Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Lady Lainey's review of 2013

Well its flipping early here  on the last day of the year and I have been very busy at it......................'at it' being putting together my review of 2013.

So here it is


Started with us saying  very sad and tearful farewell to 'Grandma Jean' who had passed away on Christmas Day 2012. We also had snow and freezing conditions. In sport the greatest drugs cheat ever was unmasked. Yes lance Armstrong was named as a big fat fibber!


Saw some semblance of normality return to LT Towers II ( whatever normal is!). I was feeling a little poorly for a couple of weeks but put it down to the weather and started to look forward to the cricket season. I also gave up chocolate for Lent. ( because I was really going to go with out choccy for 40 days!!!). and we had more snow, so the Hunters were out again.


Saw my beloved Yorkshire take on a new name for their one day matches. we all became   ' Yorkshire Vikings'. we also had Easter at the end of the month, which meant that I Lady Lainey could once again eat ( my body weight) in chocolate Phewww!!!!

http://ladylainey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/tales-from-fence.html  gives a full round up of the 2013 cricket season Lady Lainey style!
We were finally approaching the cricket season so all things in LT Towers II took a back seat as preparations began ( flask washing etc). Yorkshire posted a picture on their website of the boys in the dressing room. Who was that lurking in the corner in a pair of purple undies?????? Yes it was his Royal Ryanness and I can tell you that picture made me smile.
We also had a super huge family wedding when cousin The Great Gibson got married to the lovely Diane., even though I was once again stuck down by a mystery virus I managed to get 'tarted' up and party on down!!!.


The start of the month  I was still not feeling too well with the lurgy which would rear its ugly head again before the end of the cricket season.. His Royal Ryanness was injured but made a full recovery  and returned to the squad before the end of the month. *huge sigh of relief*
There was also an auction of books belonging to my friend Bruce Ritchie who passed away last October. These books were  either very rare or first editions  and made nearly £250,000
Mr Funky the Chauffeur was 50 ( how flipping old???)


was cold wet and miserable and saw I Lady Lainey taking to my chaise longue to watch all the series of '24'. yes I was teetering on the brink of Jack Bauer land ( not quite as mad as Lady Lainey la la land).
I also managed to add another picture to my yet unpublished book ' Cricketers Posteriors' when Lancashire came to Chester Le Street. Oliver Newby was a delight to photograph ( and he didn't even know!)
Durham Police K9 division put on a display the cricket which was wonderful .
And cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo was made Captain of Brimingham City FC!!!!!!


Lady Lainey's blogspot celebrated it's 1st birthday. Would you flipping well 'Adam and Eve' it! one whole year of total nonsense ramblings!.
Dame Did and I went off to Oxford for the Memorial Service of our Uncle Joe Robinson and met up with cousin  'Darn Sarf' Robbo and the lovely Sandra. Scorchio did not even come close to describing the temperature  that day!.
My Yorkshire Vikings were 'T20'ing at Chester le Street and that was a 'Ryantastic' evening for me . Not so Mr Funky and Pauly Paul!!.
Count Chriostophe turned 18 and really did become Lord Christophe!
And Prince George of Cambridge was born, I love babies!


I Lady Lainey took off back south to former home of London to celebrate the birthday of Comtessa Cruse. Whilst there I managed to spend time with besty friends Zemina and Gary. and then with besty ex Hants bowler friend, Martin Jean- Jacques, where I once again lost track of time whilst stuffing my face on amazing Lebanese food. Fantastic!
I also got very poorly , very quickly with the virus again , lots of high temperatures and heart palpitations and feeling less than Lady Like, I had to get well flipping quickly as the end of August saw me at Scarborough ( Scarbados to us up north!) for the cricket festival which this year was Durham V my Tykes . Its all in here http://ladylainey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/tales-from-fence.html
This turned out to be the best three days I have had in a long time and I made new friends, and photographed cricketers posteriors and laughed A LOT!!!!


Woohoo me and the Dame went home to La Belle France to Chateau Didi Deux. A week of fromage guzzling, Gros Plant swilling  and being interrupted by my phone going into melt down as Durham won the County Championship.
Also a week of getting into mad scrapes, having jolly japes and being totally mad! ( no change there then!)
Then back home to starting a 'cricket seasons' worth of house work and nothing to do on weekends!!!!!


Saw me lose my voice and any of you that know me will know that this is a complete disaster. Flipping heck how on earth would I manage in Super swanky Lady Lainey office with no voice. The boys had a very quiet 10 days.
The rest of October was dull and boring as there was no cricket.And it was cold!!


Yeay!!!! it was the month of the birthday of I Lady Lainey and this year Dame Didi and I went to Durham to see 'Lumiere'. the lighting up of the city, we also met Police dogs Louis and Frank, gorgeous little chaps they were.
We had our 'hip flasks' of 'Moutngay' rum stashed on our persons in case we got too cold! ( well our excuse for lugging round bottles of rum)
Michael Carberry was named in the Ashes squad.And the Test series began.


started with the sudden death of 'Grandad' Derek which floored everyone. Christmas celebrations were put on a back burner Although Dame Didi and I did still go for our Christmas sleep over in Sheffield, luckily we had told 'Pere Noel' where we were so we got stocking s and pressies!.
England lost the Ashes and were totally 'pants'
We also attended the funeral to say farewell to Derek. A very sad day.
And now as we are on the brink of 2014. I am donning my besty tiara, fluffing my curls and raising a glass of champagne to you all and wishing you a happy and prosperous New Year.

With love from

Lady lainey

Monday, 30 December 2013

Monday 30th January

So today we are going to say our final goodbyes to Grandad Derek, who very sadly passed away just just before Christmas.. And although we are all still in shock at the suddenness, we know that he is happy now with Grandma Jean.
It is a wild and windy day today with the weather not expected to get any better, so it will be a rough ride over the A66 this morning.

Other shock news came in late last night that Michael Schumacher is in a critical condition in Grenoble. He hit his head on a rock after a skiing fall in the resort of Meribel. He was reported to have walked away from the incident but then things took a turn for the worse.
He is said to be in a coma following emergency brain surgery yesterday.
He remains in a critical condition.

In cricket good news for Jacques Kallis who in his final test, hit  over his century and took his place in history as the third highest runmaker with 13,289, one run ahead of Rahul Dravid. Pretty good going and a fantastic way to bow out although there is still another innings!!!!

However in the England camp Andy Flower says that he is 'motivated' to continue as the England coach.................hmmmm well maybe he can pass a bit of that 'motivation' onto the flipping team, as they seem to be lacking in it!.
He has also said that he is backing Cook as captain and to be honest I am with him in that point. Although Bell does seem to think that he is in charge most of the time!.

He also praised Swann in his England career but did say that he would have liked him to have seen the tour out! Well too late now!

However Swann is still capitalising on the whole debacle as it is reported that he is planning a book to reveal all about his retirement! Well he would wouldn't he? #cashtillsringing

Well Birmingham City and The Blades were both winners yesterday however the Mighty Whites let my trio down by losing. Come on boys!!!

So I am keeping this short as I have to set off  over to the North Yorkshire coast, and its not too great out there.
Dame Didi make sure you have the kettle!

Sunday, 29 December 2013

It's Sunday

and as the picture shows, what a load of 'balls'!!!!!

'WHY???' I hear you all shouting ( hahaha I am laughing as I type this as anyone reading this will know why).

Well lets start at the beginning....................

.................. went out to party with Babs and Tezza, but was feeling a little under the weather. By the time I had done 'The Timewarp', 'The funky Chicken', 'The Macarena' and many other stupid dances, I was feeling so hot that I thought I was going to catch fire!!!
Then I went freezing cold! then hot, then my nose started to run like a tap and I had a banging headache. ( nothing to do with drink). I came home early, poorly!!!! What a load of balls, I had been looking forward to partying all night!...........................

