Sunday, 31 March 2013

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!!, I haven't been downstairs yet to see if the Easter Bunny has been, but I am sure we won't have a repetition of last year in France ( Lapin du Pacques est mort! ).

And also YIPPPPEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! British Summer time has arrived!. I was expecting to find snow again this morning when I peeped out of the window but, apart from a bit of frost we look to have escaped it.

Well yesterday Countess Culshaw and Sir Samuel arrived at lunchtime, and after having a cup of tea we had a walk to Lady laineyville ( well Sir Samuel went on  his scooter). After the snow in the morning it was not sunny and bright and dare I say........................warm!!!. Coming back we decided to extend the walk and go to the 'Co op'. On the way Sir Samuel kept lying down on the grass saying he was sunbathing. When we got to the 'Co op' he asked the Coutness  if he could have an ice cream ' because that's what you have when you are on holiday'. So we all had an ice cream ( well a 99 Cornetto), sitting on the bench in very close proximity to Former Lord Lainey's house!
When we got home Sir Samuel asked if I had a swimming pool in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers 'because you always go swimming on holiday'. Sadly I had to say no, so he went to play out in the Deer Park.( the adventure playground, its an adventure trying to avoid the cat poo, Well I had actually removed it all in preparation of the little Lords arrival)
Today we are going 'train spotting'!

Yorkshire yesterday gave Darren Gough a life time membership, 'well were is mine' I cry. OK he bowled OK, but I am way better looking than him!.And slimmer!

News from the footy.

The Mighty Whites lost 3-0 to Ipswich. I am not sure what is going on with the Yorky teams but they had better get their fingers out and win some matches in the last few weeks of the season.
Sunderland ( apparently a fairly good team according to 'Jo Bling') sacked their manager yesterday. Martin O'Neil got the boot, after the team went eight games without a win. Well I say sack the flipping team and get a whole new one!!!

So it very short today but I can hear Sir Samuel stirring next door and need to go and see if there is 'tons' of chocolate for me.

Have a great day and try not to eat your body weight in Easter Eggs!.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Snow again!

Holy flipping mackerel  It has only gone and flipping well snowed through the night, yesterday we had sunshine, I had my smalls blowing on the washing line and had all the windows open in Tykes Towers to let fresh air in ( flipping cold air, but fresh just the same). However all seems to be on track for the arrival of Countess Culshaw and Sir Samuel, as long as they haven't had snow and there isn't any on the A66 .

Yesterday was a busy old day for I,Lady Lainey getting the house 'ship shape' for the guests. And by 9.00pm I was ready to hit the hay. Totally worn out. I went straight to sleep and had forgotten to switch off my mobile. I heard it 'beep' at some point when I was in the land of 'nod'. I woke up this morning to a message for Former 'would like to be Lord Lainey'. Give me strength!!!!. It was sent late and he was obviously 'tanked up'  telling me, that to 'avoid me having an awkward moments at cricket this season he had declined his ticket'. Firstly the size of the ground at Durham he could have hidden for  a year and I wouldn't have seen him. 'To avoid me having any awkward moments'.............Get over yourself you over inflated space hopper!!!! 'Declined his ticket' well as he normally takes one and a parking ticket, that a Disabled man kindly gives him, I should think so!!!! Buy one like everybody else!!!.

Needless to say after having a fit of the giggles, I deleted the message.

Wooohooo super news for I 'Lady Lainey her super fave Derbyshire cricketer has resigned on a two year contract. Yes I will be able to see Chesney Hughes playing until September 2015!!!

Further news form New Zealand is that two men have been charged with the horrific attack non Jesse Ryder.. Jesse is now 'interacting' with family, and has been said to be in a stable condition.

Over in F1 Frank Williams has named his daughter Claire as his Deputy Team Principal and she will eventually become his successor. She becomes the second woman  with a role running an F1 team after Saber  gave Monisha Kaltenborn the Principal role last season.
Claires move had been planned to be announced at the start of the season, but had been put on hold due to the death of her mother Virginia dying earlier this month.

Footy roundup

Birmingham drew with Blackpool last night 1-1

The Blades lost to Tranmere which sees them done in 5th place in the table!!! come on you blinking Blades!!!!!

Today Leeds United are at Ipswich
OK it is only short today as I still have to bake a cake, hoover the bedrooms and wash my oranage curls!!

Happy Easter

Friday, 29 March 2013

Good Friday

So today is Good Friday and part of the long weekend holidays for Easter here in the UK. Or as it is known in France La Paques. ( Dame Didi do you remember le lapin du est mort! zut alors, ). It will soon be Easter Sunday and we can scoff our Easter Eggs............however we should remember the true meaning of Easter.

So what else has been happening, well I went  off to super swanky Lady Lainey office and prepared to 'jolly' up the 'boys' only to find that Pony Paul was still not eating (Manorexia!) now nearly 4 days and not looking great, then he was moaning about the heaters in my office ( Manopause!), then start coughing (Man Flu!!!). Well looks like Mrs Pony Paul is in for a fun weekend!!! ( Man overboard!!!!)

Flipping heck I have done so much work in Tykes Towers that I think I need a week off work to recover! I have preparing for the imminent arrival of Countess Culshaw and Sir Samuel.

I text Mr funky the chauffeur to ask if he would take me to 'Meet the Players' evening at The Riverside on Wednesday. I know I didn't wake him up as he is on 'afternoons', so I must have interrupted his breakfast.....................judging by the texts that followed

Mr Funky  Why the flipping heck* do you want to go and meet those flowery hats?* you will see them nearly every week for the rest of the bally* summer

Lady Lainey  Wow!! thats a tad strong language there Mr funky, my ears are fair ringing!!

Mr Funky   Oh for Donald Duck's* sake why on earth do you want to go and meet that shower of has beens

Lady Lainey   I was only joking!!!!

*alternative wording to protect readers

Now if it had been 'Meet the Tykey Vikings,' I would have gone without Mr Funky ( he would have only cramped my style).

And talking about my Vikings, they have been playing host to the Minnosota Vikings and giving them a masterclass in how to play cricket ( methinks they ought to get onto the A1 and drive in a hasty manner northwards to Junction and show former besty home county of Durham how to do it)

After yesterdays terrible news about Jesse Ryder in New Zealand it appears that he was attacked twice in quick succession and is now in a medically induced coma. He also suffered a collapsed lung in the attack on Thursday. he was due to fly out to Delhi to join the IPL.  We all wish him a speedy recovery #stillinshock!

Read on the BBC website that Lancashire have resigned Prince. Well let me tell you I didn't remember seeing His Royal Purpleness playing last year. I would have surely have remembered him going out to bat to the strains of '1999'. However on further reading all became clear they have not resigned PRINCE but South African batsman Ashwell Prince. Oh well not quite as entertaining to watch but good luck to him.

Just a reminder that if you log onto, you can find out all the news on first class cricket in Cornwall in June this year. Ticket information and much more. And they are also on Twitter, stop reading this and get on to the website!!!

And so my readers where ever you may be, Frohe Ostern  (Germany).Felices Pascuas (Spain), Pask Seder ( Breton),  Pask Lowen ( Cornish),Häid lihavõttepühi (estonian).

So from I, Lady Lainey have a great day whatever you are doing and where ever you are in the world.

Thursday, 28 March 2013

What is that green 'stuff'???

Pink Hippo and I decided to be really brave this morning and peep out of the window to see what delights the weather had in store for us today. OMG there was green stuff outside (OK it was brown and boggy in places). There was no snow, somehow over night it had all disappeared, which means that although it is cold I, Lady Lainey can put my high heels on, they may be boots but they are still high heels!!!

Horrible news coming in from New Zealand Jesse Ryder has been taken to hospital with serious head injuries after being beaten up outside a bar in Christchurch. He is now in intensive care.Details of the incident remain sketchy. Ryder who has featured in the national team, plays his cricket in Wellington.
I, Lady Lainey hopes that he is on the mend very soon.

Also reported that KP does not need an operation on his knee which is now in a brace and need significant rest.Well at least he is not having to spend his rest time with the England team, which is a relief if he isn't getting on with them as well as reported.

