wide. Danny Wilson told Radio Sheffield that teams performance was excellent.

Woohooo I am super bouncy Bladeilicious Lady Lainey and to mark them being top of the pile today I am going to get my newspaper wearing my Sheffield United beanie hat! And Yes I will be wearing other clothes too. #toocoldtostreak

So today I am putting lots more Lady Lainey treasures on eBay. ( there are still some boxes in the garage to sort through!) and hopefully soon I will be able to see some space in Tykes Towers. Hopefully by summer! And then I can start to fill it up again!

So it is a short one today but I had a bit of a lie in and now am going out into the icy wastes of the North of Blighty to collect my newspaper!


Snow, snow and more snow.cold wind so suggest not wearing a skirt.

Bon Journee

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Nooooo!!! not the green ones again!!!

NO!!!! Not the Green ones again!!!

Woohooo hooo

I ain’t lyin’

I am super excited

‘Cos I’ll soon see Ryan!

Yes my super blog chums, it is now only a matter of weeks until the start of the cricket season here in Blighty and I , Lady Lainey am polishing my besty tiaras in anticipation.  

I woke up this morning (OBVIOUSLY or I wouldn’t be writing this!) and cricket was the first thing that came into my pretty little head. Yipdeflippingskip I am so excited as it is only eight weeks until I clap eyes (and camera lens) on His Royal Ryanness and Gillespie the Gallant. I am nearly faint with the thought of it. AND THEN I looked out of the window to a chuffing cover of snow! what the flipping heck is going on? I need to start to acquire a tan so that I am truly 'Ryan fit' in April. Well time to dust off the Hunters again
Its been a long old winter here in Lady Lainey land and getting longer by the minute!.

As the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers had started to burst into life with arrays of flowers ( all planted by her Serene Highness) , I was feeling so much better than I have in weeks and now that I can eat more than cornflakes, this morning has seen Snowdrops and Daffodils looking very dashed having had snow dumped on top of them.

Mr Funky the chauffeur had better get himself sorted too, as he told me that he has to ‘go to golf’ one cricket match day. There is no ‘has to’ about it. Golf is not for the cricket season it is for saddo’s who wear waterproof trousers and walk for miles brandishing a stick that they call a caber or something!!! And talk about ‘birdies and eagles and pigeons probably. I think this is some saddo’s code for not being able to hit the ball with the stick! So once he learns that you DO NOT contemplate playing golf when there is a cricket match on the better!

So over where the snow is not falling, in New Zealand the final ODI is taking place as we speak. NZ were out for 185. England have just won (8.00am UK time) by 5 wickets.) Root & Woakes not out on   29 & 3 respectively. England again sent out an unchanged side after winning the toss they put NZ in to bat. SO England win the one day series 2-1. And what now?. Gearing up for the test which starts on 5th March!

Also looks as if there may be change in the England coaching camp as Graham Thorpe is reported to be in talks with the powers that be over his role. he appears reluctant to continue in his role as limited overs coach. He has been carving out a great coaching career and so we will wait and see what the decision is. 

England Lions suffered another defeat.#notquitetheyoungbuckswethought

No news on the football and whether the weather has affected play. so with that I am off to wake up Dame Didi and then walk to  Lady Laineyville to do the shopping for the 'boys'.

Have a super (snowy) Saturday where ever you are!.

Friday, 22 February 2013

Yes its that day again! It's F(ryan)day

Well its F(ryan)day again and I have to only manage to look pretty for 7 hours and then it is the flipping weekend!!! And tonight I have  Dame Didi staying. She is taking the Dame Didi Daimler to 'Tim'll Fix it' and he will. She might also get 'loved to death' by the Royal Hounds.

But before all that happens, it is just Pony Paul and myself in super swanky Lady Lainey office ( well Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman is in his office but.........).

Bad news on the Steven Finn, no ball front. The MCC are bringing in changes to the 'No ball' rule which will take effect from October 1st. A no ball will now be called if the bowler breaks the stumps at the delivery side. This is a problem that has been dogging Finn. But at least he has until October to get it right.  I had noticed that the gentleman who last season was boasting on 'Twitter' about how he coached him, has been very quiet of late. Obviously Mr Spinks has realised that silence is golden.

I also noticed that 'nice boy' Nasser Hussain has been commenting on Ricky Ponting going to Surrey for the summer. He was saying how the County were making big changes with the new names. The best day in the life of Essex CCC was when the aforementioned man retired. If in doubt read 'No Boundaries' by Ronnie Irani.

The media still haven't let go of the Stokes/Cole trouble.And although I am talking about it again ( and will not mention it any more) I think that the 'boys' need to get back to their counties get into shape and think about their future as cricketers. END!

England are in action tomorrow in the third and final ODI. early start for some but I am staying in the land of nod.

Footy for tomorrow

The Blades are down at Bournemouth tomorrow so, lots of 'splodging' in the sea, candy floss, fish and chips and a win of course!!!!

The Mighty Whites are at Blackburn

Birmingham are at Peterborough.

Come all all you boys!!!

And spare a thought for Liverpool.............................OK lets not!! its only a game!!!

Bon Journee

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Come on Lady Lainey!

Ok so I went to Fat fighters last night and did not lose any weight, I did not however put any on, so I think that I am still on target to turn into a 'Glamazon' by the cricket season! However now I am reassessing what I eat  and am really going to 'knuckle' down. Mr Funky the Chauffeur has also been told to stay off the pies, cakes, fish and chips etc as he has to lose a spot of weight. Gosh he will be having a funny turn when he has to eat 'diet' food.

So all diety things aside lets see what is going on in the cricket world. England won over in NZ, and of course we all know that one man does not make a team, however I do think that one man did make a difference yesterday. That man was Joe Root who was 79 not  out in 56 balls. I am totally Tyketastically proud of him and know that he will play brilliantly this season. Alistair Cook did comment that he has the makings of a good player. I kinda think he is a good player or he wouldn't have been selected for the England squad!!!