............................so because I was home early I watched the 'lowlights' of yesterday mornings cricket. Shocking, shabby and sh**e! What more can I say! I then trundled up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire but put the radio on and listened to the complete humiliation of England.

In a nutshell. Australia won!

In a bigger nutshell  Australia won by 8 wickets!

In summing up this 4-0 trouncing by Australia, I have to be kind for once to Monty Panesar who did take Chris Rogers wicket but not before he had put on 116 runs.
Where do England go from here, well I suggest the airport to come home, and get into some proper training. To be honest I think that I could have done better in my 'killer heels' after having a few 'Cockspur'Golden Rums. Yes I know that I am being unkind as there were some valiant efforts  by members of the team. But to be honest even the Captain looks as if he has had enough!

Lets take the team apart and start again, its got to be the only way to move forward to a winning formula.
Bell out for a duck, sums up the fact that England are playing inconsistantly. Michael Carberry, whom 'I luurrvvees' , is a great county player but somehow has not transferred his 'bossy and aggressive' style to Test cricket. KP  still plays for himself and Joe Root has not shown any of the form from last year.

And the bandwagon rolls onto Sydney, for New Year celebrations and then the 5th and final test on 3rd January. 5-0 is looking like it may happen!

A good bit of cricket was played by Jacques Kallis who is on the verge of retirement, he hit an unbeaten 78 yesterday and I think that there are a lot of people hoping that he hits a century in his last test.

I am up and about extra early so that I can take some cold and flu capsules and then retire back to my bed,which is soon to be replaced by the super none squeaky bed which I have been waiting to be delivered. ( delivery Tuesday!!!).
So off to fill my hot water bottle. And by the time some of you are reading this in bed, I will be back in mine too!

Saturday, 28 December 2013

Hmmmmm what can I write about today!!!

Oh the 'good old days' when people still had outside toilets ( obviously not quite as outside as the one in the picture), a fish and chip supper did not need you to re mortgage your house, exotic summer holidays were to somewhere that involved a 1+ hours bus/car ride. England had a really good cricket team!

Yes, yes, yes, I know that England can still win this test match if their bowling is better than their batting!, but to be honest I do not think that there is anyone out there who can seriously say that England played well over night!.

Lady Lainey and Dame Didi's favourite , Michael Carberry made watching paint dry far more interesting than his batting after being stuck for 36 balls on 1 run!.
 Joey Root gambled on a single and was out. Bell swaggered in to bat and was out for a 'Golden duck' and  back in his chair in the pavilion before even getting a sweat on !
KP was still in batting slowly  with Stokes who was looking good until he took on Lyon and gave Steve Smith a great catch.
After that Bairstow came in and looked as if he was going to up the score single handedly  but he fell foul of Johnson, now the nemesis of most of the England team!

After that the collapse was inevitable and England folded on 179.

The Australians came back to bat and put on 30 before close of play needing 201 to win.

England need their bowlers to step up to the mark if we are going to salvage anything out of this tour. I am backing Bresnan to make some head way. Well I would wouldn't I!!!!

Well strange things going on in Scotland as they announce that Paul Collingwood is to jointly lead the coaching  team into the World Cup next year in New Zealand. Collingwood has been in the assistant coach role over the last few months.

So yesterday went off to 'chubby club' and was relieved to find that I had 'only' put on 3lb. Well I think that is super flipping fantastic considering that on Christmas Eve alone I ate two flipping massive meals and drank more wine and champers than you can shake a stick at! Christmas Day wasn't much better with my 10 course breakfast ( any more black pudding?). So I now go into New Years week looking for a fantastic weight loss.

Well after I have been 'partying' tonight. I woke up this morning to a message on my phone asking me if I would like to attend a party ce soir. Flipping heck, I, Lady Lainey and parties are 'besty friends'. So I am sorting out my besty frock, shoes and tiara and come 7pm I will be shaking everything that I have got, and believe me at the moment that is a lot of shaking!!!

Hopefully I will be felling fresh as a daisy in the morning to be able to recount the events.

And we all know that this is not going to happen and I will be horribly hungover!

Friday, 27 December 2013

OMG the last F(ryan)day of 2013

Would you 'Adam and Eve' it!!! it is the last F(ryan)day of 2013!!!! This time next week we will be settling into 2014 and the cricket season will be closer!! Even the thought of cricket is making this cold and seriously windswept morning much better all ready.

Yes here in LT Towers II we are battening down the hatches as after a couple of days of jolly decent weather we are about to be lashed by storms again, and I had just managed to get my orange curls into some form of order too!!! However some people have been having it really bad, no heating, no lighting all over Christmas. I really hope that this all gets sorted out for them soon. However it won't bring back Christmas for them.

So yesterday big sis Dame Didi set off back  to Chateau Didi in the North riding of Yorkshire, to prepare for the invasion of the monster children nephews.And it was thick fog here and so frosty that it looked as if it had snowed. However this was only in Lady Laineyville, everywhere else was OK as Dame Didi later reported. Crazy weather

I meanwhile trip trapped down to Tesco, as I

1. Needed to get some fresh air

2.Needed to see if there were any  bargains

3. Needed some milk

4. Need to get a life!!!

And then came back to nap on the sofa in preparation of my 'all nighter' for the cricket.

Well the Australians took the remainder of England out , they put on 29 more runs but  were back in the pavilion in less than an hour. Johnson once again making his mark as he bowled his way through the England team

However England are staging a comeback of sorts at the MCG Anderson and Broad taking 3 wickets a piece and Top Tyke Timmy Bresnan taking two!!! ( flipping brilliant). Stokes took one whilst Panesar is still waiting to strike! ( I am not saying anything as my views on his inclusion are well documented).
The bowling was the best of the series and  reduced Australian to 164-9 . Brad Haddens and Chris Rogers showing the best batting.

Flipping heck even Geoff Boycott seemed to be supporting England again! However talk of a 5-0 whitewash being averted are a tad previous I think. Lets see what happens later.

Sad news that Jacques Kallis is to retire from  Test and First class cricket after the Test which is happening now. The 38year old is South Africa's highest Test runscorer and the fourth highest in test history. He is a great character whom I have seen play and will be missed.

Sadly the Swann saga continues as he 'attacks'  journalists. Hmmm People in glass houses.....

And so on this wild windy morning, as I prepare to go and step on the scales at 'chubby club' to see what damage I have done to my 'Sponsored slim' ( all money raised goes to 'Talking steps Project' a charity set up to help all victims of domestic violence). I hope that you are all safe and warm.  And if you are still in bed...........flipping heck Daddy Rushworth get up!!!

Thursday, 26 December 2013

And that's it until next year!

Yes its all over now until next year...................and I will soon be getting started with the shopping so that I can have it all done by July and then sit back and watch everyone else run around like headless chickens. yes I love Christmas but I hate the hype, price hikes and general overkill. So getting it done early is very appealing to me.

I had a wonderful Christmas with my sister Dame Didi at the Copthorne hotel Sheffield, whose staff have to be the most friendly and courteous I have ever met.Nothing was too much trouble and everything that we needed was catered for ( except Sir Sean of Bean!!)

I was totally overwhelmed by all  my wonderful Christmas  pressies and know that I have been a very lucky Lady. Top of my pressie list was my brand spanking new black matt DAB digital  radio. I also got new boots ( because I really needed a new pair!) and favourite, fabulous smellies from the south of La Belle France, and clothes and kitchen goodies and...........................I could fill this blog and tomorrows with all the wonderful things that I received but I think that by that time you may be bored.

Well Dame Didi also has a jolly stinking cold and has soldiered on even though she has been feeling tres poorly. I have been the besty 'nurse' administering cold and flu remedy and making sure that she is warm/cool depending on her temperature. Hope that she is better before the New Year.