Well all my comments appear to be nearer the mark than most people thought, as Australian cricket legend Steve Waugh believes that the Ashes team coming to England this year will relish the underdog title. He said that he thinks that his country men  could cause a shock when they play the 'Ingerland' boys. Well don't say I hadn't warned you!!!.

Well it is still looking good for visitors over the weekend and I am about to start the final push to get all ready for them. I just wish that the temperature would get above -25 ( SLIGHT exaggeration!)..

And so I will keep this short as today Thursday is the new Friday and the last day of my working week, so I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office  to shout, sing, and be generally jolly and annoy the boys. Whilst also looking very pretty and drinking gallons of coffee.

I am also packing my bags in readiness for my invitation to Singapore. Sir Robert of Solihull has only gone and got a flipping job out there!!!. Well I have always wanted to go to  The Raffles Hotel, now might be my chance!.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Nearer to the weekend!

Well more snow falling ( is this not getting boring???) and I am trying to get all the things that I flogged on eBay wrapped up and to the Post Office before I get snowed in. ( I very much doubt that this will happen but who knows!).

It is only one week to the start of the cricket season and I am excited but also dreading sitting out in the cold…………..which is preferable to sitting in the members lounge  at former besty home county of Durham, with a load of old codgers who can still ‘play better than half the team!’ ( give them a bat and let them prove it!!!....…actually I could probably play better than half the team but that is not the point..) Actually on one of the very few occasions that I have ventured into the suite, one old boy told me I couldn't sit in a particular chair as it was Franks. I said that frank could have it when he came back. Apparently he had been dead for 10 years. I refused to move, I pay my membership and have for the 21 years that they have been a first class county. Needless to say I was the talk of the members lounge!

Oh goodness I sound like Geoff Boycott!

Well, well ,well, Alastair Cook and the team have been accused of being complacent and took for granted that they were a stronger side than New Zealand. Well that is one word that I would use. I think that in the run up to the Ashes the players should keep their heads down, their opinions to themselves and the Captain speak for the team. That way they will not be 'quoted' later when they are in hot water.
Cook said that they were not complacent and that the team did not play as well as they could have. 'Non merde Sherlock!' that is an understatement!. 

Oh goodness I sound like some jaded old cricket hack!!

For I, Lady Lainey it is now only 25 days until i see my beloved Yorkshire battle it out with former besty home county of Durham. I am getting all my flasks ( YES! all of them  Dame Didi, I know that you think I am 'flask OCD') ready for gallons of coffee, soup and anything else hot that I can put into them. I am thinking that when Mr Funky and I go I may even surprise him with Hot Chocolate. However if it isn't 'full fat' hot chocolate he won't be wanting it!!
So my cushion ( to protect my delicate derrière  is ready as are the thermals and blanky ( needed to wrap around your legs late afternoon) and over sized golf umbrella ( always needed) and I am ready for the off.

Oh goodness i sound like a mad cricket fan!!!!

OMG I AM!!!!!

Well as the snow is falling and the sky is grey and 'heavy' I am keeping this short so that I can get into the Lady Lainey limo and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office. Hopefully 'Jo Bling' will be in already be in and have the heating cranked up, and the kettle on. And then I can settle down for another day of looking pretty and shouting at the boys

Hahaha I sound like the boss!!!!

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

It's starting to get on my nerves now!!!!!

Oh yes I wish that I could stay tucked up in bed like Pink Hippo and VB but sadly I have to bravely venture on out into the snow, yes there was more last night. That and the fact that the wind chill is making it feel like -25 out side ( OK -3 but that's still freezing), make for a not so happy day in super swanky office with Jo Bling and the crew of 2.

My Tykes are en route and may even be back in Blighty now and flipping heck what a shock they will get after they have been building up a sweat on the sunny island of Barbados. For me though this is the sign that the cricket season is getting closer, the boys are home and preparing for the season.

Well who would have 'Adam and Eve'd it' this time yesterday England were in for a series defeat. but with the heroic batting of Matt Prior they managed to pull of a draw. He managed a stunning batting innings of 110 and even Monty Panesar helped out. it is only the fourth time that the team have gone into the final day of a match four wickets down and avoided defeat.All this and not a whiff of KP??? Excellent.. Well done to the England boys.

David Smith the Northants chief has expressed concern that the cold weather could harm the coming season. Hun have you never been to the North East? Last year at this time we were basking in fantastic temperature, Dame Didi and I were packing our bikinis and T shirts for France and then at the beginning of April it snowed. And we had to repack our cases and travel over the M62 in snow storms and freezing temperatures to get to Manchester airport. Stop being a southern softy and get your flipping thermals out.

The poor Australians are not having a great time. They have now been completely trounced by the Indians. However I know that the lessons that they have learnt here will be put to good use. Unlike England who will now be basking in the fact that Matt Prior pulled them out of the poo.

Former England captain Andrew Strauss and Sky have confirmed that they are in talks to get him on board with all the other 'has beens' to do a bit of commentating over the Ashes series. For the love of God another person to listen to droning on about his amazing career. I like the man, don't get me wrong but I feel that Sky commentary team is another name for 'Old braggers club'!!!

I was reading last week about the engagement ring that Napoleon gave to Josephine and that it was going up for auction expecting to bring £13,000. I was stunned that something so beautiful and also with such historic provenance should be valued so low. ( maybe it was a typo). However today I have seen that it sold for £660,000. WOW that's more like it a  stunning ring too.

Monday, 25 March 2013

Lady Lainey no likey!

So what is it that I , Lady Lainey 'no likey', well I 'no likey', rats, frogs, slugs, horses.......................but I think that regular readers know this already.

I 'no likey' the flipping cold and the fact that everyday for the last hundred years (OK!!! that is a huge exaggeration but it feels like a hundred years), it has been so flipping cold that I live in fear of my nose running, as it will instantly turn to an icicle.................not a good look in anyone's books.

I 'no likey' the fact that my feet only see the light of day ( and electric light actually) as  I jump out of bed in the morning and when I pull my socks off before jumping into bed at night. No pretty pedicure going on there....................yet!

I ' no likey' the fact that I think that I am psychic ( yes PSYCHIC Dame Didi!!! :-). And 'why?' you are all asking, because I knew that England were not going to do too well in NZ. As they slumped to a 90-4 humiliating score at the end of day 4. England had been set a World record score of  ( and they were never going to be record breakers) 481 from 143 overs to win. And I 'no likey' that the much hyped  Bell  only managed to score 8 off 89 balls. OMG that really must have been like watching paint dry.
I think that Australian cricket  fans may well be watching this with interest!

I 'no likey' that  rookie on the F1 circuit only flipping well beat Baron Button!!! what the Donald Duck was going on there. As I was out in the 'boot room' I did not get to see the highlights  However I think that Red Bull had a bit of a tussle on its hands.Vettel came in ahead of Webber after he had ignored team orders and overtaken him. 'Aye, mark my words there'll be trouble a t'mill now!!!'

I 'no likey' that the match between my Tykes and Nottinghamshire over in Barbados was drawn. The players return to the UK on Tuesday and return to indoor nets, well they would be flipping mad to be outside in this weather!.

I 'no likey' that Sir Bradley came in 5th place in Spain in the Tour de Catalonia but I do 'likey' that Chris Froome destroyed the field to take the final stage of the Criterium International  in Corsica. Well done boys next stop Le Tour!

I 'no likey' the fact that I now have to go to super swanky Lady Lainey office.............................woooooo, hold on a minute.........................Yipde flipping is a four day week this week, super long weekend coming up. YEEEAAHHHH!!!!!


Sunday, 24 March 2013

Still flipping freezing..........where is the sunshine???

Holiday photos, great to look through but not when it is snowing a blizzard and howling a gale outside.I cannot believe how flipping cold it is here in the North East of Blighty. The sky is grey and does not look too promising, however they did say that there would be no snow today............but do they really know!.

So lets go to where is is nice and hot, lets go to see what the Tykey Vikings are doing in Barbados. At the end of day 1 Yorkshire were 223-11 dec after 90 overs. It had been agreed prior to the start of the match that Yorkshire would bat the full 90 overs no matter how many wickets were lost. Adam Lyth and Joe Sayers batted twice. His Royal Ryanness scored a very impressive 11. However day 2 results are not up on the website so cannot give any more imformation.