Sorry state of affairs in the Lions camp as Matt Coles and Ben Stokes are sent  home. Having been given written warnings, they were eventually packed off home. They had ignored instructions regarding preparation and recovery and flouted drinking rules( thought it wouldn't be long before drink came into it). This comes after the team have lost all 5 matches whilst being in Australia My thoughts on this.  Stop the 'Lions' tours and concentrate on the main England team, also I have seen Stokes play over the past few years. I have watched his arrogance grow and to be honest this was an event waiting to happen!  Its not the first time that he has been involved in drink related problems ( seems to be a problem at Durham) and his career at a higher level seems to be in jeopardy. The lack of professionalism by both players lets England down, however when these two were dreaming of being England cricketers, inspiration came from  Andrew Flintoff  who was off on his pedalo, and peeing in the garden at 10 Downing Street,so what can we expect!
 No replacements have been named for them as of yet. I hope that they both learn from this.

News that Anthony McGrath is retiring from Yorkshire because of a thumb injury is really sad. As I reported yesterday his retirement is a huge blow for Tykes fans. he has been a loyal servant to the club for over 20 years.The Bradford born player will be missed by the crowds.

Much bigger news is that Surrey have really pulled the rabbit out of the hat, they have signed Ricky Ponting to play for them this summer. He joins Greame Smith as overseas players and I for one hope that they give KP a good old run for his money, Super exciting news.

I am keeping this short as I am running out of time before I have to scoot off to super swanky Lady Lainey office and I still haven't attempted to put a comb through my birdsnest   hair. So I am off

But as Arnie would say

'I'll be back

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Retirement news.......but not Her Ladyship

Sad news hit me at 9.30am yesterday morning that Anthony McGrath was retiring with immediate effect from all types of cricket. He is a super 'Tyke' and will be missed by the supporters. I. Lady Lainey wish him well in what ever he does now. And I want reiterate that I DO NOT to see the word retirement bandied around in conjunction with his Royal Rynanness!

However I think that Anthony's  career was summed up by this statement.

He has given every ounce of blood, sweat and tears to the county and his role within the dressing room will be sadly missed
Martyn MoxonYorkshire director of cricket

Also super big besty wishes to Lou Vincent who last summer drove around the UK in a battlescarred camper van raising funds as he was doing his rounds, has decided to retire. Once again I, Lady Lainey send best wishes  out to Lou  and I hope that if he decides to drive around the UK this summer he will stop in at Tykes Towers for tea. #alwayswelcome.

More cricket news in New Zealand England are chasing 269 and are currently 79-0 (6.33am UK time). Ross Taylor hit 100 for NZ and Brendon McCullum hit 74 off 36 balls. England have put out an unchanged side. Their target is 270 and it is hard to say what will happen in Napier. Only to say that England have to win this match to hope of a chance of the series.

Scotland are off to UAE, ( has to be better than here) and have called up Veteran Neil Carter who will be capped for the first time. Their match against is against Afganistan. Dave Murphy Rob Taylor, Matt Machan and Ian Wardlaw ( Tyke!) also make their debut for the team. There is a lot going on over in Shajah between now and 15th March so stay posted for results and views!

News from Northamptonshire is that they have signed Australian bowler Trent Copeland, he will arrive before the game on 10th of April and will be with the club until June. Copeland come to the teams from New South Wales and with top credentials. This tops the team up for the season as they had already secured Cameron White for the T20 series.

So with all the crickety news out of the way, how the flipping heck is Lady Lainey's day going to pan out. Well today is...
Drive to super swanky Lady Lainey office.
Drink first of many cups of coffee
Shout at boys
Look pretty
Shout at boys
Get in limo drive to......


A Bientot!

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

So I must be starting to feel better

So I must be starting to feel better as I got up and made myself oat bran pancakes this morning and it is only 6.40am UK time now!.It is however very cold and frosty and very dark!! What the Donald Duck is going on?

I was chatting on Twitter to Pauly Paul super friendy of Mr Funky the Chauffeur and myself and he was saying that he too is going back to Durham this year! So it looks like we will all be travelling together and having cucumber sandwiches and lashings of lemonade!

There looks to have been some derisory comments regarding The Woman's World Cup ( probably from a man!) and  Dave Richardson the Cricket Chief tried to answer these. Apparently fixtures, sponsorship, scheduling had all been a problem in India. He said that the commitment to woman's cricket had increased since 2009. Budgets are bigger and more media coverage is taking place. However when they got to India the programme of matches was not confirmed until 6 days before the start. The amount of travelling too was not acceptable.
Hopefully this will all be sorted before the next World Cup.

James Anderson is being boosted for bigger and better records this season after over taking 'Sirloin' of Beef in the wicket stakes.Hopefully he will be fully fit to do this.

I know that some readers will think that I am very hard on the England team and especially on some players ( and more biased towards Tyke players), however I do feel that the players should concentrate on playing and not giving interviews  where their outlandish sized ego's take over. Let the Captains talk for the team and let the rest get out in the nets where they should be.

Good news on the Tykes front  Tim Bresnan has had his operation on his elbow and is getting ready to be match fit and also fit to fight for an Ashes place. Chris Woakes has his eye on Bresnans 'spot' so lets see Tim fully fit and considered by the selectors. And also Get Well Soon Tim if you should happen to be reading this!.

So what else has been going on in the life of I, Lady Lainey, well I went to see the Royal Hounds last night, all of them. Benji was full of himself and I managed to (just) get away without being 'kissed' I was however loved to death by a slimmed down Leo, who had been put on a diet in the New Year and had to lose 10 kilo!!!!!!!!!! Now that was a bit of a dumpy Doberman!. Now however he is super slim and just as mad.

Today is the birthday of Nicolaus Copernicus he was born in 1473. (Astronomer who made  the heliocentric model which placed the sun as the centre of the universe)
I remember him so well from Mr Richardson's history lessons as he used to call him 'copper knickers'!

Have a great day where ever you are and hope that it is warmer than  here in Blighty

Monday, 18 February 2013

Monday Morning Blues

Holy flipping mackerel, after the most glorious weekend in living memory ( OK very slight exaggeration there, but best weekend in a while), I have woken up this morning to the flipping freezing weather again and there is also frost on the grass. A Lady can only take so much of freezing extremities and running noses. I want to be basking in  some sunshine ( a bit like yesterday would do, even though I still had to have my thermal vest on).