So last night I went off to bed with my new radio, but was so tired that I decided not to listen to the test. Australia won the toss and decided to field. England had not named the team until the last minute  and had added Bairstow and Panesar to the team.  England are currently 226-6 which I would say is not too bad. KP on  67. The scorecard is not really worth going through!!!

Still the 'Swann' thing goes on with certain papers saying that his 'retirement' was  a indulgent, opportunistic and totally selfish surrender'. And we all thought that he was leaving because he was tired of the bandwagon!

No chance he is about to jump onto a more lucrative vehicle!

Today sees footy action up and down the country with

Birmingham travelling to Wigan ( Cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo hopefully on his best behaviour)

The Mighty Whites are away to Blackpool ( chance to have candy floss and fish and chips before they come home?)


The Blades are home to Oldham. I know this is true as I was looking at the signs when I was at The Copthorne which is only flipping well attached to Bramall Lane ( which is why it is the besty hotel in the world).

I hope that you all got what you wanted for Xmas, I know that some of us would like a quiet Boxing Day but squeaky toys will be making an appearance again today and probably driving us wild, however remember your best furry friend loves it!

Have a peaceful and restful Boxing Day

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Merry Christmas Everybody

Woohoo its flipping Christmas and I for one have been awake since like really early!!!!

Now I am blinking shattered and ready for a nap.

Dame Didi however is not too well she has got a streaming cold and is not too full of the Christmas spirit ( although I am sure that if I offer her a hot toddy she would perk up).

So yesterday we arrived in Sheffield and I had my second bath this year, which was wonderful, I will be having my 3rd bath as soon as I have finished  this!!!!.

We had lunch at the wonderful 'Smoke BBQ' which was so good we asked if they were open today!!!!'

We had a wander around the shops and then last night had the most amazing dinner at the Hotel.

So what has been happening elsewhere.

Well the cricket is hotting up in more ways than one. Namely the Swann saga continues' With KP also coming into the arena. Surely KP not up his own behind! REALLY!!!!

I also would like to suggest that for the remainder of the tour Captain Cook is the only one who makes any statements  as it seems that everytime a member of the team talks to the press they put their foot in it.

Well it is a short one as there is lots to do and we have just been having a bit of a cry watching the  soldiers celebrating Christmas in Camp Bastion.

Merry Christmas to everyone.

And even if you are a Christmas grump I hope you have a wonderful christmas

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Sheffield here we come!!!

Well it was all stations go yesterday in LT Towers II, as the  excitement was mounting in preparation for the imminent arrival of Pere Noel. Pink Hippo and Teddy Forj got their Xmas hats on and the house got a very thorough cleaning, also lots of 'peeps' passing through with gifts and cards.

Not that I will be in 'The Towers' because I am off to Sheffield to have lots of fun and champagne swilling with besty sister  Dame Didi. Yes we are off to Bramall Lane in about 3 hours!!!!! I am so super excited that I have hardly slept. Well actually the flipping weather has kept me awake most of the night, with lashing rain and howling wind. However once I have twirled my curls and put a bit of slap on you will never be able to tell that I have had about 4 hours sleep.

Talking of sisters, eldest sister Tzarina Katerina  is, as we speak in the Arctic Circle. Yes indeedy. However the other night she missed the Northern Lights by 5 minutes!!!! We are still awaiting news of the sled ride ( they will have to be some powerful huskies!). However wishing her a Happy Birthday for today and hope the she has a great time in the real icy wastes of the North.

Over in Australia things are hotting up ahead of the Boxing Day test. England have called up Scott Borthwick from Champions of the world Durham.  So it looks like his turkey and Christmas pudding will have to wait. James Tredwell from Kent was also on the plane down under.

To be honest this test is the time for England to put themselves back into order. This is where the new England team needs to start to take shape. This is their chance to start to whittle down and fine tune a new and younger team. This is where I should have been appointed to give the team talks.

The Graeme Swann saga continues and to be honest he has left cricket  for good, leaving a trail of damning comments in his wake not really sportsman like, methinks!

So it is time to get ready and head of in the Dame Didi Daimler to 'sunny' Sheffield, Where I will not be going on the 'Sheffield Eye'!!!! ( too blinking scaredy last time) but will be joining in with any carol singers that I can find. And of course I will be partaking in a dash of Christmas Spirit ( probably Captain Morgans Golden Rum!!).

I wish you all a great Christmas Eve and to those of you who are still running around getting xmas pressies.........................you should have started earlier!!!!!!

Monday, 23 December 2013

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!!

Yes indeedy doody it is, even my 'cricketer boys' aka 'Legs XI' ( even though there are only four of them!) are getting into the spirit of all things Christmassy.

I am sure that once I am safely ensconced in the Copthorne at Sheffield  tomorrow then I, Lady Lainey will start to feel like Christmas is really here!
I was busy yesterday getting soaked to the skin on three separate occasions and will be very surprised if I don't get a stinking cold between now and New Year. Oh well what flipping better excuse to have a few hot toddy's????!!!!!

Oh blinking blimey!!! Graeme Swann been at it again, on Twitter this time, saying some players are 'up their own backsides'. He then tweeted Michael Vaughan (???) to say he was not referring to any England players ( yeah right!!! there are two that I could think of instantly in the England dressing room). Why can't he bow out gracefully instead of leaving a trail of social media 'gaffs' behind.

In my book this isn't doing him any favours!. It makes him look like a sore loser and sometimes keeping silent is the best way.#ladylaineysadviceoftheday

I also think that his decision to go 'just like that' will have a negative impact on the team that are left behind. They are now 2 crew down.

The oracle that is Geoff Boycott, has stated that we need Monty Panesar back in the team. Well he hardly set the field alight in his last outing and to be honest, we need him as much as bouncers in Brighton do!!!

Further news from Dave Newman on the World record cricket net attempt. they have now gone global!!!

They have been given a huge write up by Cricketworld which you can read at http://www.cricketworld.com/world-record-cricket-net-attempt/

The boys are fundraising like mad for Brain Tumour Research, and have even  had donations  from 'Santa' who has been doing the rounds early in Lincolnshire!
They are holding pub quizzes in the local area, so why not  drop in have a pint and donate some money for a great cause.

If I was local I would drop in to add glamour to the occasion ( except if it was raining when I would have an orange afro, not a good look ever!!!!).

And as it is still pitch black outside and I don't have to go to super swanky Lady Lainey office, I think that I will sign off and head off back to bed to read my book!!
What a 'rock n roll' life I lead.

joyeux noel tout le monde

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Not long now......

..................until I am standing here...............outside the home of The Blades, yes only two more 'getty ups' and I am off to Sheffield where I am very nearly sleeping on the hallowed turf of Bramall Lane. Yesterday the Blades made a trip down to Hertfordshire and took on Stevenage. The result was a 0-0. They are still hovering above the relegation zone, so me thinks that the boys need to get their act together.

Funnily enough  both Birmingham City and The Mighty Whites had the same score!

Well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not really sure where to start with this, Graeme Swann has announced that he  is retiring from all forms of cricket with immediate effect. He said it was a difficult decision, but that felt that the time is now right.
Swann took 255 wickets in 60 tests, the sixth highest tally for England, however sadly he has come to the fore in recent days due to comments made on a social media site.

Good luck to Swanny and I am sure that he will  be missed by the rest of the team.

2 down!!!! How many more before the end of the tour???

The wonderful 'Timmy' Bresnan has been speaking about how England need to use Melbourne as a springboard to bounce back form their lowest point. Now I like TIm Bresnan and not just because he is a Tyke. He is a fighter and also plain speaking. Where some England players moan about being away form home for long periods etc etc, Tim commented, that was was not to like about staying in 5* Hotels and having a mini bar! Top boy!!!.