Over in NZ, things a not quite as peachy, as England are up against it and could face a series defeat, England finished on 204, with Joe Root making 45. New Zealand then went back in to bat and fell to 8-3 at one point however at close of play they  were 35-3 and lead by 274 runs. I bet England are praying for rain again.

There were some lovely picture on line of Shane Watson and his wife proudly showing off their new son who was born on March 14th. With all the turmoil in Australian cricket at the moment, this was a lovely piece of reading. Gorgeous baby!

So now lets see how Lady Lainey's boys got on in the football.

Well The Blades were given the afternoon off due to snow!

So they will have all been at home with their feet up drinking hot chocolate.

Over in Malaysia, Baron Button was not on pole position but neither was LH, so lets see what happens in the race, after 6 laps The Baron is in 4th position. #COYJ.

M Webber is currently leading with LH in second place. (8.21am UK time).

So I am keeping this short as I prepare to wrap up and go to collect the I really want one badly enough to go out in this !!!!

Saturday, 23 March 2013

It's Saturday can't really say much more

Look how flipping sunny and warm it is here at Tykes Towers I think I might have a dip in the pool!!!.............and then I wake up and it is chuffing cold and snowy AGAIN!!! Whats a Lady to do? well for starters get the blinking thermals on and then prepare to brave the Arctic conditions, all to get supplies for the 'boys' for lunch next week at super swanky Lady Lainey office. they have no idea how well I look after them.

Over in sunnier NZ Steven Finn took 6-125 to put the home team out for 443.The much hyped and overrated Monty Panesar's bowling figures were not so good 1-123, expensive!!! Pretty good batting I think from NZ. England however went in to bat and are struggling at close of play with the score being 50-2.Top Tykes Joe Root and Jonny Bairstow waiting to go in to bat ( won't be long boys methinks)

Apparently KP's injury has led to a string of conspiracy theories which in turn have forced Alistair Cook to say that KP is really injured. The fact that he has 'reintegrated' into the team have not stopped tongues wagging that he is 'distant' from the other players ( not distant enough say I ) and not really wanting to play in a 'low key' test. well the Australians are in need of players I am sure he could find a way to qualify to play for them ( his grannies next door neighbours cat is Australian???)

Former besty home county of Durham's Chris Rushworth has been called up to the MCC side to take on Warwickshire. The Sunderland born bowler who took 38 first class wickets last season ( surprising as he is often over looked and playing 2nd XI) is said to be delighted. Chris is a great cricketer and is always supported by his very nice Dad and Pasha the dog.( rat finder extraordinaire but that is another story) Just to say that I Lady Lainey am very scaredy of rats ( and frogs and horses).

Whilst mentioning former besty home county, I came home last night to find my Durham membership 'stuffed' in the letter box NOTE not THROUGH the letter box, Postman Prat strikes again!. Then got a tweet from Pauly Paul ( Mr Funky and Lady Lainey's besty cricket pal and Dad of Dynamo Dom) just mentioning that on the coldest day of the year the membership arrives!!! very true. Thermals Ahoy!!!

Besty Twitter pal The Duke of Adelaide also tweeted that his Nespresso had burst into flames. Over use is my theory. Get a Senseo!

Qualifying is under way for the Malaysian Grand prix will Baron Button be on pole? will he make the podium  we will find out tomorrow.

Over in Spain Sir Bradley is not doing too well ( but is only to get some practise for Le Tour) the race ends in Barcelona tomorrow.

So with all this firmly in print I am now off to brave the elements.

OH JOY!!!!

Friday, 22 March 2013

Flipping Freezing F(ryan)day

Lady Lainey's view July 2012

Welcome to Flipping Freezing F(ryan)day here in the North east of Blighty. Not a great start to the weekend but not to worry, tomorrow is another day.And tomorrow is more snow apparently! Oh Joy!!! Now where did I put my Hunters? yep right by the drawbridge ready for every excursion out of the 'The towers'!

Yorkshire are still out in the sun in Barbados and are taking on Nottinghamshire today with His Royal Ryanness  facing his old team. There will be more on this tomorrow. #COYT

Now lets get down to what has been happening in NZ. OR do we really want to know.......well England opted to bowl thinking that the wicket has some pace and bounce in it. Nopey nopey no! There was no life in it which helped NZ to a close of play total on the first day of 250-1. Peter Fulton hitting his maiden test century.
Finn took the only wicket of the first day, with the highly overrated ( in my opinion)Monty Panesar struggling to achieve any turn in his bowling. NZ captain Brendon Mc Cullum did say that he would have opted to bowl first if they had won the toss but I think he was just being a good sport  ( and laughing at England!!! :-)

Reading the English press all the 'hacks' saying that FIGJAMS loss is a blow to this match...................yeah well it has been down to the bowlers today and look how well that went. Also that 'FIGJAM' was desperate to play.........................with a knee injury!!! get serious, or was he only paid if he played???? most of them take the time to sit on the bench if they fracture an eyelash or heaven forbid, break a nail.

Well lets see what has been going on across the sea in Australia where Mickey Arthur has been defending his decision to drop players. He still defends the choice made and said he would do it again if he had to. moral of the story to all cricketers 'do your homework'.

Good news that the BBC are going to provide live match commentaries on every county match this season. WOOHOOOO that is flipping brill and means that  'Jo Bling' ( aka Job the Jolly) and I can listen to Durham getting trounced and Yorkshire winning!!!

News from Spain that Sir Bradley  is in overall third place after stage three's summit finish. Come on Wiggo!!

Footy news

Birmingham are at Crystal Palace tonight

Leeds take on Ipswich  away tomorrow
Sheffield United are home to Brentford tomorrow too

Good luck to them all ( but mostly to The Blades!)


Cold, cold, and a chance of getting colder. No snow yet but 3in forecast for today and tomorrow possibly more. So sorry to be so flipping boring but I am jolly well sick of it now! So thermos in the car along with the spade and a couple of blankets. Better to be prepared.

So have a great day and Dame Didi hope that  lunch was a success yesterday.

HMMMM someone stealing Lady Laineys position!!!

Thursday, 21 March 2013

No thaw Thursday

Well there is thick carpet of frost here this morning but there is some sun! weak wintery sun, but at least it is having  a go at shining. Its not making any impression on the frost but it is early.

So now to the HOT cricket news. Oh dear me!!! where do I start............OK lets just get straight down to it. FIGJAM is ruled out for 6-8 weeks with a knee injury! OMG does this affect IPL? Well yes it does, he has withdrawn from his matches with Delhi Daredevils ( he will still pocket his £1.3m fee though, phewww thought I was going to have to send some food parcels), as well as being ruled out of the test which starts today. Once again I ask why half the team went out to NZ carrying injuries, and were still selected. Once again I ask as Achilles did in Troy 'IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?????'

Anderson also appears to be struggling with an ankle and back problems, Broad with his heel, Finn with constant mechanical breakdown and Bell with constant verbal diarrhoea. Oh woe is the England team. Time to call up Irani, Fraser, Atherton and Stewart. ( google if you don't remember).

Jonny Bairstow has been given the task of filling FIGJAMS shoes, and Jonny will do just fine.
Ireland are stilling charging on in Sharjah and are now 6 points clear of UAE in the Intercontinental Cup. #COYI

Its been a busy week for the Duchess of Cambridge who has been out and about since Sunday, yesterday she joined the Queen and Prince Philip at baker Street to mark the 150th anniversary of the London Underground.

Its been a busy week for , Lady Lainey too, what with actually having to do some work, and not just shout at 'Jo Bling and the crew of 2' and look pretty. However today it is so flipping freezing that I am going to be huddled in my office, with my heaters going drinking gallons of coffee and ignoring them.


Flipping frosty, flipping freezing, flipping fur lined knickers today! Flipping forecast flurries of white stuff, with a ton descending tomorrow!.

So as I go to get the Lady Lainey limo out of the garage I wish you all a Happy Thursday.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Allez Wiggo or Ir Wiggo in Spaish ( I think better ask Nando!)

Well in all the excitement ( or excrement as auto correct keeps trying  to change it to  of the cricket, and my Tykes and all the other nonsense that I blog everyday, I had completely forgotten to mention Sir Wiggo, who is currently doing the Tour of  Catalonia. who finished 6th in the opening stage of the race. Sir Bradley came over to race form a training camp in Tenerife ( yeah!! it was an 18-30's hotel!) where he is in preparation for Le Tour. I wonder if Dame Didi is??