So back to the main event , the ODI in New Zealand , well what can I say. England were defeated and how!!!!! The amazing Martin Gupthill played brilliantly, the man who had 3 toes amputated aged 14, played through a hamstring injury to score 27no.( England boys take note, bruised heel, headche, fractured eyelash, doesn't cut it) Williamson and McCullum bringing up the top scores. What now for England who seamed to be very full of themselves prior to the match? Cook says they need more practise!
I Lady Lainey for once will not be commenting ........................just yet
Joe Root was given an England increment contract prior to the game.

Lots of news flying around about the ECB being asked to lighten up on players wanting to play in IPL and then come back to join their counties late. NO NO NO, if they want to play in the IPL let them get the money and then spend the remainder of the English season  sorting out their priorities. Money is the root of all evil!

Australia ladies won the Woman's world cup so jolly well done to them.

Back in Blighty, sadly The Mighty Whites got knocked out of the FA cup by Man City. Hard game boys but well done.

On this day

18th February

1587 Mary Queen of Scots beheaded

1933 Yoko Ono born

1966 Philip De Freitas born

1968 Britain adopts all year round day light saving

Jolly short this morning but I am in a bit of a hurry and have to get on.

More tomorrow


Sunday, 17 February 2013

Lady Lainey Chills out

Its Sunday and its 7.41am UK time, the Coq au Vin is in the slow cooker and I am about to venture forth to the local settlement of Sir Neville Parade to collect my newspaper. Then I am going to lounge around Tykes Towers and do very little indeed! I am hoping that when the chicken is ready I will feel like eating some of it, but if not there are always cornflakes! #wanttogetbacktoeatingnormally.

'So' I hear you asking what the pollywollydoodle has been going on in the sports world

Well my pretties I have super fab news from Bramall Lane

The Blades beat Colchester 3-0, Barry Robson scored his first goal for the Blades however it came after he was fouled! No more goals came until well into the second half when Kevin McDonald scored in the 73rd minute, before Kitson put away the third. It looks to have been a rough game a there were yellow cards for both sides. " for The Blades and 3 for Colchester. #playfairorplaylikeRtHonHooliganRobbo

And talking about Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo, he had an outing down the M40 and over to Watford his former team. Obviously this  was not a great day, he got a yellow card!!! and Birmingham lost 4-0!! They were described as giving a lacklustre performance ( the scores says it was more that lacklustre). They are a depleted and injury prone side and for flips sake Hooligan was only meant to be there on a months loan in September, and its now February. However  must pull there socks up and move onto their next game with a new plan. ( I think that I have missed my vocation I should have been a motivational speaker!!...........NOT)

So over in New Zealand the first ODI is under way, it started at 1.00am UK time but I Lady Lady was having my zzzzzz's then and no way was I getting up to listen to the commentators 'fawn' over Bell or listening to Boycott droning on about 'When 'r were a lad!'. So here is the low down. England made the sensible choice and put Joe Root in the team. Trott was the highest scoring on 68, with Bell coming in at 64 and Joe at 56.England were all out for 258. New Zealand are currently  153 for 4. It could go any way.

Also on the cricket front Former besty home county of Durham posted their 2ndXI fixtures late last week and pleased to see that they are using cricket clubs in Yorkshire/Cleveland for some of their matches!!!!! Because there are no other cricket clubs in Co Durham apart from Hartlepool ( they hang monkeys you know!) , Brandon and Darlington!!!! Oh lord I can feel a huge rant coming on!!! sooooo  deep breath.........Coincidence that the 'Yorkside clubs are close to where Geoff Cook is from. However pleased to see that they have not included other grounds in Yorkshire this year, Stokesley ( birthplace of I Lady Lainey) and Marton. They are playing at Darlington which means that I can have a wander down in my lunch hour and also after a hard day of looking pretty.

Countess Christine of McNally is popping round this morning and she delivered the sad news that the 2 royal hounds Bella and Benji ( the french kissing border collie) will be moving into a house with Little Lord Jonny as he flies the nest ( for the 2nd and last time she blinking well hopes). 'Will you miss him' I asked her ' Oh god yes' she replied ' And I will miss Bella too'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Woohoo vancances est booked!!

So the flights are booked for me to go on my jollies to Chateau Didi Deux, Pink Hippo is already sorting out his wardrobe ready for the trip, however there is still the cricket season to get through before this happens.

So lets see what has been happening around  the sporting arenas.

So England won the final T20 match to take the series, Broad took 3 wickets ( that's him finished them!). New Zealand made 139 in 20 overs which  left England to show what they are really made of. And (surprisingly) they did. Lumb and Hale making 143 to win the match. Excellent batting from this pair. Broad went on to make a statement about being  a great match..........................................whoops feel asleep for a moment there. He needs to come up with some new states apart from the  'pretty special match' and ' we should have elected to bat'. Oh well he has more to write in the second volume of his autobiography that will be available in your local 'Poundland' at Christmas.

South Africa have been taking a bit of a battering over in Cape Town, They were defeated by Pakistan. There 'mystery' spinner Saeed Ajmal ripped through the world top ranked side.Dispute also over Kallis and being given out and then refused to walk! This decision could lead to trouble for the cricketer. And in my view 'when you is out, you is out!' .

The rumour mill in F1 is that more than half the teams are in financial crisis and are in 'survival mode'. according to Martin Whitmarsh. Apparently new backers are thin on the ground. Spanish team HRT closed it's doors at the end of last season and it is believed that other teams could go the same way over the next couple of years.
Drivers will be dropped in favour of those drivers who can bring in sponsorship.
Lets see how this pans out.

So sorry that this is short of 'stuff' but I am off to do the shopping for 'the boys' in Lady Laineyville and then doing a spot of 'Domestic Goddessing'

catch you all tomorrow

Friday, 15 February 2013

Freezing F(ryan)day here!

Well its hard to believe that it is F(ryan)day again!!!! The weekend is nearly upon us and I for one am super jolly happy about that, it means that I can do nothing for  two days! Lie around in bed and read my book. I am not even bothering about venturing out into the metropolis of Lady laineyville!