After a very busy day yesterday I am today going to Church and then to  deliver my final pressie to 'Auntie' Norma and then do a spot* of housework (* like a flipping load of housework). Make sure that Dame Didi's bedroom is tidy and ready for her. And then have a nap, before doing more housework and a final spot of present wrapping.

I also have my case to pack for Sheffield...................so much to do and so much time to do it in,

Well its a short one today as I need to get busy. So until tomorrow.............

Bon Journee

Saturday, 21 December 2013

Super sleepy Lady Lainey

Well, well ,well, I must have been a jolly tired Lady Lainey, because I went to bed before 10pm last night and woke up at 8.20am!!!!  but who cares??? I am on holiday now yippppeee!!!!!

Well 'Tales from the Boundary' may have been short on cricket news yesterday but today I am very sad to report that  Yorkshire are losing their second XI team coach Paul Farbrace. He has been appointed  Head coach to the Sri Lankan cricket team.
As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, Paul had gone out to Sri Lanka to have talks regarding the role. He had been assistant coach in Sri Lanka  when the bus that  the team were travelling in was attacked by gunmen in Lahore in 2009.
 He has held his position with Yorkshire since 2011.
Good luck Paul

Other sad departure news is that Karl Krikken is leaving Derbyshire. Karl has been  been with the club for over 27 years as either a player or latterly coach. I did write a couple of weeks ago that Derbyshire were asking staff to re-apply for their positions, however Karl has decided to pursue other opportunities.

I know that my besty bowler ( ex Derbys and Hants) friend JJ speaks very highly of him. Derbyshire now have an opening for coach, so I am considering putting quill to paper and having a little go myself #noflippingchance

Former besty county in the South ,Hampshire have signed Joe Gatting on a two year contract. Hampshire are looking to strengthen the batting with the possibility that Michael Carberry may not be available for the club for  much of next season  Giles White thinks that Joe ticks all the boxes.
He is the nephew of ex England skipper Mike Gatting. Hopefully he won't like the pies as much as his uncle!.

So what does today have planned for moi?

Well I am going to go and have my brekkie because I am flipping starving and then I am off to Ladylaineyville to have a mooch around the shops, then come home and have a little nap.

I am also 'mentally' and physically preparing myself for the New Year 60 day 'Insanity' challenge. Trill Boy says that I won't do it.........................and that is just what I need to make sure that I do!!!!!!!!!!!

So if you are still in bed reading this, GET UP!

until tomorrow

Friday, 20 December 2013

Its the last F(ryan)day at work this year!

Hurrrrrraaaahhhhh!!!!! It is not only F(ryan)day, but it is the last F(ryan)day of work………….and then nearly two weeks on holiday!!!! I am sooooo super excited that I am bouncing around like a super bouncy thing. Yep better stop that my ‘shredded wheat’ is threatening to reappear!!!

AND it really is F(ryan)day as tonight at 7.30pm on BBC 1 His Royal Ryanness himself will be on Question of Sport ( first shown on 18/12/13 but I Lady Lainey was tres busy and missed it!!!). So everything will stop for this and I will be reclining on the chaise longue with a glass of champers ( only one mind you the diet is still ongoing).

Today ‘the boys’ are having games day in the office, I should be too but as they left lots of work to be forwarded to architects and the likes until the last minute and I have to sort it out today. Yes the last day of work and I actually have to do some work, What the ‘Donald Duck’ is that all about? There was a lot of shouting coming from my office yesterday and lots of words like

Why did you *chuffing* wait until the last day?’,

‘Are you really as thick as horse *poo*?’

What kind of *flipping eedjits*are you?

'my *blinking* job description states 'drink gallons of coffee, shout at boys, look pretty, work is NOT mentioned'

*Alternative words inserted so as not to offend readers!

So as I work through umpteen drawings they will be playing ‘Test Match Special’ game.

Then we are all off to Pizza Hut for the all you can eat buffet…………………………..now I know, that you all know, that I am on a diet, but I figured that if I filled myself up with salad then I would not eat as much pasta and pizza ( well that’s the plan).

Then we are all going to run around with our shirts over out heads go home and get ready for the arrival of Pere Noel. Or in my case get ready to take Sheffield by storm.

 'Tales from the Boundary' today has totally nil cricket stories and so desperate was I for something that I nearly phoned my former 'coach'  Harry Latchman for one of his hilarious cricket tales, then remembered he is on his holidays with the lovely Blossom. Flipping heck, things had better pick up soon.

Oh well with out further ado, I bid you all 'Bon Vendredi et Bon Weekend' 

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Wow what a storm!

What a flipping storm we had last night, it went on well into the early hours. By all accounts the North West were well and truly battered too. This morning even though it is still dark I can see that the extensive grounds of LT Towers II are going to need a flipping good tidy up over the weekend,

It has calmed down a little now but it is still flipping blowy outside, but who cares when we are only 2 days from Le Weekend and HOLIDAYS.

Thing haven't calmed down in Australia, with Graeme Swann making a stupid statement on Facebook ( well makes a change from Twitter), regarding the loss of the Ashes. All I can say is that Facebook is SOCIAL MEDIA and as such unless it is sent as direct messaging can be accessed by any people who follow/ are friends with you. He has apologised for his 'crass comment'.

All other crickety news is sparse, Ravi Bopara has signed a new contract with Essex if you are interested!!!

I am also predicting that Broad will not play in the next two tests, well there is little glory for him now and besides he is 'crocked' ( chipped toe nail varnish #expertopinion)

Things have been calmer in super swanky Lady Lainey office, due mainly to me throwing my weight around ( and there's a lot of weight to throw around at the moment). The boys have been getting a tad 'de mob' happy over the last few days and I needed to drag them into line, for goodness sake, Five major projects are not going to draw themselves!

On this day 

19th December

1915 Edith Piaf born  in Paris

1974 ' Man with the Golden Gun ' premieres in The United States.

1974 Ricky Ponting born

1999 Desmond Llewelyn died

Off to work now!!!!

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Halfway through the week!!!

Yip de flipping skip, no more needing to wake myself up at ungodly hours and torture myself with England’s poor performance until next week. So I just woke myself up at an ungodly hour this morning and lay in bed twiddling my thumbs trying to get back to sleep!!!!

Well the Ashes loss has been hashed and rehashed by the press and I am a tad sick of it all now.

Does Flower need to go?, England outclassed and outplayed!
 As I said yesterday England need to start forward planning for the next Ashes clash and look to bring through fresh blood. However do they need a new 'leader'? 
For now though lets see if England can at least pull back the last two tests so as not to look completely hopeless!

Had a discussion with Daddy Rushworth yesterday about cricket shirts of the good and famous ( no guessing who he has!!). I told him that a signed ‘Royal Ryanness’ shirt would make my life complete. He said ‘Ask him he can only say no’
ASK HIM!!!! OMG I struggle if I am in the same postcode as his Royal Ryanness, let alone speak to him!!!! It was just like when Mr Funky the Chauffeur said I should go and ask both Ryan And Gillespie the Gallant for their autographs. I nearly fainted!!! Funny though because no one realises that I am quite shy really…………..yes REALLY!!!!!!

And talking about his Royal Ryanness, he was out with Jacky Brooks ( Headband warrior) yesterday at Martin House Children’s Hospice. They actually went with Santa, in a helicopter!! ( upwardly mobile Santa literally!!!) They were delivering pressies and bringing a little bit of Christmas joy. Fantastic that they gave their time for a wonderful cause. Well done boys.

The news of the Ashes beating however pales over the news that will have us all reeling, the Hurly/ Warne wedding is off (again). Oh no!!!! I cannot believe it. No more sloppy tweets, no more vomit inducing photos of the happy couple. No more plastic surgery Free Estee lauders products for Shane!. Oh well give them a couple of months of no publicity and it will be back on #cynicalmoi?