Okey dokey bit of cricket news , Mitchell Starc is to undergo an ankle operation and hope this will see him fit for the Ashes tour, where he is hoping to get a place. Goof luck with the op Mitch.

Nick Compton is saying that he wants to move out of his fathers shadow. Well my theory is then he should never have chosen cricket as a career. It is obvious that he will constantly compared with his father. You have to look no further than Liam Botham.  He started to play at cricket for  Hampshire 2nd XI aged 15 and  in his first interview ( oh yes there was more media there than spectators!) he said he aimed to be better than his Dad.  Famous last words and these were all too often quoted.Well sadly he wasn't and he went on to play Rugby!.


Today has dawned cold wet and flipping miserable, I am now chuffing well sick of it. Where is the sunshine? where are days that do not having tons of water or worse still white stuff falling out of the sky. Well not usually anywhere near the North East of Blighty that's blinking well sure. So fashion watch for today is 17 layers if you dare. Hunters in the boot of the car/limo/Daimler. Hat scarf and gloves still needed.

On this day

20th March

1917 Dame Vera Lynn was born

1984  Fernando Torres born

1969 John Lennon married Yoko Ono in Gibraltar

And so with that I leave you all to trundle off to super swanky Lady Lainey look pretty and to shout at the boys.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Not keen on Tuesdays either!!!

Needed something to brighten up my day!

So it's Tuesday and I am still unable to crawl out of bed at some time close to normal ( well normal for me so probably stupid o' clock for everyone else). The weather is appalling and I am sick of going to work looking like the 'Michelin woman', even the thought that it is under 40 days until I see my Tykes is not urging me on. I want to wear pretty frocks and sandals and have my orange curls wafting in the breeze whilst my tiara stays firmly in place. Not wear 20 layers and thermals, carry Hunter's around with me at all time in case of more snow. Have a hat pulled down over orange afro and legs have not seen the light of day since September ( legs not seen a razor or any wax since then too by the looks of the fur coat they are wearing!!! YUKKY!!) Maybe I need to do something constructive, like defuzz and spray tan ............nope too flipping cold for any of that malarkey!

Hot news, over the Easter weekend I am having my first real guest to stay at Tykes Towers. Countess Culshaw and Sir Samuel are coming to visit so I had better get a wriggle on and get some work done in the house. Mr Funky the Chauffeur has said that he will help me gravel by the walled garden, but the 'Deer park' will have to wait until later! ( well it is chuffing big and I think that it will take more than Mr Funky and myself to do it.).

So what else has been happening in the wonderful world of cricket

Well it isn't looking good for Australia, as India made it a series win. I think that although the team seems to be struggling ( and they have had a rough time in the last couple of weeks). They are young and WILL be a force to be reckoned with. Australia have a way to produce great players that England have not yet  hit on. Yes England have had great and talented players but Australia 'nurtures' its player where as in England we 'indulge' them.

The English press are already saying that Broad and Compton have booked their Ashes place. Well Compton had been out for ducks before hitting century's and Broad is carrying his heel injury. I would have thought that the concern over this injury would  be enough for a 'wait and see' attitude. In the words of Achilles in the amazing film 'Troy' 'IS THERE NO ONE ELSE???'

Umpire Nadir Shah has been banned for 10 years by the Bangladesh Cricket Board on charges of corruption. I know that once the rotund one from Durham starts to umpire he could face a 10 year ban form the tea table!!!!

Over in Footy  Watford former club of cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo are in big merde. They are under a transfer embargo and there former owner ( no not Elton John!) is banned from football for 3 years for financial misconduct. They did however not face a piont deduction and in light of their title chase they should be very glad. It looks to be a right old pickle down at Vicarage Road ( yes I knows it well, used to drive past it to go shopping in the Harlequin Centre!)


Totally flipping freezing, I am typing super fast to try to keep my hands warm. It is wet , so HURRAH  NO SNOW!! .....YET.
Fashion for the day, 18 layers today as it is 'slightly' warmer and boots rather than Hunters. However scarf, hat and gloves cannot be omitted as your ears will probably drop off once you set foot over the door frame!!!

I hope you are feeling better today Dame Didi, and hope you don;'t have the horrid 'lurgy' that I had.

Bon Journee

Monday, 18 March 2013

I hate Mondays

Yep after being awake before the crack of dawn for the last two mornings  today, Monday, the start of the working week, I was in serious fear of over sleeping!!! I am so tired and I HATE Mondays. And worse than having to get up and got to super swanky freezing Lady Lainey office with my  posse 'Jo Bling and the crew of 2' ( draughtsman formerly known as Job the Jolly, Pony Paul and Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman).

 So how could it be worse. Well my super Yorkshire Norseman, my Tyky Vikings lost in the T20 semis to Nottinghamshire ( well at least they stuffed Hants). New boy Liam Plunkett had a bat and took a wicket too.
However its not the winning but the taking part ( and they were taking part so they should have won!!). So boys the countdown is on now until I get to see you.

Over in NZ England were not having a good day either. After the English press were full of victory tales on Friday, rain stopped 2 days play and resulted in a draw. So onward to the next test!

Ireland were fairing better than Scotland in the Intercontinental Cup in Sharjah. William Porterfield hit an unbeaten century as their match against UAE ended in a draw. Great to see them doing well. Also great news that World cup qualifying matches will take place at Stormont  against Ireland and Scotlandon 6-8 September. This is for the 2015 World Cup.

In F1 yesterday Baron Button did not even get close to the podium, coming in 9th ( what the Donald Duck???). At Least LH didn't make the podium either!.  Top 3 were Raikkonen, Alonso and Vettel. On to the next venue. Malaysia next weekend!. #COYJ!

Well I managed to flog some of my treasure on eBay over the weekend and have another lot waiting to see if anyone is interested in them and at 6.30am this morning it was looking good.

So now I am off to don as many layers as I can before setting off to Lady Lainey office.


The snow that came down yesterday afternoon and evening has cleared so that should make the drive to work not too bad, but it is freezing cold, wet and very dark!
So  thermals, 20 layers of clothing and a blanket are the order of the day.

Until tomorrow

Sunday, 17 March 2013


Wooo hoooo I am likings

Super cricket by my Vikings!!!

Well there are lots of things that make I,Lady Lainey happy, diamonds, new tiaras, handbags, shoes, hats,champagne AND my flipping Tykes beating former besty home county in the South, Hampshire. I know that you shouldn't gloat as this is not Lady like at all..............................BUT!!! I am over the flipping moon.

They stormed into finals day with a seven wicket victory over Hampshire, who had won the toss and elected to bat. His Royal Ryanness only dispatched James Vince with his first ball!!! OMG I am bouncing as I am typing. Ryan went onto to take more wickets as did Liam Plunkett. great to see Richard Pyrah back and fit.

Final score was
Hants 112-6

Super besty team in the whole world Yorkshire 116-3

Finals day today with live Twitter feed from 4.30pm UK time

England were washed out in NZ on day four and day five is also looking to be rained off, so NZ may escape lightly!!

Ian Blackwell ( the rotund one) from former besty home county of Durham has retired although I did blog this in January. He has had repeated problems with his shoulder and is going to now take up a role in Umpiring. ( beware tea ladies, just when you thought it was a safe to put the pork pie out early!). Good luck to him in what ever he does.

OK footy news

The Mighty Whites went down 2-1 at Hunddersfield!

Birmingham beat Boro 1-0, luckily this time Cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo didn't get booked. And he is staying at Birmingham for the remainder of the season! ( so a few more weeks!)

And then The Blades! Well what can I say they went down 4-0 at Stevenage!!!! They have now dropped down out of the automatic promotion zone!. Holy flipping mackerel I bet Sir Sean of Bean and I, Lady Lainey are both biting our nails and I can't be doing that not with the big wedding coming up.

F1Australian Grand Prix is underway as we speak and Baron Button in is 8th ( YES THAT'S  8TH ) place, on the 35th lap (7.00am UK time) and worse than that 9th place is Grosjean. Go faster Baron Button and get away form him!!!!!