Today I will join the queues and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office where I will be looking pretty for 7 hours until the time comes for me to race off home and don my PJ's and chill out on the sofa watching rubbish TV.

'ENOUGH' I hear you all shouting, 'Whats happening in New Zealand?'

Well England won the toss and once again put NZ in to bat ( what did Stuart Broad say the other day). Joe Root is in for  Samit Patel whereas NZ are playing with an unchanged side. Score is currently (6.18am UK time)  NZ 17 without loss.

So after the Matt Prior spouting off about bullying the Australians yesterday, I was a little cross so I put quill to paper ( well typed an email) to the ECB. There response? They do not think that anything is wrong with using the word bullying, it is the 'in' word of the moment.Sadly I think this is a reflection of the state of the world. It is fine for a sportsman in the public eye to announce that we ( England, and hey don't include me in that!) are a bunch of over paid, thick headed bully boys. #whatistheworldcomingtoo

Steven Finn is preparing to change his run up in an attempt to bring in the wickets and stop his habit of knocking bails off at the non strikers end! #throwslikemygranny!

Max Chilton the new boy on the F1 circuit has been  talking about the possible difficulties this coming season for Marussia, due to them having a very rookie team.Brave to come out and say it, and hope that it is a start of a great career for him.
Meanwhile Mikka Hakkinen has spoken very publicly about the fact that he does not think that Lewis Hamilton will win the F1 title. This was after seeing the new Mercedes in pre training in Jerez #probablytoomuchsherry

News in from France is that Nicolas Sarkozy is looking to run for French president again in 2017. Don't think Carla will be too happy, as she has managed to keep herself and their daughter out of the public gaze which is what she wanted.

So that was the round up of the news that is truly important in the life of Lady Lainey except that I hope that Dame Didi managed to book our flights home, and I managed to eat my cornflakes, keep them down and thoroughly enjoyed having real sugar on them.

So with that I am off to shout at the boys, see if I can face a cup of coffee and get through 7hours of looking pretty.

have a super day where ever you are

Thursday, 14 February 2013

St Valentines Day, England's dismay

Happy Valentines day to you all, I am up and dressed and awaiting Sir Sean of Bean knocking on my door with a huge giant massive bouquet of white flowers, I know he will be here very soon so I had better get to typing pretty darn quick smart!.

I made it to 'Fat Fighter' last night regardless of the fact that 2.5in of snow fell in  less than an hour and my 8 mile drive took me  1 hr 40 minutes and was made more scary by several lorries fishtailing, one coming towards the Lady Lainey Limo!!!. Holy mackerel, I just closed my eyes!!!However I lost another 3 pound which makes a huge weight loss in two weeks due to being ill and not a true representation of what I have eaten ( more, what has made an encore). So I am trying to get myself back to normal eating and not feeling so exhausted all the time.

In the woman's  cricket world cup, England are out!. The defending champions have been knocked out by West Indies beating Australia, meaning England couldn't qualify. Charlotte Edwards has said she is 'heartbroken', I Lady Lainey tend to think that this is the wrong word to use to describe the exit from the series. She went on to say that inconsistency cost them dearly. Something that us fans are becoming so very used to methinks.

I also feel that Matt Prior going on record as saying the England should go into the Ashes as 'the bullies' is again the wrong word to use. When all sports are trying to help stamp out bullying, I feel that this word should never have been used. Maybe Prior is talking about the reported past goings on in the England dressing room. Bullying never makes anyone 'bigger' or 'better' it is usually one person with severe insecurities, transferring them onto another person with insecurities Think about what you said Prior, not a good example to children!.

On this day

14th Feb

270 St Valentine died

1931 Bradman scores 152 against the WI in 154 mins

2003 Dolly the sheep died

2010 Dick Francis former jockey and author died

So today as I set off to Super Swanky Lady Lainey office with my Valentines mug, I wish you all a very happy day and hope you get lots of love  xxx

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

The great chocolate challenge

So here in Tykes Towers it is the start of my Lent challenge. Can I make it 40 days without chocolate. I say now that I can, however by 10am this morning it could be a different matter and that is only day 1!!!!
I don't have any prize at the end, I just want to see if I have the willpower to do it. To be continued.............

So in the crazy world of cricket, New Zealand levelled the series with England when they wrapped up a win by 55 runs. England were scrappy in the field and as one reporter put it 'Their batting was as flat as Pancake Day' (Shrove Tuesday). The England scores were abysmal and the Captain was lucky not to be out for a duck, which did affect two other players. Top England scorer was Jos Buttler.
Stuart Broad went on to say that he rued the decision to put New Zealand in to bat first. Well hindsight is a wonderful thing and I am sure we all have things that we wished we hadn't done. HOWEVER, the decision was made and the match was lost. Move on, look at the team make modifications and stop making excuses for poor show all round.

Some of the Yorkshire boys are off to Sri Lanka next week on a pre season training camp.  Hopefully this will improve our chances of being Top this season!! No pressure boys!

Venturing way off the boundary now,the horse meat saga is kept alive by the media here in the UK. Considering that about 99.9% of the UK population appear to have been eating horse meat in ready meals and now takeaway burgers for possibly 10 year, no one seems to have suffered any ill effects. However the media are now seizing on other factors to spin the situation out longer. My theory is that in a critical economic climate, with food, petrol, energy prices spiralling out of control, without any intervention from the Government. This is one way to get people to pay more for food from the 'Food Giants'. As most newspapers are carrying full page ads promoting '100% Beef Products available at ...' they are making a killing on their advertising too. Win/win situation. Whilst most households in the UK wonder what will be next to 'hike' up their constantly growing bills. #tooexpensivetolive

So what the flipping heck are the plans for I, Lady Lainey today............well

2. Make the 'boys' life hell as not having chocolate
3. Look pretty for 7 hours in the office whilst thinking of chocolate
4. Come home and go to bed early and dream of chocolate

Oh dear I do not see the next 40 days going well at all!!!!

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Lady Lainey looks ahead

I have decided to look ahead to the cricket season and make some predictions as to how the early matches of the season go.

Now that Besty home county of Yorkshire are back up where they are supposed to be, there is nothing left for them but to take the County Title!! Haha that really would be a blinking marvellous.I foresee a win against Durham at the early part of the season and also that they will do jolly well in the T20 series.