Today I am hoping to have a quiet day at super swanky Lady Lainey office after a rather loud and raucous Tuesday, thanks to Trill Boy recounting his love life history #notfitforalady'sears.

I am hoping that my coffee is on my desk when I tip up. If not then the quiet Wednesday may not happen as I think that it is about time that I take control again. I will get them back into line.

Let the shouting begin!!!!!

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Jolly well done...

to Ben Stokes, who hit his maiden test century at around 4am this morning ( give or take, come on I was up and it was flipping early!). I truly hope that this is the start of a great career with England and that the 'laddish' behaviour of the Lions tour is behind him. He is a brilliant player for champions of the world Durham. Well done Ben..............................just a shame that this was not a match winning score.

KP has come in for criticism in the UK papers today too, (SURELY NOT KP!!!!) they are saying that he has to decide whether he wants to play test cricket after his 'pig headed' display. Now anyone who has been reading my blog since the first words were set out, will know that I have been saying this since then!!! For pities sake catch up!!!!

So jolly well done to Australia who have shown  all the 'hacks' in the UK that they were not still down and out!.

Australia regained the Ashes winning 3-0 and to be honest I think that it could be a 5-0 series win for them. England lack something  ( not over inflated ego's that's for sure). I think that the time has come to be brutal with the team and to bring forward some younger players ready for the next Ashes clash. Too many of the older players rely on their past glories and to be honest it is getting a little boring. Some were great then and may still be told that they are great now, but actually...............................

So what else has been happening apart from I Lady Lainey getting up before the birdies  Well 'Trill Boy' and 'Mrs Trill boy' went for a scan and apparently now know if they are having a 'son of Trill Boy' or a 'Fullerina'. but he won't flipping well tell us.  Now I am not one for wanting to know what a baby is before it arrives.  it spoils the surprise. However with two babies due in super swanky Lady Lainey office within day of each other , a heads up would be good. Pony Paul has his ( not his personally ) scan on Xmas Eve and he is going to tell us........well that's what he is saying now.

I am so tired after the weekend of cricket that I could do with starting my holidays now. it is now only 3 working days ( you think I am working on Friday!!, actually you think I will be working in the run up to Friday). The excitement in the office actually has nothing to do with the imminent arrival of Pere Noel, but more with the fact that we don't have to go to work for 2 weeks!!!

On this day

17th December

1971 Diamonds are Forever premiered in the USA

1989 Michael Bevan scores a century on his 1st class debut

2013   Australia regained the Ashes

And now Lady Lainey is leaving the building

Monday, 16 December 2013

It's a new dawn, a new day and I'm feeling......

totally flipping exhausted.....................to put in it 'Lady like' terms. All this getting up at 2am listening to cricket and then writing my blog and then doing all normal daily things and then trying to get powers naps only for the phone to keep ringing, not making things easy. I think that the 'boys' in the office has better be on their besty behaviour today as I a may be a tad tetchy!!!

Well last night was the 'Sports Personality of the Year'. Some of the Durham boys were there and were spotted in the audience. However I hear that they hardly got a mention and neither did my Tykes. Did anyone watch the County cricket last season, it was the best Division one run up ever!!!!! ( even though my wonderful Yorkshire boys only came second). Well Andy Murray won it so the name was quickly changed to 'Sportsman with no personality of the year' #mythoughtsonly!

Well I tuned into the cricket as per usual. Australia were still batting  Watson made his century before being run out by top tyke Timmy Brenan,  they decided to declare on  369-6.

England came into bat and 'Captain' Cook was out first ball. It was the first time that he had ever been out first ball in a test match AND he is  now the first man to be out first ball in his 100th test. Probably not the kind achievement that he wanted.

Carberry and Root then set up a slow running partnership, until just after 6 am when Carberry went for 31. The score is currently (6.39am UK time)  76-2.

Stuart Broad does not have a fracture to his foot ( it will be a bruised heel like in the summer!) so he will bat if required and believe me with the amount of runs that England need to make to win, I think he will be required!

Nasser Hussein one of my favourite cricketers ( NOT!!). has been spouting off that the remainder of the tour is down to individual responsibility and not team spirit. What the flip is this man on!!! This is the reason that England are in the mess that they are in , as too many players are playing for their own glory and not for England!!!.

6.45am Root has gone!!!!

Oh dear  so early, so tired and so nearly off on a rant!!!!!

Well before I close this chapter of the blog, it is a sad day in the film industry with news coming through that Peter O' Toole has passed away. He was 81 and most well known for his portrayal of Lawrence of Arabia.
A great actor of the old 'hell raisers' school,

And so I am off to brave the cold and to head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office where I will be super freezing for most of the day until the central heating kicks into 'candle warmth' mode!

This is my last Monday at work until next year!!!! Yip de flipping skip!!!!!

Sunday, 15 December 2013

PHEWWW!!!! finally got here!!!

Flipping heck!!! I have only just managed to get here to write my blog. 'Where have you been?' I hear you all asking. Well I have been under the stairs getting my gas meter reading. However this is easier said than done. Under the stairs is chuffing huge and it is like a black hole right at the back where the meter is, and I actually had visions of coming out the other side and finding myself in Narnia! However after negotiating the suitcases, boxes of  'stuff' and coats and jackets, I finally got the reading, only for the website to be 'down'. ARGGHHHH!!!!!!

Yes I know that shouldn't really make me cross, but I have been up since 2am , keeping tabs on the cricket!
Actually at this moment I wish that I had stumbled into Narnia, I am sure that Mr Tumnus and the gang would have faired better in Perth than England are!

Australia bowled out England for 254 and are currently in batting. Having lost one wicket  Rogers for 57 ( Top Tyke Timmy took the wicket, caught Carberry!!). Warner has just made his century and Australia are currently 171-1.
 Well it is not looking too good for the England boys as Broad looks to be crocked ( he lasted longer than I predicted). He didn't take the field after tea, as he went for a scan on his foot.If Australia manage to put on another 100 today and the same in the morning, I sort of think that England are done for.

However there is still an hour or so to go, and as we all know anything could happen.

If England are beaten then I think it is time for a real shake up. There are no excuses, they have been outplayed by a side that they thought they were going to walk all over. On the day Australia came out stronger and I think that they wanted to win. England I feel thought that they were going to win!.

I have just watched the ECB interview with the wonderful Michael Carberry and although he being slated for his fielding and inconsistent batting, he remains upbeat and also modest. Hmmmm if only this was echoed by other team members!

Yesterday was very busy, I had to go Tzarina Katerinas, and then finally got the CD sorted in the Lady Lainey limo, woohoo now I can sing again as I go to work every morning!!!!

I also wrapped more pressies to deliver today and sorted out things for my super giant sale the first weekend of the New Year. Got to refill the Lady Lainey coffers ready for Marseilles trip!! not long now only 11 months!!! #bouncingalready

So without further ado, I am making haste to stuff my brekkie down my gullet before Dame Didi tips up, its only a flying visit. And then thankfully it will be nap time,

All these very early mornings are playing havoc with my already erratic sleep patterns.!!

Bon Journee

Saturday, 14 December 2013

48 Hours of what?????????

Well I think that regular readers will know that it takes me well over 48 hours to choose shoes, handbags and more importantly tiaras for any given ‘event’, and don't even think about the hours it takes to sort out my orange curls!!!. So I am finding it jolly hard to believe that  two young men from Lincolnshire are going to try to not only beat the world record for the longest net session but take it much much further.

The current record is 26 hours and they are attempting to not only beat the record but go for 48 hours. Call David Newman and Richards Wells stupid but they are doing it for a great cause ( Brain tumour research) If they survive the 48hrs, they will then push for 50. 