Oh well its been a super sporty Sunday round up and now I am going to have some crumpets for my breakfast.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Slumber Saturday.............

Well it should have been, but I have been up since 5.10am and now have the second load of washing in ( a Lady's work is never done), the snow has finally all disappeared and I can get back to tiara wearing instead of beret wearing. However the orange curls are still a force to contend with especially as now ( looking out of the window) it is only flipping well raining!!!.

It is now only 40 days until I get to see my beloved Tykes in action against former besty home county of Durham. They are now going to change their one day name to  'The Durham Daylight Robbers'.  Well no actually they aren't but they flipping well should!!! or give me my 5 year membership money back and let me in for free!!!!...................................and breathe!

It appears that everyone but I,Lady Lainey is in Barbados, not only are my Tykes out there, but Penelope Cruz is there too with her yummy hubby Javier Bardem. And not content with that Max Chilton the rookie F1 driver had also out there relaxing prior to the start of the F1 season with his girlfriend. Oh dear and I get to go to the Costa Del Darlo every day to work and then back to Lido de Lady Lainey!!! NOT FAIR!!!!

I will keep the test news brief . NZ followed on and closed on 77-1, Broad took 6-51 and as stated on the BBC website 'to set up Englands victory push' Why do they say that????? We all  know that NZ are 211 behind with England an innings in hand, but we have seen  England collapse before and 'chickens' and 'hatching' comes to mind. I may be wrong..................

Good news for Swann fans as he looks to be fit for an early summer start after surgery on his elbow. The operation took place in America and looks to have been a success

Over in Australia at the qualifying Grosjean was the fastest in the rain hit final practice. This is because no other driver will go near him this season as he was always involved in crashes last season!!!

So what is in store for I, Lady Lainey today??? well I am shopping for the boys lunches for next week ( they have no idea how lucky they are, 'Jo Bling' and the crew of two!). then I want to do some housework!!!!!!!!!!  Well actually I want the spare bedrooms here at Tykes Towers tidying up.

So with that in mind I am off to 'hop' into the shower and start to do get things done.

have a super Saturday

Friday, 15 March 2013

Its F(ryan)day even in Barbados

Hurrah it is F(ryan)day and it is the last day of the working week in super swanky Lady Lainey office. I am super tired from marathon DVD viewing. I have watched all the second series of Game of Thrones and am now about to start the 3 rd book in readiness for the start of the third series at the beginning of April.

Mr Funky the chauffeur and I also went out running last night, not a good idea as there was black ice and 'white' ice everywhere. Luckily I, Lady Lainey did not end up my my posterior.

Lets see what has been happening in the Cccrrazzzy world of cricket.

Well in Barbados the boys are not only topping up their tans but also in preparation for the match tomorrow against former besty home county in the south ( until they beat my Tykes in the T20 final last season) Hampshire. I know that the Tykes will do everything in their power to win this match and as you know I have great faith in them

The result from their 'inter' team game was a draw. However it was all about getting the 'boys' used to the sunshine I think because here in Blighty we haven't been having a lot of it. In fact I think my vitamin D levels are dropping dramatically!.

However in NZ England finished on 465 with Joe Root only managing 10, not to worry as Broad was on 6 so it was no shame for Joe. England then went onto a bowling attack  with NZ losing their opening batsmen for 24 runs. Close of play NZ 66-3. So on to day 3.

More alarmingly  I received my council tax bill on Wednesday and nearly fainted at the amount. Now we no longer provide Police protection for a Prime Minister I thought that we may have a 'freeze' but NO!!!!! now DURHAM COUNTY COUNCIL ( yes name and shame them) are giving DURHAM COUNTY CRICKET CLUB £2.8 million . Now as I have probably given Durham CCC that over the past 21 years in wine bills alone, I am a tad cheesed off. Especially as I have raked up a jolly huge amount to be a member for the next 5 years! They say it will be paid back into the economy over and over again now that Durham hold international fixtures. DING DONG!!!! they have been holding international fixtures since 2003. Where has that money gone ( ' I know!!'). This money is probably Geoff Cooks bonus for doing nothing but sitting on the balcony and grinning inanely!!#notahappylady
I am putting quill to paper as we speak.

Ben Stokes has also been omitted from the Durham pre season training squad after being sent home from the Lions tour. Well this year they are only going to Loughborough, no Dubai this year but with £2.8 million next year pre Season world tour I think! ( you know that I am not going to let this go!).

Well  today my super 'new' bike arrives I am flipping excited about it and think that Mr Funky the chauffeur will have to check the tyres and all the other things that boys do when Lady's get new wheels. Woohoo there will be no stopping me now, this week Le Lady Laineyville, next Le Tour de Aycliffe

And I don't know why I am rushing to get this published because Dame Didi got a new bed yesterday and I doubt that she is out of it yet!

On a lighter note Job the Jolly was renamed yesterday when a lady called to speak to him asking for  Mr Jo Bling !!!!! Like he is ever going to live that down!!!

Until tomorrow

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Australian woes, fun in Barbados

Well the Australian cricket team debate rages on, everyone seems to have an opinion. Mickey Arthur has said that he wants the team to be 'The Manchester united' of cricket. Could he not have aimed higher??  He has been criticised for his actions, but he stood firm saying that he needed to up the standards of the team ( now why is this not happening in England ). I do personally think that the pride in playing for your country has gone out of a lot of sports and money is now the motivation.Just my thoughts.
  I think that in the years of McGrath and Gillespie they were the Man U of cricket!.

Over in the 2nd Test England have obviously been taking note of Lady Lainey's rantings with Compton scoring 100 and Trott 121, even KP managed 18 at close of play. more tomorrow on this as I have not had time to read the whole report due to all English reporters 'gushing' over how great England are. One innings does not a great team make.

In Barbados the Tykes were playing each other. I wondered if they lined up and were 'picked' by each chosen captain, like when we were at school! I would have picked His Royal Ryanness first!!!!.
So Team Rafiq ( The Royal Team!!) took on Team Lyth
Day one close of play was

Team Rafiq 268-5 dec ( HRR  15)

Team Lyth 133-3

Its on the Yorkshire CCC website if you want to keep up to date on what's happening over there.

In Sharjah Ireland have made the highest runs total with 589-7 declared, they were taking on  UAE in the Intercontinental Cup. Ed Joyce made 155  with  Niall O' Brien making 126. Joyce had been stranded over night on 99 but came back to finish a perfect innings.I will be keeping an eye on this match.


More snow last night  and drove home in pitch black and a blizzard, however today has dawned dry and bright and so flipping freezing that I am typing like a blinking mad thing to keep my hands warm.
There is a combination of frost and snow on the ground and driving condition may not be good.

So with the super crickety and weather news posted I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office and hopefully someone will have put on the heating and made the coffee ( fat chance!)

A Bientot.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Freezing cold Blighty, super hot Barbados

Well there were lots of pictures on Twitter of my Tykes on the plane to Barbados and there was one where Gillespie the Gallant looked a if he had no hair!!!!!!!! I am checking this one with a magnifying glass as it was a bit on the dark side.

news from the hotel is that the cabaret is terrible. Well you should have all been in bed with a book and a cup of Yorkshire tea!

I see on Twitter that FIGJAM has been mouthing off about the state of Australian cricket or #homeworkgate as it has become known. My thoughts on this. Keep your flipping trap shut KP. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Luckily Gillespie the Gallant had 'tweeted' that he hoped the team could put this to bed and move on. Perfect team talk. Lets see if they can.

News from the counties Sussex's Kirk Werners is considering taking a break form cricket to go wildfire fighting in his native South Africa. He has signed a deal that will keep him at Sussex until 2014 but  says that he is looking at these jobs as he may need to take a break for a year. In some ways I think that he is sensible as he is not pushing himself all year round to play cricket. Smart young man

Matt prior has been saying that the team need to 'forget' the Ashes and concentrate on what is going on in NZ. HMMMMM well if they are looking ahead to the summer already and not looking at how they are playing now I think we are in for a fall!


Well it is still flipping freezing and the snow has not all disappeared yet. We were on Amber warning for today, but I am not sure if that is still applying as I cannot find any thing now. So I am still in Hunters, thermals and 20 layers of clothing. And it is still cold enough to freeze the b**** of a brass monkey, and I srtill have to flipping well venture out in it!.