I am also looking forward to the 'Derby' match at the end of April, I will be in my usual position, waving my Durham membership and cheering like a mad thing for Yorkshire.( and probably being escorted out by the over zealous stewards)

We also have the Ashes to look forward too although this season Mr Funky and I are not going to see any tour matches at The Riverside. We decided that we didn't want to put any more money into the Durham coffers ( and a bottle of wine from Austins during a tour march is super flipping spendy!! I could get a new tiara for the same amount).

As for  how the rest of the early part of the season will go...................well I foresee Mr Funky having to aid Lady Lainey to the big blue tank thing a couple of times after partaking in a couple of cooking sherries. However the main event takes place at the end of May when Mr Funky the chauffeur reaches the ripe old age of 50. Can you believe that he is going to be 50?. There will be lots of cake and jelly and sausage rolls and 'seaside' sandwiches ( a speciality of Lady Lainey). he will also have to wear a party hat whilst I wear a more sedate tiara. OMG I am super excited already and will have to start making a flipping list of all the things that we will have. There will of course be party bags and I must start looking for super things to put in them.

I am hoping that his Royal Ryanness remains fit for the season and also that Gillespie the Gallant whips those Tykes into super shape.

As for former besty home team in the south Hampshire. I think that they will do pretty well but we will have no beating of Yorkshire this season or I will be in the Lady Lainey limo down to Southampton to give the boys a piece of my mind.#liketheycare

Over in New Zealand now, England have fielded an unchanged side despite Morgan under going a late fitness test! No sign of Joe Root who was apparently on 'standby'. New Zealand are currently 70-0.
And looks as if Top Tyke Jonny Bairstow has a fight on his 'gloves' over who will keep wicket with Jos Buttler currently ahead!

And finally The Pope has resigned! He is the first Pope in 600 years to 'quit' his job. As the Cardinals were still reeling from this news a lightening bolt hit St Peters. Now what was all that about????????

Monday, 11 February 2013

Who stole the weekend?

What I did yesterday

I am totally flabbergasted, I cannot believe that it is Monday! Again! and worse than that I have to go Super swanky Lady Lainey office. Now complete with banging headache again!. However I am going back to see the 'daktari' (Swahili for Doctor. I am multi flipping lingual) so hopefully blood test etc may shed some light on the mystery illness which has blighted my life for the last week.

On a lighter note, Lady laineyville has no snow, when reports are flooding in of huge amounts all over the country, most especially in the South. ( Looks like a day off for everyone down there!). Here in the North East of Blighty it is flipping freezing, and wet. The birds are in full voice and the sun is starting to come up.

The picture shows the results of me being super industrious yesterday and pickling chilis, as well as making lime pickle. They are all put away to 'mature' now and will be getting eaten in the near future.

In the Woman's world cup Australia are already into the final,with England keeping there hopes of  a World Cup victory alive with a win over South Africa.

The men are getting ready for another  T20 match tomorrow in New Zealand. They are playing at Seddon Park which is a smaller international venue. Luke Wright is hoping to get his chance to thump a few sixes around this ground too.

Here in Blighy we are 54 days away from the start of the season and for I Lady Lainey it is only 10 weeks until I get to see Besty home county of Yorkshire take on the former besty county of Durham. I am so super excited about this that I have taken 2 days off work to go and watch. Woooohoooo. And I predict that Ryan will be unable to play! Booohooo.

If you have a spare 2.6 million 'squid' you can purchase the remote Scottish Island of Tanera Mor which is  supposed to be the inspiration behind the film ' The Wicker Man' ( staring Lady Lainey's top actor ever Christopher Lee). There has been no luck trying to get people to move there and the two current owners have decided to sell it. It looks stunning but I bet its flipping freezing now!

And finally a tiny house in Bridgwater in Somerset has gone on the market for £75,000. It was made by converting a garage and has a courtyard to the rear of the property, it  is really a 'one up one down' however it looks bigger than some of the 2 bedroom flats I used to manage when I lived in the South of Blighty!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I am off to the doctors and then onto Lady Lainey office so I hope that my headache goes away and that you all have a good day.

Sunday, 10 February 2013

The 'Glamazon' re-emerges

Well after a week of feeling totally 'pants' and not being able to really get on with anything, this morning, I woke up and actually did not have a headache, feel hot/cold, feel sick and ached all over. So fingers crossed I am finally returning to my 'glamazonian' self. I can flipping well tell you, I, Lady Lainey am jolly well sick of feeling like the poo ( technical medical term!).

So what has been happening around the sporting arena's.

Well over in the footy

Birmingham drew 1-1 with Charlton

The Mighty Whites drew 2-2 with Wolves

AND The Blades won 2-1 against Shrewsbury. Well done boys totally proud of you Michael Doyle and  Dave Kitson scored excellent goals and promotion is still a light at the end of the tunnel for the boys. So onwards for the final push!.

In Cricket England woman are doing OK against SA, not going to dwell on this as they were geared up to beat Australia the other day and lost by 2 runs.

James Anderson has pledged his  future to the one day side until 2015#hopeful

Monty Panesar has been putting more spin on his image, maybe concentrate on the bowling.

Stuart Broad has been saying that the performance of the team in New Zealand has been the best of his captaincy. Well make the most of it, you may not be captain much longer.#captaincrock

Very sad news for former top Formula 1 racing driver David Coulthard. Very sadly it has been reported that  his sister has died. David appeared yesterday morning on 'Saturday Kitchen' with James Martin, and was reported to have been told of her death after filming finished. Our thoughts are with the Coulthard family, so very sad.

Well even though I am feeling a bit better I am going to take it easy today with some (very) light household duties and lots of newspaper reading.

Bon journee

Saturday, 9 February 2013

It'sshowdown Saturday

Well what have I to do today?, the first is  to consider deleting my Facebook account. I am sick of 'friends' airing their 'dirty laundry' on a public forum. Also sick of 'friends' making barbed comments about ex husbands, son, friends etc on there too. Really if you feel like,that just tell them but obviously they don't have the guts to and so put it on FB and then wait for all their other friends to  'sympathise' or agree or just encourage them. So that's my Saturday rant over with and I am still considering what to do.