The event starts at 12 noon on the 30th of January at Northgate Sports Hall in Sleaford, Lincolnshire and will carry on until hopefully midday on Saturday 1st Feb. Not only have they been looking for donations to the cause, but anything cricket related as donations would be amazing, as they can auction/raffle off to raise more funds. To date they have had either a signed bat, shirt or match day tickets from EVERY 1st class county team within the UK
If you can help them further then please read the full story by following the link http://www.justgiving.com/worldrecordcricketnet

Or you can follow on facebook and twitter pages below

Twitter - @WRcricketnet48contributing in whatever way you can.

If you wish to attend, please just turn up treat it as a free bowling net! Or in the case of I, Lady Lainey, I will bring a real touch of glamour to the occasion!
Everyone is welcome.

I would also like to say that GJJ Sports @GJJSports and Simply Cricket Ltd @Simply_Cricket have also offered to help if they can with donating goods. And the top man at Simply Cricket is trying to organise this from Australia!!!!

I really have had my faith in (cricket) mankind restored in the last few weeks. People are amazing and try to help however they can in what ever way they can and that is truly wonderful.

So is truly wonderful how we can describe the on going Test match? You will notice that I am a tad late in posting this morning, well I couldn't drag myself away from the cricket. England bowled out Australia for 385 after taking their last four wickets for 59 runs.

However after losing wickets early yesterday Australia made a good comeback.

Cook and Carberry opened for England, Carberry was lucky on a couple of occasions but then went for 43 runs. I was super excited when little Joey Root came in to bat, but  his seat had hardly cooled down in the dressing room before he was heading back!

Cook has made his half century, being partnered by KP, who does not look comfortable. 

England currently 8.15am UK time  113-2

I have a million things that I should be doing ....................but .......................just another half hour of cricket!!!!!

Have a great Saturday  

Friday, 13 December 2013

It F(ryan)day, its the test and......

we are all still coming to terms here with the very sudden passing of Grandad Derek , yesterday morning. After losing Grandma Jean on Christmas Day last year this is a double blow for everyone. However pleased to know that they are together again.

So its F(ryan) day and I had to use my favourite smiley picture to brighten up my day today, I am tired and a bit swollen eyed and also think that I have had the most weird dream. England took 5 of Australia's wickets before 6am ( UK time). HOLY FLIPPING MOLY!!!!! they really have!!!!
With the team being 'retuned' to include the wonderful Top Tyke Timmy Bresnan, they seem to be doing OK. It is however day one and as we know a  test match cannot be won on day one, but it can be lost.

Australia are playing an unchanged team, whilst Bresnan replaced Panesar ( who should never have been there in the first place). Australia are currently 164-5.

So what else has been happening in the world of I Lady Lainey. well I toddled off to 'chubby club' last night and lost an amazing 5.5lb!!!! totally wonderful and I am really over the moon. Its a great start to my 'big fat sponsored weightloss' campaign.

And a huge boost in the run up to Christmas, which  in the Towers is never  full on over the top non stop eating. We just usually go with the flow.  So I am hoping in a flipping smug way I can go into the New Year a little bit slimmer, which will be wonderful.

And as I am off to former home of London at the end of February to see besty friends Zemina and Gary I am hoping that I will have shifted a quite a bit more weight before I go.

Well the 'Grand Christmas' decorations are actually going back into the garage until next year as I  am not really in the mood for putting them up. Which gives Sir Sean of Bean a bit of a breather and he can stop  worrying about disappointing me by NOT coming to switch on the lights. And then in the real world..................

These blogs are getting shorter and shorter but sorry folks today I am struggling and so will sign off until tomorrow when hopefully her Ladyship will bounce back!!!

Thursday, 12 December 2013

It's Thursday!

Well glancing out of the window, it is pitch black outside but there does not appear to be any fog, which will please Tzarina Katerina who bored me stiff last night for 20 minutes on the state of the fog in her village! Riveting stuff, so much so that I think I may have dozed off for a little minute!!!

The teams are all in Perth getting ready for the big show fight match, which starts early hours here in Blighty. I am not too sure whether I will be tuning in or trying to get some sleep.
Matt Prior has said that England need to come out fighting, and not sulk, whinge or moan. Prior also said he was certain that England could retain the Ashes. Well 2-0 down now and not showing any sort of winning spirit, I am not too certain, but have to hold on to the belief that they can, if they try!

They haven't won in Perth for years so this is going to be a possibly hard comeback match.

News from besty Home County of Yorkshire, 2nd XI coach Paul Farbrace is in talks with the Sri Lankan cricket board about their vacant National Coach position. Paul has done a great job and has been an integral part of developing players for the first team.
Good luck Paul.

Well I am off to chubby club tonight to be weighed for week 1 of  'my big fat sponsored weightloss'. It has been a good week and although we had the excesses of the office Xmas gut bash, I think that I have managed to pull back and make some weight disappear.

Yesterday I learnt some new things about exactly what 'boys' get up to in garages and workshops. Well I never!!! however I am not sure that I going to divulge this at the moment as I need to have it verified today being unleashing the facts.

So as you are reading this from the warmth of your bed, or office or sitting room, I am going to venture out into the flipping cold and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, where it will be now only 7 working days ( and I use the term 'working' loosely in my case!) until we break up for our Christmas holidays and I can be a Lady of leisure!.

Have a great Thursday.

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Flipping heck I slept in!!!!

OMG!!!!! after all the moaning about not sleeping etc, I did open my flipping eyes this morning, glance at the clock expecting to see 2.58am.............................and seeing 5.59am!!!!!!!!!!! I had only gone and slept in.

Now 5.59am may seem like an unearthly time to some people ( Daddy Rushworth!), but this is jolly flipping late to be lying in at LT Towers II. After all there is the orange birdsnest  curls to sort out and also all the food to sort out for the 'sponsored diet' which I am now nearly one week into.

Oh my goodness me, this could be the shortest blog ever!!!

Crickety news first. KP, Swann and Anderson have been left out of the limited overs squad facing Australia at the start of next year. Doubt that they will be bothered more time for sunbathing and speeding.. Englands take on it was that they are getting on in years and need to get some rest. Actual wording was 'They are in their early 30's and prize assets so we need to look after them'
Apparently after OZ there is the T20 World Cup and then IPL and the start of the English season. The official statement goes on to say that players cannot be expected to play 12 months of the year.

Easy drop out of IPL!

Oh no DO NOT get me started about the IPL this early!!!!!

Derbyshire have announced that they are asking all their coaching staff to re apply for their jobs! And they are also taking applications from external candidates ( putting quill to paper as we speak). Now why didn't Durham do that??????????

Other news, the sponsored diet is gong well, I did have a couple of 'Roses' yesterday but that was it. As it is well documented now, after last Fridays Xmas party I will not be drinking  in the foreseeable future, so that should help to shift some pounds. Tomorrow evening is D Day at chubby club and fingers crossed for a great start.

Dame Didi is now looking forward to her trip to Sheffield most especially having fish and chips for lunch on Xmas Eve ( more on this at a later date). I am looking forward to having a bath!

Well time is getting on and I have to get to super swanky Lady Lainey office.

Have a good day.

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Lady Lainey soldiers on

When I flipping say I am never drinking again, I mean NEVER drinking again, it is now Tuesday and I am still chuffing well tired from Friday, it can't be from yesterday in super swanky Lady Lainey office. I know this is true as all we did all day was laugh at the photos on everyone's phones, discuss, why Pony Paul always loses his scarf at the Xmas bash, why Trill Boy disappeared before the taxi came. And how come Job the Jolly reminded us all to get receipts for our taxis and then forgot to get one himself!!!!

Well I think that I will be asleep by 10am this morning!.

However I have been reading about the 'incidents' that were occurring in the cricket. Ben Stokes ( not again!) and Mitchell Johnson have been found not guilty of inappropriate and deliberate physical contact after they barged shoulders with each other.
The decision was that the contact was not deliberate BUT there was some hard stares and crossed words!