I am having a week off this week, in that I have the second series of 'Game of Thrones' on DVD so I am doping no work in the evening now as I am totally lost in a world of Lords and Ladies, Kings and Queens and sadly now no Sean Bean!!!

Oh well until tomorrow

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Woooooo were going to Barbados

Well strictly speaking I am not going to Barbados but I am with my Yorkshire boys on Twitter so it kind of counts! I have even got all the essential items ready for the 'trip' Whoops someone drank all the rum! ( Dame Didi I think).

The boys will be getting themselves acclimatised now that they are on their pre season jolly tour. They actually took more luggage than I, Lady Lainey normally take on my jollies. However there were over 11 of them and only 1 of me!!!!!!

So I will be firmly glued to Twitter to get the important results etc from the boys. Hope that they have all remembered their sunscreen, and I hope that none of them have got 'speedo's' I am actually feeling ill at the thought of it.
#COYT #strongunit.

And I know that Gillespie the Gallant and the boys will have a great tour.

I can honestly tell you that they thought of Barbados at the moment is a lot better than the thought of stepping outside of Tykes Towers and into the freezing Arctic waste that used to be known as Lady Laineyville!. No I sure am not looking forward to that.

Durham are apparently on the 'Final Countdown' for their 21st birthday celebrations. ( gosh I have been a member that long! since I was a baby!). The pictures on the website show them playing Rugby. Now forgive me for stating the obvious, but this might explain why they have been playing the most cr** cricket over the last few seasons!

Andy Flowers has been defending his team down in NZ against rumours that they are treating it as a holiday,most especially after there warm up defeat when members of the team went off on a 'canyon swing' Well I am with the doubters. After the loss of the game and with the 1st Test up and coming I think that they should have been in training. Flowers stated that he encouraged the team to do different things. My thinking? Maybe Flowers should be doing different things. Bring back Kevin Shine! we were a winning side when he was around!( even though a pedalo was somehow brought into the equation)
There have been many comments on the team and their performance but lets wait and see what happens next.

Australian Test team seems to be in a quandary. I  will do more background research before I comment. It was however due to breaching team protocol ( I don't think the England team know what protocol is !) However all I want to say is 'come on you boys you have to give the 'poms' a run for their money'. I still think that Australian are keeping the real team under wraps!! :-)

So I am keeping it short as snow is still falling here and I have to brave the polar ice cap other wise known as the A167!

have a warm and safe day and if you are  a Tyke in Barbados I am very envious!!

Monday, 11 March 2013

Snow better today!

When I woke up at 5.30m this morning I was convinced that I had slept in, it was so light outside, when I peeped out of the blinds I saw that we had more snow overnight hence the completer brightness outside. Why on a Monday? why on the day when super swanky Lady Lainey  office is sub zero.  Well I am going under the stairs to get the Hunters out and donning the thermals again. Jolly flipping cross as it is only a matter of weeks until the start of the cricket season and I sure ain't sitting out in temperatures of -5. Well I probably will!

Over in the cricket in Sharjah Scotland were again defeated by Afghanistan in the World Cricket League Championship, this is the second time in three days and means that they draw level with Scotland in second place on the league table. The two sides face each other again in Abu Dhabi at the three day  Intercontinental Cup which  runs from 12th- 15th March

Apparently there has been some 'bribing ' taking place in the England team, Cook and Anderson has told Finn that they would  each ship two cases of wine to his home. This was all to do with him going in as 'night watchman' It was a case if he made it to lunch and a case if he made it to tea. Now I wonder how the thought of cases of wine turning up at your home for playing good cricket ( which is why you were selected in the first place???) would fire you up and NOT the thought of playing for your COUNTRY  Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe they should get sponsored by some serious wine merchants or vineyards. Maybe they could spend their downtime talking to vineyards in NZ!! #justathought.

Also as I have been waiting for the 'breakdown' of Broad I am now 'shocked' to hear that good old FIGJAM could be out with a knee injury ( not from getting on them to grovel to his team mates last year I doubt!). Oh dear me is this going to impact on his 'other' commitments or will he sit out the remainder of the tour to get match fit for IPL???? Ever the cynic!


Flipping freezing, flipping snowy, flipping dismal and not looking better for the rest of the week. When the weather forecast says that the temperature is -2 but feels like -6 you know its going to be a rubbish week!!!

So Hunters, thermals, 20 layers on and 'the Michelin woman' is waddling off to get into Lady Lainey limo to try to get through to super swanky flipping freezing office.

If those boys haven't got in there will be BIG trouble!!!

Hope that you are warm where ever you are.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

It's only flipping snowing again...

What the Donald Duck is going on?????? It's flipping snowing and this means several things

  1.  I have to get into the under stairs cupboard to get my Hunters out!
  2. I cannot get any washing dried outside 
  3. I will probably fall flat on my rear end the minute that I set foot out side the door!
All of the above are a terrible inconvenience to me and so I have decided that I  am going to stay indoors all day ( therefore eliminating the need to bruise my behind and get under the stairs) and it's free listing on eBay so I am going to put more of my junk treasures on to see if I can raise a few groats for the pot.

However on to more important things now and briefly.

England batted through the day without any cause for alarm and managed to secure a draw.  The score card showed better that the first innings with the exception of super Tyke Joe Root who was run out for a duck. FIGJAM even managed 12 runs (well he doesn't want to over exert himself, IPL next).
Alastair Cook  has said that they need to shake off making a slow start in Test. Easier said then done, egos and motormouths seem to take over the thought of the game goes out of the window. 
Knuckle down and play properly!!.

After Damon Hill making his thought on LH known yesterday the wonderful Baron button has said that he is in the dark for how the season will go. Well I for one am cheering for the Baron and know that he will be on the podium a few times over the season.

Now onto the footy news

Birmingham  moved seven points above the relegation zone after a coming from a goal down to beat Derby 3-1.  Cousin Rt Hon hooligan Robbo was playing and managed to escape without a yellow card. Although 2 of his team mates were not so lucky. Jolly well played and nice to see Hooligan back on the field.

The Mighty Whites drew at Crystal Palace and are in action on Tuesday  against Peterborough.

The Blades had to be content with a 0-0 draw against MK Dons Jamie Murphy cam close as he tried to convert a Dave Kitson header, but to no avail. They are 3 points behind  Doncaster but still in automatic promotion place. OMG I will be sooo super bouncy excited if the Blades go up. Me and Sir Sean of Bean!!


OK it was snowing when I started this ramble, but now it has stopped  and the sun has come out which means that I may be able to go out after all. Thermals hoy!!!

Saturday, 9 March 2013

Sleep in Saturday

I have just had a wonderful lie in and feel so much better. I have been jolly flipping tired all week and I have no idea why?

I am off this morning for a change of my Saturday routine and instead of going to Lady Laineyville to do the shopping for the 'boys' lunches  I am going to see my friends  Sir Kevin and the lovely Lady Hazel.They are raising money to help under privileged children. A worthwhile cause and a chance to catch up with them too.

You may be wondering what the picture is all about. Well obviously it is Pink Hippo in his cricket sweater! But it is also my 'fascinator' which I may or may not wear for the wedding of cousin The great Gibson. Also this is the easiest way of letting Dame Didi see it.

So now down to New Zealand, where they declared  460-9 letting England in to bat again. And  where Nick Compton scored his first test century ( nearly his first test runs too!). About blinking time, the first innings wasn't a warm up!. Cook also hit 116 and then was bowled by Boult. Well lets see what tonight and tomorrow morning bring.

Other cricket news is that Warwickshire have signed young Scots batsman Freddie Coleman. so jolly good luck to him for the new season.

Wooohoo I checked in to F1 news and opened the page to a flipping fabby photo of the lovely Damon Hill. He has been saying that he believes that LH will be 'up against it' at Mercedes. 'Mercedes will be a surprise package if they are competitive' he said. Now this made me smile on all counts as I lurrvvesss Damon Hill and I am not too struck on LH!!

Not long now to see what will happen.!

Also big shout out to the lady Lainey footy teams today and hoping we get good scores.

This is a short one as I have to dash and do my bit for charity!