And so it is Saturday and true to form I am walking to Lady Laineyville to get the shopping for the 'boys' ( they have no idea how flipping lucky they are, have a mooch around. By the time I get back I will be ready for my nap!.

Actually by the time I get back the dishwasher will have done its cycle and the washing machine too, and I will still have the cooker to clean, OMG, I am a Lady, why the dickens am I doing this all myself.I need 'staff', I need 'flunkies' I need 'serfs'. I need to get into the real world!!!

And talking about the 'real world' Stuart Broad has said that his heel injury could last him his whole career!!!! So he thinks that carrying an injury makes home 'fit' to play in the England team?. Now I need to say that I do not dislike this young man, and can honestly say that having seen him play on numerous occasions I think that he is a talented cricketer, however making statements like yesterdays and 'expecting' a place is the team is wrong. Step down and allow a fit player to have a chance to shine!

Current scores over in NZ are England  214-7 NZ currently 76-2( 8.22am UK time)

Super Tyke Tim Bresnan is reported to be having surgery on his elbow which he hopes will get him fitter and boost his chance of a place on the Ashes Team. My views.............well the team is already selected and starting with Cook, Pieterson, Broad and they will keep 'crock' Chris Tremlett in the sidelines......need I on ?

We are expecting more snow here in the icy wastes of the North this weekend, I have already told Job the Jolly that if it arrives on Monday morning, there is no way that I am racing into super swanky Lady Lainey office. As he lives in a village out in the waste land of North Durham it would be touch and go whether he got in too.

So whilst I can see grass and pavements, I am wandering down to Lady Laineyville.

Have a great day where ever you are

Friday, 8 February 2013


Holly flipping mackeral, I never thought that it would be F(ryan)day, its been a long old week, and not content with the longest week on record, my flipping pedometer, with which I have been counting all the blinking trip trappy steps I am taking in my current weight loss campaign has gone AWOL!! I cannot find it anywhere and I am totally blasted well cross!!

So here is how today will probably pan out,

Finish my blog
Drive Lady Lainey limo to Lady Laineyworkville
Walk 10 mins to the office as all spaces taken in (tiny) car park
Spend 10 mins looking for my office keys in the depths of Lady Lainey handbag/suitcase
Shout at the 'boys for not letting me in and not making my coffee
Look pretty for 3.5 hours ( occasionally shouting at the 'boys)
Trip trap around the shops in lunch hour
Look pretty for 3.5 hours occasionally shouting at the 'boys' and demanding copious  amounts of coffee to see me through until......
Drive home to Tykes Tower in Lady Lainey Limo
Eat dinner
Fall asleep on sofa
Wake up with newspaper stuck to my face
Go to bed
Wake up with super heavy tome that I am reading, on my face
Put out light
Lie awake for an hour

But before all of that happens lets see what has been happening in the crazy world of cricket.
Warwickshire announced losses of £668,000, this is a big change from 2011 when the club recorded profits. I bet Durham will never be in the red, seeing as they take your eyes out on membership fees, charge ridiculous prices for bottles of wine. The other side of that is though, they have to do this to pay all the flipping hangers on in the club. Clear out the deadwood!!!

The ladies are not doing too badly at the moment in the World Cup currently 6.20am UK time they need one more wicket to bowl out Australia in their first Super Six round..

Alec Stewart wrote an interesting piece on the BBC website about the IPL and huge sums of money that are being bandied about for players. He does mention the fact that some England players are not able to play the full IPL tournament due to commitments at home. Well you make a choice to you want to earn mega bucks in India or do you want to play for your county in UK.Having your cake and eating it is not always possible and to be honest by the time it gets to the cricket season here these players are either injured, about to be injured, or just too flipping worn out to perform..................................unless they are called up for England. KERCHING!!!

So over in the footy world tomorrow sees

Birmingham away to Charlton

 The Mighty Whites away to Wolves

The Blades  are away to Shrewsbury

Good luck to all the teams tomorrow.

Now I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office

Thursday, 7 February 2013

Weightloss woes and long way to go!

It's Chicken, yes really!!!! 

Well I went to fat fighters last night but the flipping fab weight loss I recorded was not a true weight loss but due to me regurgitating every mouthful of food over the last 4 days. And yes I know that is way too much information but its true!. So now I have to try to lose the weight properly and hopefully stay the same next week, not gain any. It is the wedding at the end of April and I need to be size 0 by then. ( OK that is a fib as I have no desire to be a size 0)

Once back home I decided that I would just go to bed as I was exhausted after a long day in Lady Lainey office.Its going to be a long hard couple of days until the flipping weekend.

So what has been happening else where, well after we had a brief smattering of snow on Tuesday The Blades had their match called off. The snow thankfully did not last but I can tell you that the windchill factor here is -6 most mornings and hardly getting any warmer as the day goes on.

The horse meat  saga trots on here in UK as it now appears to be in ready meals. Why not just bring out a range of horse meat  lasagne, bolognaise, cannelloni etc and do away with the fuss. Those reading in the UK, before you all jump on the PC wagon. Horse meat is eaten happily in other countries and no one bats an eyelid. Why is no one complaining that sausages and 'meat pies' in the UK do not contain 100% meat but rusk, oats and whatever else is at hand to throw in the mix!!

So back to it, in cricket. England were defeated by New Zealand in their final T20 warm up game. Broads fightback was in vain and I now await the news that he is 'crocked' for the rest of the tour. #mythoughtsonly

Well talk about cricket pros***utes. Ravi Bopara was not 'snapped up' in the IPL auction and presently playing in Bangladesh Premier League, has signed to play in South Africa. Money is a great incentive. lets see how fit he is for his  English club this  coming season.

After the rumours that Ottis Gibson, former super bowler of former besty home team of Durham, was going for the position made available by Ashley Giles. it has been announced that he has signed a three year contract to remain as Head Coach of The West Indies. Good choice by them!!!.

I am now off to the office to see what mischief the boys are going to get up to today!!!

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Lady Lainey floored again!