Ben needs to think about playing for England, not the local club team. And although this seems harsh, his record playing for England in any form is not too great at the moment. Seriously ( and not just because he is a Tyke) take a leaf out of Joe Roots book. Smile and laugh at them. Probably irks them more.

I thought this was the Game of Gentleman.

Good to see Geoff Boycott behind the team...................................Australia, he is stating that England face annihilation. I actually agree. he states that they lack the desire and  heart. I agree. He states that  England was short on quality players . I totally agree.
OMG what is going on , I am agreeing with everything that Boycott says. Old age I think!!!!

And breaking news this morning is that Andy Flower is going to make changes to the England team. So expect the whole sorry shower back in Heathrow tomorrow!!! #notinsideinformation

Yesterday saw a new arrival at LT Towers II yes the Harrods van arrived with super new handbag for I Lady Lainey courtesy of Tzarina Katerina ( well her xmas money). I was so excited that I nearly forgot how rubbish I felt. Needless to say the 'boys' were not impressed at all and just gave the said handbag a passing glance! What on earth is wrong with 'boys'?????

And talking about boys, I know one who will not be lounging about in bed all day today, he will be up and getting ready for the invasion of 'Peg Boy'. Hope that you have a great day.

So now time to get the Lady Lainey limo out and head off down the A1 to Ladylaineworkville.

I really hope it is a quiet day today.

Monday, 9 December 2013

Oh Dear part II

Need something  to cheer me up this morning!!

Well we all knew at this time yesterday the outcome of the 2nd Test, nothing short of a miracle or rain was going to help England. And  there was no miracle and although England managed 312 runs in their 2nd innings it was not enough.

Alistair Cook insists the team can fight back ( England have only ever won once in Perth). He says the team need to  ' look deep into our souls'. I am kind of thinking that if you take the last two words from his statement and say them very quickly it will sum up the team at the moment!!.

So the second test in all its glory, showed a new Australia fighting back. Michael Clarke has said that  the results are no fluke and are due to hard work from the Australian team. I think that it is amazing how they have improved since the summer and to say that England have been resting on their laurels is an understatement.

There is still an undercurrent of aggression on the field and to be honest some of the new test players need to take it in their stride, or as Joe Root does, just smile at the Aussies!

Nothing more to say on this except let the bandwagon roll onto Perth now.

Good news for Ireland as Phil Simmons remains in the coaching role until 2015. Nice man and done great things with the Ireland team.

It is well documented that when Dame Didi and I go home to La Belle France and to Chateau Didi, we spend lots of evenings getting squiffy   star gazing. As the Chateau is smack bang in the middle of nowhere and there is zero light pollution we have seen the night sky in all its glory.
Well now you can go and see the same thing here in Blighty, actually in the North of Blighty as the Northumbria national park and Kielder water and Forest Park have been awarded Dark Sky status.
This means that this area is now protected and lighting controls are in place to prevent light pollution.

In honour of the award the 1.500sq km area will be renamed  Northumberland Dark Sky Park, later today.

Well back to the office after the carnage that was  the Xmas Gut bash. Thank goodness only one more Monday after today until HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!

I cannot wait and hope that I get back into some sort of normal sleep pattern ready for the New Year!

Hope that you all have a wonderful Monday, although some of you will be reading this in bed and then probably going back to sleep!!!!!

Sunday, 8 December 2013

And so it is Sunday

And so after a relaxing Saturday, which saw me sleeping most of the day and watching 'cheesey' American Christmas films  ( some of which were quite good actually). I toddled off to my bed at about 10pm and went straight to sleep. I woke up at 1am but decided that I wasn't going to put the test on, turned over and slept until 4am.

So I tuned in, in time for Pieterson being dismissed by Siddle who appears to be fast becoming his nemesis. And then Bell, who hit a full toss straight to Steve Smith and never really got involved in the innings. Joe Root played brilliantly hitting 87. Ben Stokes played well hitting 28.
 However listening to Geoff Boycott ( someone that I NEVER listen to) he did speak some sense I thought, saying that having seen Stokes play against Yorkshire at Scarborough ( as did Daddy Rushworth and I), he thought he is a great  player in the making. He thought that an inclusion into the one day side would have been advisable as he still didn't know if Stokes is ready for test cricket.

However well played Ben.

So with Australia declaring (again) and  putting England in to bat it really did look as if the Australians were going to wrap it up in 4 days. I think that it will be over by lunch tomorrow and then England will need to take a long hard look at the team. Closing score England 247-6, they need 284 to win!

Funnily enough all the cricket pundits who were forecasting a 5-0 England win in the series are now seriously back peddling. Michael Vaughan saying Australia could win5-0! ( talk about changing sides he did that better than I Lady lainey at a Durham/Yorkshire match)

So what has happened to the  team? Well the Lady Lainey view is that KP is not the saviour of England ( South Africa maybe!). He is too big a personality and plays for himself. Hubris is the perfect word to describe his cricket performance.

Cook as Captain has not performed well in this test, Carberry hasn't shown his style and Bell is following very closely in KP's footsteps. The bowling contingent are another entity altogether!

Lets see what the Perth test brings.

Other crickety news, there have been changes in the coaching structure at Durham, however no one appears to have been 'let go' and so they have shuffled people around and still have way too many hangers on. ( I pay my membership I am allowed my say!!)

The new cricket fixture format is not very Lady Lainey friendly either. 4 day matches will now start on Sundays. There will be little or no Saturday matches . And T20  ( or The Blast as it will be known) will be on Friday evenings. I have 4 more years fully paid up Durham membership, I might get to see a couple of matches over the next four years!!

Well I am in full cricket rant this morning, so I must be feeling better.....................that is until I go to visit Tzarina Katerina.

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Oh dear!!!!!

Well its 'Oh dear' on two counts today.

1. Oh dear I feel flipping awful and now know my limits! After the most wonderful lunch at Bannatynes Hotel in Darlington and then drinks in Prego and Hash, it all went a bit downhill.

I know that we got our taxis home an hour later than we were going to ( bad sign).

 I know that lots of photos were taken  ( very bad sign and bad pictures too)

I know that as soon as I have posted this blog I am going in the shower, pulling on my 'jim jams' and going back to bed!

I know that I am not the only one who will be feeling like this, today!

2. Oh dear, the cricket is not going at all well. England were bowled out for 172. And in the words of Michael Vaughan, the wheels have well and truly fallen off.

Mitchell Johnson was the man  responsible for the total collapse of England with bowling figures of 7-40 that  really sums it up. Carberry and Bell were top run makers, whihc has again brought up the  'should Bell be at no 3' topic again.

Even the saviour of England KP couldn't make double figures. It was a terrible innings.

Australia went back into bat and to really rub Englands noses in it. They lost three wickets, but still managed to close the day on  132-3, a lead of over 500 runs!!!!

Hmmm what do you think???

And now I am preparing to go back to bed.

Until tomorrow when I hope to feel a little bit more human!

Friday, 6 December 2013

Its Office Xmas Gut Bash day

Wow I bet all regular readers were tres surprised by today's title!!! Not the usual title ( or picture) for Fridays. Well today is the day of the annual office Xmas party, when super big boss gets on the train and ventures up to the icy wastes of the North East of Blighty, where he takes us out, fills us full of food and drink and then wobbles back down to former home of I,Lady Lainey, London.

Normally Pony Paul and I wobble home, whilst Job the Jolly stays super sober........................however this year, 'Jobbers' is not driving, and Trill Boy is now with us so I think this = CARNAGE!!!!! ( for details of last year reads blogs  'Hangover' and Hangover part !!')