Friday, 8 March 2013

Yes its back, it's F(ryan)day

After our little soujourn last week in honour of Her Serene Highness's birthday,its back!!! and today is super bouncy happy F(ryan) day.
Yesterday in the Northern Echo ( WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF IT?) they had a picture of his Royal Ryanness on pg 60  ( it is now stuck on my office wall) . Dan Dan Cowboy draughtsman and Pony Paul did actually comment on the resemblance between His Royal Ryanness  and myself. I am hoping they are talking about the hair and not the whiskers!!!!!!!!

I dare not text Mr Funky for fear of another barrage of expletives. He was certainly not a happy bunny the other day. So will wait until Saturday to text when old tight wallet will be doing overtime probably.

So lets get back to the matters in hand. I went to bed at 9pm last night so that I could listen to TMS in bed, however by 10pm I turned 't'wireless' off and slipped away into the land of nod, dreaming that Ryan was still in the England squad and he was on a hat trick. Sadly woke up at 4.30am put the radio on and realised that it had never happened!. What a way to start Friday!!

The truth is less pretty! New Zealand were 402-7, with Hamish Rutherford giving a masterclass in how to take 77 and turn it into 171! The seventh highest score in a Test Match début  So jolly well done to him. Bad light ended play just before tea. England's bowling attack was really down to Broad and  Anderson although Panesar ( who I personally do not rate) did take a wicket. So where have England gone wrong?
 I think only one word can sum this up HUBRIS.

I really want England to do well, but until they play as a 'proper' team and not as part team part 'over inflated ego' it is never going to happen. Come on boys do us proud and play proper cricket.

OK so now lets zip over to the footy news for the weekend.

Birmingham are home to Derby and lets hope that cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo is not on the bench again this week.

The Mighty Whites are off down to Crystal Palace

The Blades are taking on MK Dons ( Wimbledon as they used to be known) at Bramall Lane

Lets see if the footy boys can do better than the cricketers.

So what plans for the weekend, well I am totally shattered this week and so I am going to sleep, sleep and sleep some more. Please do not ( DAME DIDI) expect blog up at 6.50 -7.00am the next 2 days. I am having a lie in.


OMG it is frosty, flipping freezing and damp. So suggestions today are stay in doors,if like me you have an orange afro, it will be an orange frizz ball within 0.2 seconds of setting foot outdoors. Thermals are still 'de rigueur' ( and will be until July at this blinking rate). also not a clothes drying day!. The s**w word has also be mentioned, just as I had put the flipping Hunters away (again)

Oh well off to rev up the Lady Lainey limo and head off to super swanky Lady :Lainey office. Today I have packed up my 'corn flakes' in an Asda bag!!! and I am smiling!!

Thursday, 7 March 2013


Woohoo We're all Vikings Aren't we!. Well we are now for all further Yorkshire one day matches. We are now Yorkshire Vikings. The new name was unveiled yesterday morning in York ( where else?). And so now we will be out marauding and pillaging up and down the cricket counties. Durham Dinosaurs  Dynamo's had better watch out when the Norsemen come to town.

The new name gets it's first look out, on the Barbados tour when they take on Hampshire Royals on March 16 at Kennington Oval, Bridgetown. And as that date would have been the wedding anniversary of His Royal Gorgeousness and Her Serene Highness, I predict that the Vikings will win.

I was so excited that I text Mr Funky the Chauffeur to impart the good news. However I had forgotten one important thing.

LADY LAINEY . Woohooo we are all Vikings Mr Funky

MR FUNKY  what the Donald Duck*  are you on woman!

LADY LAINEY   weeeheee Yorkshire have a new name for one day cricket

MR FUNKY    You think I flipping* well care

LADY LAINEY   well aren't you a barrel of laughs today!!!!!

MR FUNKY  I am on chuffing* nightshift  and you have woken me up you silly sausage*

LADY LAINEY  No need to be rude and sorry and you should have turned your flipping*,chuffing*,bally* phone off!!!!!

 *  alternative words inserted to protect readers minds!!!!

Probably best to keep the language clean now, EVEN though over in NZ England collapsed to 167 all out!!! Well I really do not know what to say ( and I don't think that you believe that for a moment). Opening batsman out for 10, Compton a duck ( again!) as was FIGJAM, even my favourite Tyke Joe Root could only manage 4.
New Zealand are currently (6.38am UK time) 131 without loss.

Lets move rapidly on.....................


It is cold, foggy, damp and flipping awful outside. The weather forecast is that it will remain overcast for the rest of the day. So thermals on, trousers for ladies and gentlemen. It's March, its nearly Spring, please bring back some 'weak' sunshine.

So as I pack up my porridge in my Tesco bag ( was that not a war time song? or something similar). I head off to the icy wastes of super swanky Lady Lainey office, safe in the knowledge that there is no chuffing chance that my coffee will be made for me!

Oh well a Lady's work is never done

Wednesday, 6 March 2013

29 days to go......................

Any excuse!!!

................until the start of the cricket season for I Lady Lainey. I really am now super bouncy excited and can hardly contain myself. Not long until I am getting out my Box Brownie to continue my collection of photographic works entitled 'Cricketers Posteriers'. Oh happy days!!!

Mr Funky the chauffeur had better get his chuffing act together too, I do not want any of this 'it'll be OK if we get there at 12' nonsense!. I like to be there at 10.00am to get settled. Have first of many cups of coffee ( explanation for bounciness???), read the paper, do the crossword and be ready for start of play.

I can hardly believe where the time has gone since the cold and  wet day at Scarbella, when I saw my beloved Yorkshire play for the last time, last season. Flipping heck I have been home to France ( drink fuelled), back to Blighty ( temperance time), had super birthday bash on Concorde  ( champers ahoy)and Christmas  ( more champers)and of course WORK (gallons of coffee)!!!. Yes that's where the time has gone.

So here is to sun filled days, ( flipping hopeful), and I Lady Lainey reclining in my usual position! ( at The Riverside Ground) and now that I have forked out huge lump of dosh for 5 year membership  at former besty home county of Durham,I think that they should put my blinking name on the seat.  Or get me a new one, this one would be 'just right!'

So lets get down to super crickety stuff.  Blimey O'Riley would you 'Adam and Eve' it now Swann is ruled out of the team and is set to have surgery for an elbow injury. This however is a long standing problem, so I ask the obvious flipping question, what was he doing in the team? James Treadwell is flying out to New Zealand to cover. ( Is there no one out there already?)
 Now I have got my tiara in a tizzy here. I cannot get my orange afro round why they are taking players out that they know have 'long standing' problems and at some point are obviously going to 'breakdown'. Next on the list Broad's heel will kick up again and he will be sent home. KP will damage his back trying to pick his wallet up and Bell will crack his over inflated head as he enters the building. #onlysaying

However as far as the 1st Test goes it was washed out by rain on day one. Sounds like summer in Blighty.

Whoop di flipping dooo, I have just seen that Worcestershire have signed Lady Lainey's favourite New Zealand cricketer for the T20 series. They have only gone and got Jacob Oram so that Lady Lainey  can ogle  him observe his bowling action. YEAHHHHHH!!!!

And finally Michael Vaughan has  been stoking the firing against the Australians by quipping 'What do you call a great Aussie cricketer' ANSWER  'Retired'. NOT CRICKET AND NOT FUNNY!!!!  and more to the point you know  that even now if they brought back a team with Ponting, McGrath, Gillespie and co our 'boys' wouldn't stand a chance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Frosty this morning here in the North Eat of Blighty, no fog, but flipping cold. Thermals on!

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Can't see out of the window!!!!

I opened the blinds this morning and couldn't even see 2 inches in front of me so this morning we are having an early


It's foggy, and its also frosty and its also flipping freezing and I for one am ready to dive back under the duvet, so see you tomorrow. Oh shoot I can't I have to go to super swanky Lady Lainey office. And it will be freezing there too. Apparently fog will clear later ( when is later?) and there may be some weak sunshine ( is there ever anything else?). More fog and frost predicted for this evening ( that means they haven't got a clue?), So I suggest you go out with care this morning and see how the day unfolds!

Over in the crazy world of cricket.Scotland were beaten by Afghanistan in the T20 in Sharjah. Scotland scored 139 in their 20 overs but Afghanistan passed this with the loss of only 3 wickets.

