Sir Samuel

I the lovely Lady Lainey have never been blessed with the patter of tiny cricket boots ( the former Lord Lainey was child enough for me thank you!), and I had always dreamed that my nephews ( henceforth known as the monster children), the offspring of my sister Dame Didi, would be the next Ian Botham or Ronnie Irani, however they never showed any interest no matter how many cricket bats I bought them . Sadly now the only thing that interests them is girls and drinking. ( And Lady Lainey does not appreciate having to hang over the sea front railings at Saltburn at 11.30pm at night when one of afore mentioned monster children has to regurgitate the bottle of cider he consumed on the beach with his mates earlier that evening)

So all my hopes were riding on the offspring of my besty friendy Countess Culshaw. Sir Samuel came into the world a little early taking us all by surprise but soon grew into a strapping young boy.I decided that by the age of 3 he was old enough to be getting the gist of cricket and bought him a cricket bat. With his mane of auburn curls I knew in my heart of hearts he would be the next Ryan Sidebottom.

The next morning Countess Culshaw phoned to say some one wanted to say thank you, my heart was bursting with pride, finally I had my dream, my future cricketer. 

Sir Samuel came onto the phone and said.

'Thank you Auntie Lady Lainey for my cricket racquet'!

My hopes were dashed!.