Just when I thought it was safe to leave the 'Little ladies room' yep I am floored by the horrid lurgy again!. Yesterday I was not at all well and although the Duke of Adelaide was trying to gee me up with some cheeky remarks about skiiving work, I was too poorly to properly retort. So Dukey dear, I am back to fighting form now ( and boy what a form it is!).

And not only was I floored by the lurgy, I was also floored by Stuart Broads hat trick which helped to seal England's victory  in the T20 against New Zealand. England romped home to a 46 run win. HOWEVER I am not eating humble pie yet ( actually I am finding it hard to eat anything at the moment which is jolly flipping unusual for me). One match does not a series make. I said two matches before he was crocked!

However Michael Vaughn has gone down in my estimations ( not that he was that high anyway Tyke or no Tyke) by saying that now KP on back on side we will have double  Ashes glory. AARRGGHHHHHH One man does not make a team!!! KP only plays for himself and his own glory. OK rant over I am still trying to recuperate from serious blinking illness here and then they go and set me off............

Andrew Strauss has also been made an Honorary Life Member of the MCC now that I do approve of!

Jumping on the back (ish) of the IPL is the PSL ( Pakistan Super League) of which Phil Mustard of Durham states, he wants to play there even though The international Players Union have said that the security there is unmanageable.
Players are being offered £63.000 for two weeks and Mustard stated that he was believes the rewards outweigh the risks. He believes in those two weeks he can make a name for himself. Hell yes!!!! and a ton of money to boot. That's a lot of Gregg's sausage rolls

If any of you read the comment that followed yesterdays post and wondered who DARED to be so cheeky about I, Lady Lainey. I will tell, it was Dame Didi and she thought that she was remaining anonymous! Not a flipping chance old girl!.You is well and truly outed!!

And finally, I love HP sauce with Guinness ( no not putting into a pint!), I love the HP sauce with Guinness added, it is the best thing in the whole world and super on sausages, if I could only face some sausages!!!

Off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, only running on one cylinder today and woo betide the 'boys' if they get me in a tizzy!

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Cricket Season Ahoy!!!!

Well it is now less than 61 days until the start of the cricket season here in Blighty and I am so super bouncy excited I can hardly contain myself. In fact I have already flipped my tiara twice this morning!. I am hoping that in 61 days my orange curls will have recovered from 'Sweeney Todd of Coniscliffe Road' and that I will be my usual chi-chi Lady Lainey.

The only thing that worries me about this season is that His Royal Ryanness suffers injuries like last season and that he decides to .............(big gulp!).....................RETIRE!!!! :'-(. OK I have said it and I am dreading those words ever being  mentioned. However that is all in the future. I foresee a super great Tyke season for His Royal Ryanness and Gillespie the Gallant and look forward to seeing much of it.

I walked ( YES WALKED!) round to Mr Funky the Chauffeurs house last house, as I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks and when he had suggested going  out shopping at the weekend I had to decline as I was too poorly. And as the Duke of Adelaide said ' you know a lady is really ill when she can't go shopping!.
 I know that Mr Funky wanted to go to 'BORING' outdoor type shops, the kind that I, Lady Lainey would not be found dead in. I have no need for a waterproof trousers or a compass. I am able to negotiate my way around Harrods and Harvey Nicks perfectly well and without spillages ( OK maybe not in HN Fifth Floor/ Fourth floor depending on the city).

And talking about Mr Funky he is hopefully getting the big blue tank thing ( yes I knows about cars too!!) ready to hold its very precious load ( that would be I, Lady Lainey), and all spic and span ready for the start of  the cricket season. Hopefully cleaning out all the remnants of his long walks ( that would be golf!), hill walking ( that would be mountain climbing)  and all the other unsavoury things that he does when there is no cricket to watch!!!!

My other thoughts on the upcoming season are that having signed up for 5 years as a Durham member it may be that emigrating is the only way out. Look  out La Belle France here I come! Actually I am looking forward to seeing what kind of shambles former besty home county of Durham are in when we return to The Riverside ( Durham Emirates IDIOT or something like that).
Also I am hoping that the former'would like to be Lord Lainey' keeps a big fat ginger distance from moi or I may be called on to use some very unlady like language ( like go away you over inflated space hopper). Not something I do on a regular basis but best to let them know where they stand from the off.

Over in New Zealand I see that my predictions from last week and yesterday regarding Mr S Broad may appear to be coming true, he is apparently suffering from a lacerated fat pad in his heel.He is 'confident that he will be fit' but  once again I ask, why was he allowed to fly out to New Zealand if he wasn't fit in the first place.? I do feel that it is time that I our quill to paper and let the appropriate authorities hear my thoughts. #wontdoanygood!

James Harris has been brought in for the T20's to replace Stuart Meaker who has hardly poked his head out of the dressing room and already has a neck strain. #england=bunchofcrocks. So what is my answer? Bring back Athers and Co :-).

 And finally yesterday they decided that the body in the car park was Richard III, poor bloke, had someone blocked his chariot in? did he have a flat wheel? did he die of boredom whist waiting for 'Ye Olde RAC?'. Sadly for him it was none of these but a flipping bang on the noggin!. poor old Dick, he was not a lucky man, however now hopefully he can RIP instead of NCP!!!!.

Monday, 4 February 2013

Lady Lainey down but not out!

Well it's Monday morning and to be honest I am not much feeling better  and the  thought of venturing to the freezing depths of super swanky Lady Lainey office are filling me with huge dread. I know it will be flipping freezing and I know that I should not really be going to work. However needs must and I am going.

So Andrew Flintoff ( someone up there with KP ) has decided to climb down from the boxing ring after one fight.He has decided to hang up his gloves, after injuring his shoulder in the fight and having to undergo surgery. He is apparently just got his arm out of the sling. This all smacks to me a little bit like his cricket career, which granted was slightly longer but injury prone!.

In IPL surprisingly Matt Prior and Ravi  Bopara have failed to attract bid in the auction for this years IPL league. Selectors take note in the crazy world of cricket in India, maybe they are sending out a message!.It looks as if the Australians and the South Africans were bringing in high prices . Former Hampshire and Australian all rounder Glenn Maxwell fetched $1 million  from Mumbai Indians, and then was out for a 'golden duck ' in the Australia match against West Indies!, however he did manage four wickets!.