Australia were also in for a good thrashing by India. They became the first team in history to declare in their first innings and then lose by an innings!. However I myself, think that this is a ploy to lull England into a false sense of security, but I say,no need to try they, do that themselves, resting on their laurels and all that!

The drugs trains races on and questions are still being asked about the use of recreational drugs in cricket. Sadly Tom Maynard was not an isolated case. I had said that I would not be returning to this subject but as we all know this is not going to go away and will probably get bigger.

Apparently Geoff Boycott has bought  a £1.7 million Georgian mansion which is 20 miles form where he grew up. The house is Grade II listed and boasts 6 bedrooms, 5 reception rooms and large garden. Not bad for someone who can literally bore you to sleep on Test Match Special with his monotone ramblings.

Nassar Hussein has issued England with a warning  ahead of the 1st Test.' Beware of the underdogs'! well I think that we know how that went in the warm up match.

And finally good news that The Queen is back home in Buck House and back at work. She was discharged from hospital yesterday and went straight back to work.Now that is a great example from a lady who is still working aged 86.

So with that I think that I had better get on and head off to work. I hope the boys have put my heater on as I am not a 'happy bunny' if I am cold.

Monday, 4 March 2013

New working week................

OMG its Monday again, I feel as if I blink and the weekend is over. Next weekend I am turning off my mobile phone too as yesterday afternoon as I laid down to have my 'nap' my phone must have 'beeped' about 20 times. Now before you think that I am really popular, let me just say, I had missed a call on my landline and the person left a message and then phoned me 5 times on my mobile and then sent texts. This was not an important call, just someone stealing my time, and believe me my time disappears very quickly on a weekend without someone helping it.
So next weekend MOBILE IS OFF!

So what else has been happening in the world.
Well Her Majesty the Queen was taken into hospital, and I hope that she feels better than I did when I was poorly.She apparently worked until the last possible minute before going into hospital and refused to go in an ambulance! They say that it is just a precaution. So hope that she is back on her feet soon.

Over in Australia , they have 'fast tracked' the citizenship of a Pakistani bowler, he must be their secret weapon in the Ashes war. ( funny how they didn't fast track cousin Sir Steve of Wilko, but he couldn't bowl, and I think Dame Didi you know the rest of that, it start with and wouldn't w...)

Andy Flowers England coach has said that they need to be sharper ahead of the 1st test. especially after their defeat in the warm up match. They also appear to be sticking with Compton to open with Cook ( a good decision?) my guess is they will drop Root too!!!

In F1 it looks like Rosberg is up to challenge LH,  he completely trounced his new team mates  time in the final testing session prior to the Australian Grand Prix. Go Nico!!!

Yesterday saw services around the UK for the men of the RAF, it is 95 years since the creation of the Royal Airforce which merged  The Royal Flying Corps and The Royal Naval Air Service.As we have family links with the RAF I felt that it was only fitting to mention this today.


Thermals on , it might be dry and bright out there, but it is flipping freezing. NOTE TO not put recycling out at 6am in your dressing gown. I am still trying to thaw out now.
Not a good drying day, so tumble dryers a must.

Until tomorrow.........

Sunday, 3 March 2013

'Oh what a beautiful morning'

Yes believe it or not here in Tykes Towers in the heart of Lady Laineyville it is a glorious morning  it is dry ( I have washing out), it is quiet ( the neighbours have not yet surfaced) and the birdies are singing their little hearts out. I am about to venture forth to see Countess Christine McNally as it is her birthday today, and she will be 21 (again).

I woke up this morning to the singing of the blackbirds, there are two that frequent the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers. She is the boss and he does as he is told, they often have 'domestics' on the lawn but he soon comes round to her way of thinking!!! So funny to watch them

Well lets get onto the most important news

Leeds beat Milwall 1-0

Birmingham took a bit of a battering at  Hull, 5-2 with Hull pulling themselves up to nearly the top of the championship table. The famous number 30 for Brum was on the bench!!. Come on Hooligan get back out there!

The Blades were away at Oldham and trounced them 2-0, this see's them maintaining their automatic promulgation place. Goals came in the second half from Doyle and Kitson. Oldham has opportunities were unable to convert them. It was a scrappy match by all accounts and six yellow cards were handed out 3 a piece. Kitson and Doyle being recipients as well as McDonald.

Come on boys keep it clean!

Nothing newsworthy to report in cricket circles everyone is just waiting for Wednesday!

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were in the Swiss Alps at a wedding yesterday and very lovely the Duchess looked too.

On this day

3rd March

Countess Christine also share her birthday with

1958 Miranda Richardson born (fantastic actress)

1977 Ronan Keating

1982 Jessica Biel  (actress, especially good in 'Easy Virtue')

Oh well, best hot foot it round to to the Countess's castle and get loved to death by the Royal Hounds.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Tired Lady Lazy!

I am a very tired Lady Lazy  Lainey today and I have no idea why. Sat down last night to watch a film starring Wesley Snipes, woke up at 1.00am on the sofa with a stiff neck and the TV playing to itself. Went to bed and woke up about 10 mins ago!! So I am now draining my first gallon of coffee as I type this.

So on to more interesting things.........................................

OMG the papers didn't see this coming, after babbling about England being so good, blah blah blah, England were beaten by NZ in the warm up match. To say  that NZ were good is an understatement . They made 334-7 in their second innings. They won with 8 balls to spare. That's cricket!!. The picture with the match report on BBC website, shows Cook scratching his head and KP walking alongside with a look on his face as if he is saying 'Never mind there is still IPL!'

So as the 1st test approaches, England need to regroup and drop the 'cocky' attitude.

I am now about to digress, I have spoken about Compton CC in Los Angeles, which is a cricket team with a difference. It was made up of homeless men and then included former gang members and more. They have a great view of the game and an amazing sense of pride. ( something over flowing in England players but sadly only in themselves for team and country). So I thought that I would post 'The Sacred Etiquette of Cricket' as shown on the Compton CC website

The Sacred Etiquette of Cricket

  "This or that, is or is not Cricket"
While all aspects of what is or is not Cricket won’t be covered here, the items listed below will present a general attitude of the nature of Cricket play.
  • Arguing with the umpire – is not Cricket
  • Obeying the orders or suggestions of the Captain – Is Cricket
  • Acknowledging and encouraging the good play of other players, especially the opposing side, even congratulating them on plays done well or “well played” – Is Cricket
  • Foul language – Not Cricket
  • Honesty – Is Cricket
  • Negatively sledging players, especially batsmen or bowlers – Not Cricket
  • Congratulating the winners and losers – Is Cricket
  • Teams greeting each other before and after matches – Is Cricket
  • Sharing tea-lunch-half inning breaks with opposing teams – Is Cricket
  • Batsmen slamming gear upon returning from pitch – Is not Cricket
  • Batmen carrying or displaying the bat incorrectly – Is not Cricket
  • Arranging gear neatly on the ground and placing it properly back into carrying bags – Is Cricket

I could quite easily put along side the 'not cricket' sections names of players who represent or have represented their countries but won't, as I think that you will all be able to work it out yourselves.

However I think that these rules are brilliant and should be applied here...................'What they are?' ......

Over at former Besty home team of Durham. Head coach Geoff Cook has ruled out new signings for the season, as he is going to make a comeback, yes him and Alan Walker and JJ Lewis, are coming back to show the boys how it is done!
. NO I am joking but I bet that got you all going. He is going to bring on some of the 2nd XI and lovely polite young chap Jamie Harrison has been mentioned. Well lets see.

Chris Gayle may be drafted in to play T20 for Leicestershire, which should brighten up my T20 watching.

And Adam Wheater has bought himself out of his Essex contract to join former besty home county in the south ( until they beat Yorkshire in the T20  final last year)  Hampshire.

Gorgeous and sunny, yes it really is, but there is thick frost and it is freezing cold. So thermals on until at least lunchtime. Don't hang your washing out yet it will be stiff as a board in 2 minutes.
Well going to walk to Lady Laineyville, do the shopping for the 'boys' mooch around the shops, and then 'pop' into the church coffee morning. So I had better get a wriggle on.

And finally

sorry this is late Dame Didi