A blog from The Gentlemen of Tykeshire CCC



This was us at our christmas party! What scamps we are!

We are The gentlemen of Tykeshire CCC and  we have our 'ground' in the extensive grounds of Chateau de Champions. Lady Lainey the 'big lady' that lives there is a complete cricket nut and lets us play on in the 'jungle'  outside of her kitchen window.

We have been  forced to play amongst the weeds that she never has time to clear, as she is always jetting off to places like  Durham ICG, Headingley, Trent Bridge and Scarborough! She gave us her old kitchen mat to play on, but it was less than ideal as sometimes our top bowler 'Bryan Leftarmer'  would trip over it and got horrible carpet burns!

He would say things like 'ecky thump that chuffing well chafed!'

It always made our umpires chuckle though!.

This week strange things started appearing in the extensive grounds of the Chateau

The 'big lady' would not tell us what it was!!!!

So yesterday ( Saturday) in thick fog and drizzle she came out of  to finally address us,  telling us that there were going to be 'Big changes'. We were all still 'in the dark as to what was happening. However her boots has us all a bit worried!

She mean't business of some kind!!!

She then went into the 'little house' where she stores the Lady Lainey limo and came out with a spade!!!!!! We were all wondering who was going to be 6ft under first!

She started digging like a mad thing ( or more to the point like her usual self!).
Then..........the best bit,  she was pulling out bulbs and roots when she got hold of a  long wriggly thing!!! She screamed, threw it up the garden and ran in the house slamming the door ( because it was going to come and get her????!!!).

We were all in hysterics!!!!

We were even on our sides!!!!

She then pulled herself together after a hefty glug out of an bottle containing amber coloured 'water'!!

We all watched as she laid down some 'black stuff'.She told us it was to stop the jungle reappearing! and then ..........................she unwrapped the big white sausage ( this is not a euphemism!)

Well it was green!!!


Then she unrolled it!!!!

We all gasped in amazement!!!!

She had only got us a real cricket pitch to play on!!!!

OH MY GOODNESSS!!!!

how flipping amazing is this!!!!

There was a bit of a rumpus as 'The Lady's favourite ' Bryan Leftarmer  said he wanted the white line for his mark! and the square leg umpire refused to be 'square leg' ( Darren Hairy is his name and  for once no amount of money in the world was making him change his viewpoint). She allowed us to  sort it out amongst ourselves!

She then opened a big green bottle which went  POP!!!! and poured a LITTLE bit on the new pitch before drinking hefty amounts of it until her legs went all wobbly and she nearly fell over!!! ( lightweight!)

She even got us some floodlights so that we can play in the dark when she in knocking out ZZZZZ's

'Serve the noisy neighbours right' she slurred!

Then she disappeared through the door into the Chateau and we doubt we will see again her until she stumbles down the stairs for water at  3am!!!

However we are humbly grateful to  www.flicx.co.uk who provided us with a wonderful playing surface and even sent  us a bat!!!!

They are the top boys and girls !!!! And  are welcome at any of our celebrations, anytime, but you have to be quick to get the 'falling down water' before Her Ladyship quaffs it all!!!!

Thank you, now I have got to go, as I am in the field!