Hopefully I will be up in time tomorrow to relate the escapades of the 'boys' as I Lady Lainey am on the wagon ( well sort of  half on!). And intend to only have a few glasses of wine, with water chasers. Well that's the plan!!!!

So  now lets see what has been happening 'down under' whilst some of us were sleeping ( or snoozing in my case). Well Australia were still racking up the runs until about 5.20am this morning when they declared on 570-9.

There were some heroics when Swann took an 'amazing' flying catch to remove Bailey, but I think the score for the first innings speaks for itself.

 The bowling figures were not great Panesar 1-157, hmmmmmm best to keep my thoughts to myself until the full post mortem!

England went into bat and lost Cook for 3 runs!!!! Carberry and Root are currently holding the fort.

It also appears that The Barmy Army have been very quiet, well not very much to shout or sing about  really.

After reporting yesterday about the alleged match fixing in New Zealand . Lou Vincent has come forward and said that he is one of the trio and is co operating in the ongoing ICC anti corruption investigation. Hopefully this will all be cleared up quickly and then cricket in New Zealand can move forward.

So as I put on my best party frock and second besty tiara ready to head on down to Bannatynes Hotel. I wish you all a fab Friday.

And as I sign off at 6.45am the score is currently 21-1 go Carbs!!!!

Thursday, 5 December 2013

It's test Thursday

So after Woeful Wednesday and after a sort of decent nights sleep ( slept until 3.45am), today has dawned ( well actually it hasn't yet as it is still flipping pitch black outside) cold wet and with gale force winds. This is not however happening  in Australia where in Adelaide it seems to be a glorious day.......................for the Australians who won the toss and elected to bat, and are currently  249 for 4.

Now there were ( obviously) some team changes, with little Joey Root moving up to the 3rd spot, and with Stokes and Panesar both included but no Bresnan!!!. Well we shall see how these changes affect the game tomorrow. I was pleased to see that Carberry was not omitted even though I think that he played shockingly in the first test, however  he was not alone,the other 10 boys were rubbish too!

The bowling bragging rights go to Panesar, Anderson, Broad and Swann. With Stokes yet to take a scalp.

Just across the water in New Zealand there appears to be a spot of trouble for some cricketers who have been investigated amid rumours of match fixing in 'historic matches'. Theses are former players and the ICC are taking a good hard look at allegations of  both spot and matching fixing. Three have been named in one paper, one of whom only retired last year. Whether these allegations are true or not, I feel that they should not have been named this early. However I am shocked!

Not good news however we all know that this will continue to rear its head, money is the root of all evil, but it does buy nice, shoes and handbags and tiaras and................................

I actually decided not to listen to the commentary as I really need to get some sleep, or I will be so exhausted come Xmas eve that I will not be able to party with Sir Sean of Bean at the Copthorne in Sheffield...................................'what do you mean you can't guarantee he'll be there Didi,?' Probably be 'stumps' for me at 7.30pm then!!!!!

News on 'Fat Fighters' well they have lost a recruit due to stupidity and rudeness, next stop 'Chubby Club' I will lose this weight eventually. Well hopefully by the time I go home to La Bell France in April!!!

Today the 5th of December would also have been the birthday of my Daddy, His Royal Gorgeousness. He would have been 21 again, ( aren't we all?).

 And with that I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office where I am going to have a bacon buttie and flipping massive latte, cos the diet restarts tomorrow!!!!

Bon Anniversaire papa!!!

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Lady Lainey is worn out!

I, Lady Lainey am totally wiped out this morning, because to me it is afternoon???  'Pourquoi'  you must all be asking. Well because I went to bed at 10pm, woke up at 1am and have been awake ever since. So in theory it is nearly my apres midi and by the time I get home from super swanky Lady Lainey office  it will be like the middle of the chuffing nuit!! Zut alors!!! I am so flipping fatigue that I am now writing in Franglais!!!!!!

So lets see what has been happening in the crazy world of 'Le cricket', well Alistair Cook and James Anderson are on a six man short list for the ICC cricketer of the year award. Well in the 'LL Cricketer of the year award' there is only ever one winner. yes of course his Royal Ryanness, who I have to say has been very quiet on Twitter of late.
News from former besty home county in the south Hampshire is that James Tomlinson has signed a contract for another year. WOW that was late in being signed. Holding out for more dosh me thinks!. Tomlinson has been with the club since 2002 when he took 22 wickets in his first season.

There is lots of boring ' words of war' flying around in the build up to the start of the second test. To be honest I am bored with the whole thing now. England are there to play cricket so lets get on and play ( and not badly this time for pities sake!!!). The usual hacks  ( Hussein, Lloyd) have been self promoting again on a trip shark diving. Yes they both came back unscathed!

Will I be listening to the test on't wireless overnight? Will I cocoa, not after having virtually no sleep last night.  Famous last words!

Things are going form bad to worse in super swanky Lady Lainey office and yesterday not only did I do a lot of shouting I also said a 'swear' word!!!!  The 'boy talk' has not go to the basest level and being a Lady I do not want to hear this. I  had words with them all and they will be taking it in turns to stand in the corner today followed by sitting quietly on the naughty step. You think I jest???? Not chuffing likely. I heard things yesterday that made my hair curl more than normal. And it is not to be repeated.

Dame Didi had wandered across the road from Chateau Saltburn to the castle of Baron and Baroness Burphy on Monday evening, nothing too remarkable about that I hear you say. Well she rang me when she came back and told me all of the above. THEN last night she rang me again and told me it again. I thought I was having  deja vue. No, it was a case of   the Dame having too many wines the night before and not remembering talking to me!!!!

Well I think I should head off now before fall asleep at the computer.

Hopefully I don't sleep in tomorrow!!!

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Tykes are go!!!!

So yesterday Yorkshire announced their deals for next seasons T20 matches with the brilliant poster ( above) of the Magnificent 7 with of course his Royal Ryanness to the fore. I have to say that I loved this and had a jolly good laugh at it too. Well done Yorkshire.

And whilst we are on all things Tykey, it is looking good for Tim Bresnan who has been added to the squad  for the second test now that he has recovered from injury.  He has been talking about the stress fracture which ended his season early, and his road to recovery. And of course his delight at now being back with the Ashes team.
And further Tyke news down under is that Graham Gooch has hinted that Joe Root will take Trotts number 3 batting place. Now that might silence the other contender...................or maybe not.

The build up to the second test begins.

As you may all be aware Dame Didi and I are 'decamping' to The Copthorne in Sheffield for Christmas shenanigans. However on Xmas eve I am treating my sister to fish and chips in Sheffield. 'Why' I hear you all asking when I am constantly bemoaning not losing weight. Well you will have to wait to find out #everyoneincludingusmaybedisappointed

Yesterday was a great day for 'The Taking Steps Project'. The Domestic Violence charity which I back wholeheartedly. They have a wonderful Patron in Shelley Preston ( formerly of Bucks Fizz) and now have a male patron ( Domestic violence does not just affect women). The former Hampshire and England bowler Shaun Udal has stepped up and agreed to back the charity which is fantastic. His company 'Cotton Graphics' have also helped out with the charities Children's Xmas party and I am sure that on the 15th December there will be smiles galore. I also would like to thank my friends who donated to the charity for the party fund. 

On this day

3rd December

1976 Mark Boucher South African cricketer born

1977 David Sales was born Northamptonshire cricketer who made 210 on his First class debut

1981 David Villa Spanish footballer born ( eye candy for Lady Lainey)

So now as I head off into the dark ( and yes every morning it is dark until passed 8am  and then dark again by 3.30pm) to super swanky Lady Lainey office, I hope that Trill Boy is not so 'on form' today and that I can finally finish all the tasks that I need to do before out big Christmas gut bash on Friday!!!! 

I am trying to decide which tiara to wear, but fear that which ever one it is may be lost before I get home, judging by past years!!!