England ladies kick started their world cup campaign by beating India. There is a bit of 'bad mouthing' going on over there and it looks as if it worked in the reverse for India. Well played England.

Michael Di Venuto  former player with former besty home county of Durham has been given the role of batting coach for Australia. He has been coaching  the Tasmanian Tigers but has now taken up the aforementioned role full time. Wish Durham had had the foresight to offer him a role at The Riverside.

Over in New Zealand Stuart Broad and Luke Wright are trying to prove their fitness, not looking good when the pictures show Broad with a bandage round his knee!. On top of this I once again ask the question, shouldn't their fitness have been OK'd BEFORE they were flown out there!!!! 'crockedsoon!

Dame Helen Mirren and I have something in common, 'WHAT' I hear you all cry, well neither of us has children and I personally am sick and fed up of being asked the question and then looked at strangely when I answer that I don't. Dame Helen however came up with the best answer as she told how it was usually 'boring old men' who asked this question of her. they usually answered back ' well you had better get on with it girl!'. The Dame said she used to retort ' No flipping go away' ( well it was a bit stronger than that), I am totally behind her on this one.

And with that I am going to flipping well go away and freeze my wotnots off.

Bon Journee.

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Slow down Sunday

Captain PH is in charge today! ( this pic was when he was on Concorde)

Ok I am feeling a little bit better today ( I doubt that I could have felt any worse) but I am still going to try to take it easy. Sometimes I think that I Lady Lainey run about , like a mad runny about thing far too much. So today it is a (slow) walk to get my newspaper and then Lord of the Rings trilogy on DVD for the rest of the day.

So the main thing that I forgot to tell you yesterday and that you probably all know now

The Blades lost on Friday night! Onward and upward boys I believe in you.

Yesterday important results were

Birmingham won and there were 2 yellow cards, luckily none from Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo

The Mighty Whites sadly suffered the same fate as The Blades, It was not a good weekend for my Tyke Teams.

Reports in today papers state that Eoin Morgan and Jonathan Trott  could be fighting for their places in the ODI series in New Zealand, with super Tyke Joe Root looking to have pre booked his place, with his excellent batting in India. Now I  sort of think that the cricketers should be fighting for a place in the teams and not think that because they have been in it before they have a god given right to a place. Maybe this is the problem with English cricket. There is no fight in the team. Make them work for their places!! And so endeth the Sunday cricket rant.

Right off to the shops to get the paper, read the 'scraggy haired, bat eared' ones column, see is she is still adamant that she is 'going out' with  a Rock Star and then DVD's ahoy!!

Hope to  be back up to speed tomorrow.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Sick Saturday

This is going to be a relatively short blog this morning as I have been up since 5am and feel terrible. Very high temperature, have been sick several times ( way too much information) and I ache all over.

I am going to go back to bed and hope that I feel better by lunchtime!

So I will have a quick round up of what is happening in the world.

In the Woman's World cup, England lost to Sri Lanka in the opening game, they are apparently 'stunned' so I am guessing that they thought they would sail through.

The Professional Cricket Association has sent out booklets to all players on how to deal with depression. This is long overdue and I am glad that it is being highlighted. Sadly too late for some, RIP Mark Saxelby

Over in F1 Baron Button was talking about how he felt that his new car could possibly win him the world title for the 2nd time. I blinking well hope so, because I 'lurvveee' Baron Button.

So I am now going back off to my 'sick' bed and pulling the duvet over my head.

If I resurface I will see you all here again tomorrow!

Friday, 1 February 2013

Its F(ryan)day and also Job The Jollys Birthday!

IT's F(ryan) day

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, you sad Sunderland fan....
...well someone has to be!

Happy Birthday Job the Jolly, today he is the same age as I, Lady Lainey, yes Jobbers is 21! and he doesn't look a day over 37! he is coming into work this morning. ( Do you think he is expecting a present?) and he is off until Tuesday. 'Woohoo, you out on the lash at the weekend?' I asked. 'I think that I may have too much jelly and ice cream' was his reply. Of course I believe him............................NOT.

Still no answers to the 'cryptic clue' yesterday. Jolly flipping sick of the whole thing now. And only I can do something about it. Onward and upward!.

Over in the crazy world of cricket, it couldn't get any crazier than in the Womans World cup in India. The Pakistan team are reported to be sleeping at the stadium under police protection as it is not thought to be safe for them to stay in a hotel!

Warwickshire have named the successor to Ashley Giles and it is Dougie Brown who worked as assistant to Ashley. Good luck in your position as Director of coaching.. They appear to have had a bit of a shake up with the staff which is something that Durham blinking well need( OK I know that I keep banging on about it, but I will, until it happens).

Over in footy land David Beckham has signed to PSG. OMG I hope that the flipping pouting one now has a smile on her pinched lips. At least she will be able to hot(bunion) foot it round the swanky shops in Pareeeee. And after that horrid comment I will keep all my thoughts on Mrs Beckham to myself. I do know that she is not actually going over there to live ('LE YIPPPEEEE!!!' cry all of France) and will be living in London.

Well tonight The Blades are in action against Coventry. Without Shaun Miller and now Nick Blackman. Not to worry I know that they will come out on top.

Birmingham are at home tomorrow to Notts Forest

The Mighty Whites are home to Cardiff

I have read also that a large chain of Burger restaurants have admitted that they have been serving burgers with horsemeat in for quite a while. I sort of think that once they remove it their burgers may not be quite as nice.#myopiniononly  #ispendalotoftimeinfrance.

And finally researchers have apparently found that being married has reduced heart attacks  in woman, gave them stability, positive lifestyle, more cash................ well I was married and it may have reduced the risk of a heart attack but it certainly upped my chances of going to prison!!!!. I am sure my marriage was not unique in being horrendous, and I cannot stand reading this 'twaddle' that researches, spend years and huge amount of government money 'researching'. Perhaps if they did research out of the 'Ladies who lunch' 'stockbroker' belt they would get a true look at marriages and woman's health.

Jobbers, Pony Paul, Lady Lainey, Dan Dan Cowboy Draughtsman